Better Husband's Guide

Ever feel like there is not enough time to do things in your day?

Perhaps it’s because your spending your days already doing way too much….. of the wrong things.

Consider how much time you could have spend more wisely over your last week??? Now imagine how much time you could have spent better over your lifetime????

While we can’t get that time back, we can make better decisions about how we spend our time going forward.

Spend time on love, not on anger.
Spend time on joy, not hatred.
Spend your time being together, not apart.
Spend your time on passions, not on apathy.
Spend time as if it is your greatest natural resource on this earth, not as if it is unlimited.

There are a set number of hours ina day and only God knows how much time each of us has on this earth.

Each moment we have is preciously important and impossible to get back once it is lost.

Stop wasting your time and do those things in life that truly matter.

Fear in relationships:

When it comes to relationships many of the biggest problems that will occur have nothing to do with either person directly, but what those people fear.

Fear comes in many forms and most of us are aware of simple fears like arachnophobia and avoiding spiders.

But what about atychiphobia?????

atychiphobia is a fear of failure. But do many relationships fail because of a fear of failure? Probably not.

But they can fail for fear of commitment, fear of closeness, fears of being real or true, or fear of getting hurt.

Many people actually suffer from what many people will perceive as irrational or unfounded fears.

These can be complex arch as a fear of intimacy or be as simple as touching makes you ill or feeling sick, or downright never building attachments or feeling such emotions as love and caring.

To the person feeling these fears they are quite real as often their lives, emotions and decisions are based on those fears.

This means that progression within a relationship will have to be able to address and overcome those fears in a healthy manner.

This is where people often develop self deprecating patterns of behavior and begin to self-sabotage their relationships.

They eventually get to a point where their fears outweigh their acceptable levels and they begin to push back or lash out in order to prevent the fear from taking over.

Recently I was posting a reply related to confidence and I felt that it too might apply here to many situations, so see this below:
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Confidence, and the lack of it, hit almost everyone at some point in life, in business, and in relationships.

It’s a feeling based on our perceptions of ourselves and the concept of failure.

If you do something and fail, one of two things happen, you either give up and stop trying or move forward and keep trying.

Lacking confidence is often a fear based perception that what you are attempting to do will fail, and that you will incur a negative result, such as failure, loss of business, or losing a client.

The good news is that this perception is our internal doubts talking to us, and we can ignore it.

Confidence grows with experiences of both success and failure as long as you keep moving forward and don’t give up.

If you strike out with woman 50 times in a row then each time you hopefully learn from each mistake and then find that 1 person who changes your world.

Businesses can be the same. So what if you started 50 or even a hundred different business ideas that did not work.

Keep pushing forward until you find that one successful method or business that changes your life for the better.

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As the post was related to lacking confidence as an entrepreneur, I believe that many people (men and woman) lack confidence in themselves, in their abilities and in their relationships.

It doesn’t have to be this way. You have lessons in life that no one else may have learned in the exact same manner.

Each person is a unique individual and you should take comfort in the facts that no person is perfect, and that we all have flaws.

Those flaws and strengths do not have to be a detriment, as long as we learn to work “with” our strengths and work “on’ our weaknesses.

If you are not a great piano player, so what. If you want to be one, then put in the effort by working “on” it. Make your one thing, whether it be playing music, singing, writing, or poker player, and work on it until you’re a master at it.

Gain confidence through practice and growth and become whatever you want to become in this lifetime.

As you gain confidence in your abilities remember that you can improve upon any strengths or weaknesses that YOU choose to work on.

Use failures as a stepping stone to success.

You can do it, I believe in you. Go out there and create new relationships, new businesses and a better, more confident you.

Well, there is a topic that is very near and dear to this page, that of course is parenting.

It seems that there is a lack of it going around all over the place and there a a crap ton of reasons why people need to become better at parenting.

Let’s address one issue first, there is no such thing as “true perfection”, and this applies to parenting as well as anything in life.

We often hear the saying “practice makes perfect”, but as we just stated there is no perfection in life.

Let’s take a slightly different approach and use “practice that results in growth make you better”.

There are many ways to “practice” a skill and not actually get any better at it.

Ever watch a child practice piano or reading when left alone? Not all of them will do it with as must gusto and quality as if you’re watching over their shoulder.

This has to do with many factors, such as laziness, desire to dot the given task, motivations, weather conditions, and any number of other issues.

As a parent it is my responsibility to keep our daughter moving along the “straight and narrow” ( or more likely the slightly twisty and not too wide path).

As a parent though it is quite often that we feel our children may go off the deep end in some manner. Perhaps they take that path that is often littered with multiple dangerous hairpin turns, cliffs, and broken bridges.

There are issues that plague our society and one of the biggest issues has become (even if no one noticed it) parenting.

There are a number of factors that contribute to the safety, security, happiness and over healthiness of a family, but at the top of the list are the parents.

While many religious groups place God ( or your specific variation) first, family generally comes next.

While I will likely get some flak for this, I believe that many people are missing this key steps in life.

Families do not have to have 2 parents, nor do they have to be of the same s*x, race, religion, economic status, etc, but there should be two, or some form of 2 person structure that simulates this.

Let me go into greater detail on what I mean.

There are many books on the topic of parenting, and personally I do t care about race, s*x, genders, or other concepts, but want to address the personalities instead.

Anyone who has given birth knows that there will be differences between the attachments between mom and child versus dads and child. This is not always good but often is needed.

In many cases those women giving birth are often reluctant to be critical of their children for fears of repercussions and “issues that adversely affect your relationships”. However the “birthing distance” of the father, as he does not physically carry the child and experience the emotional rolller coaster ride the woman takes, means he is more likely to be capable of distancing behavior patterns from punishments.

And example of this is the dreaded “playing one parent against the other issue”. The child asks for something that he or she knows they will not get. First they ask dad, they already know the answer, but ask anyways.

Immediately upon getting the “no”answer they run and ask mom for the same item.

Now this is where the potential problem exists. Many times mom, not wanting to hurt the child’s feelings might simply agree to the child’s demands. If the parent has been “played like a violin” by the child before they may ask “did you ask your father?

At this time children get many options. They could say no they didn’t. To which a smart parent gives either the yes based on “cuteness”or pawns the answer back off to dad.

The child could lie and say “dad said I could”, to which hopefully the mom is paying close enough attention to realize they asked twice, which would not be needed if permission was given.

I am sure that you have all done it to your parents and if you have children it is a right of passage.

However additional issues arise based on the family dynamics and structure. For instance, anyone here an only child? How did you blame a brother or sister for that broken lamp or window? You couldn’t.

As a child I got myself into my fair share of troubles. But nothing was worse then getting go to trouble for crap you did not do simply because your parents believed a lie your older sibling told them.

What does this also mean for households with only a single parent? It means that those parents have a harder time and struggle even more to raise their children “as best they can”.

And don’t think I am knocking how good a job somwmsingle moms or even single dads do, just that it is statistically harder to raise children alone.

Children in single parent households often increase the stress along the child-parent relationship exponentially based on other issues that always come up.

As an experiment try to imagine you are a single parent ( yes for many it may not be hard to imagine), now try to explain to your child the answers to the following questions:

- where is my other parent?

- didn’t they love me?

What about just something as simple as a divorce? Yeah I know they are not simple. One parent potentially corrupts the relationship between the children and the other parent.

These kinds of things can often cause considerable psychological and/ or emotional scarring to the child.

Sometimes there is little that can be done to prevent being a single parent, such as a divorce or the loss of a loved one.

But the real issues become the parents themselves. Perhaps these kinds of questions would be easier:

- Why are there so many men/ woman over all the time?
- Mommy why is your boyfriend hitting you?

- Daddy I hate you because mommy left..

During times and situations like these the stability of the family becomes at risk. People grow disillusioned and potentially lash out.

Children become irate, potentially belligerent, and in extreme case suicidal or homicidal.

Many parents are losing site of the well being of those people they are in charge of. Nothing sickened me more then having a person tell me they “would not babysit their biological child”.

To me that’s not babysitting, it’s called parenting.

Parents need to be much more actively participating in the life of their children. How would you expect a child to grow up if they spend 10 years staring at a Fortnight game. Also, why would you expect nothing short of an explosive reaction for taking it away if you have never really disciplined or corrected the child?

Not abdication capital punishment, but somewhere between no punishment and “mommy/daddy dearest” resides a ton of middle ground.

A two parent household can benefit from the dynamic of one strict parent and one “softy”, but only in so much as those parents allow the child to manipulate them.

Make no mistake children are master manipulators, after all the spend the cutest years of their lives training you the parent to wait on them hand and foot and to come running as fast as you can at the drop of a hat at all hours of day or night.

Parenting should be one of the greatest accomplishments to anyone in this lifetime. Too many people are focused on their jobs, their social media and any number of other distractions that arise during the day.

We often lose sight of the simplicity of parenting, that of simply spending time with your child, doing stuff together, having important discussions, teaching them how life works, and just interacting with them as if they truly mattered to you.

Many, many problems trace back to family dynamics, how as how they were raised, where they were spending their time and even who they hung out with, and how these issues will hurt your child in the future.

If you have a child, so everything you can with that child. Someday soon they may be off to college, marriage or worse. Never take for granted that your child will “turn out ok”.

Take responsibility for your children, in any and all things

Being a Better Husband is also about being a better Dad too.

So here is a topic that is close to my heart: being both a good husband and a good father.

With all the crap happening around the globe these days it is getting harder and harder to keep things moving along at a pace that could even have some semblance of normalcy.

When Covid-19 shut down our school systems, it became up to the parents to take charge of many aspects of their children’s lives that perhaps they had not already been doing.

As I was already a stay at home dad to our 11 year old daughter it was relatively easy to just be home more with her, or so I thought at first.

As school let out the first issues that had to be dealt with included buying additional food that we had to get almost three months earlier in the year.

We normally buy extra to cover meals and such for the summer months but so t do that in March.

This was made additionally harder due to all the panic buying and hoarding that rose at the beginning of this pandemic.

Now food shortages and restrictions threaten into the summer months.

We combatted this issue because we already had been teaching our daughter how to shop effectively and efficiently. We already had been buying in bulk and portioning our food long before this virus hit.

But these are not the only issues that rose up during the last three months, or that are likely to come up in the future.

We are not even into summer and already colleges are closing shop for the winter sessions.

I am an alumni from an online university degree program, as well as a digital marketer, so I am well aware of the benefits of using the internet for learning, but my 11 year old should not be doing it this way.

There are a host of issues that are needed to be addressed now, such as/

- lack of physical activity - children not in school are less active. There are simply not enough stairs to climb in my house. While our puppy is a good running mate he is not the same as playing with all her friends. There is no longer any field trips to parks, outings, and such as well.

- lack of social interaction - children who are kept apart from one another so not form the same social bonds as those who interact in large groups. While social distancing is great for stopping a virus, it does not help kids form their first crush, or learn how to deal with bullies, or allow for making new friends as easily. They are losing basic social skills that you would want even your pet to learn.

- lack of enthusiasm - our daughter has become increasingly more and more frustrated (like most of us), and this too is taking a toll on her motivation and enthusiasm for doing things.

During the first month the local school was not setup for online learning. This meant things were very confusing, disoriented, and difficult for the transition. There were issues with getting school work ready, along with concerns about graduations from one school to another. This along with the uncertainty of even having a physical classroom to attend next year has put her into a funk that becomes hard to get out of.

- worrying about their health issues - as if Covid-19 were not enough of an issue, there are actual medical conditions that are created by the “stay at home orders”.

Did you know that long term isolation can cause damage to a person mentally? How about depression for being cooped up inside for months on end? Su***de rates skyrocket during winter isolations. How about immunological issues that can result from something as simple as a lack of vitamin D?

While your busy trying to be a better spouse (man or woman), try not to lose sight that being “better” as a mom, dad, husband or wife does not mean being perfect, just better today then you were yesterday.

Make sure that you do those things with your children that can ease their suffering, anxieties, or transition troubles as best you can.

Children work best with a defined schedule and clearly stated boundaries. Eliminate as much tv time as you can, cut back on game time and make them read more. Help them with subjects such as math, science, social studies or art. Take a close interest in what they are watching, learning and doing while they are home.

Children are suffering during this time as much as anyone else, and in some cases they are suffering at a far greater pace. They are not used to suffering as much in life yet.

Social distancing and dating: how can you do it?

Well, let’s assume for a minute that just because the world has ground to halt for most people, that you don’t want to spend the end of your world alone.

Believe it or not people are still out there dating.

It can be done, but you’re not going to be doing it the same way you used to.

Better get used to not going out for drinks every weekend. Better forget about speed dating. Hell you can barely go meet anyone in a park anymore at the moment, they are closed too.

It’s likely that dating services such as match, plenty of fish, or even tinder are going to be the go to places for pick ups and dating.

Just please be extra careful if you are going to head out into the dating pool. While you’re more likely to have a one on one encounter, you still have to be careful who you are meeting.

Still consider taking a trusted and healthy friend along with you if you’re not sure of the meeting.

While you might just want to be hugged, cuddled or find someone to spend time with, there is no guarantee that they are healthy, sincere, or most importantly not a crazy psychopath.

Ladies, most of all, be very careful that you don’t jump right out there with a person who could be potentially out to cause you harm.

Social distancing means that you are less likely to have that “protection of a crowd”, that odd protective shield that rarely gets noticed.

People are rarely committing crimes in a crowded room. There is too great a risk of being discovered or caught. All of this goes away in small groups.

With group activities limited and many stores empty it becomes way easier for people to get hurt.

So if you’re going to continue to date, make sure you take extra precautions:

- consider carrying some form of protective device: a knife, mace, pepper spray, even a rock in your purse.

- make sure someone knows who you are going out with, wheee you are going and when to expect you back.

- make sure your cell phone is charged and has GPS enabled so that you can be located.

- while you’re home consider studying up on some self defense ideas, concepts such as knowing where soft points on a body are, or which items can be used in a pinch, or basic combat survival skills, could come in handy.

My hope is that everyone out there is safe during this pandemic, but don’t get lulled into a false sense of security thinking that the virus is all you have to worry about.

Please like and share this message so that anyone out there who is lonely and searching for love during troubled times can be made aware.

It could save a life. Thank you.

Caring for your spouse during times of pain, illness or suffering can be a hard thing to deal with.

It can also be one of the greatest ways to show your love for another person.

No one likes to be sick. Everyone has it happen at some point in their life. Some of us will have it far worse off then others, but a great loving relationship will have two partners that share those burdens at different times in their relationship.

I have a host of medical issues of my own and over the years my wife has done an absolutely wonderful task of taking care of me during those days. Throughout our time together there have been depression issues along with medical issues that have been a complete sh*tstorm to deal with for myself.

As people and relationships mature we have to deal with any number of issues such as menopausal for woman, ED issues for men, depressions, arthritis and any host of thousands of medical problems that might arise.

During those times it can and will put stress on your family, your love life’s, s*x lives and just about every other aspect of your relationship.

It is during these times you will either drift apart or move closer and closer to each other. Nothing like an illness to get your relationship moving in some direction. Depending on how you deal with it will depend on the direction it goes.

Ok peoples, Valentines came and went, and hopefully everyone came out unscathed. 😇

Looking forward to the remaining winter time could also give you guys a chance to really crank up your brownie points.

Winter is all about the cuddling. Don’t be a boring stick in the mud and take a few minutes to get creative.

This is that time of year where hot cocoa, some snacks and a movie while sitting on the couch under a warm blanket can make a difference to your relationships.

Valentines Day is here next Friday.

Check out Our group discussions for tips and tricks you can do for your better half this Valentines Day.

Here are a few suggestions as well:

Cooking a nice meal instead of going out to eat. Shows you care about her. Take time and effort and even spend a few dollars more then a night out would be by getting candles, a nice wine, maybe some flowers, and perhaps her favorite deserts.

These are options you can usually do that many restaurants might not offer.

Consider making heart shaped menu items, such as a heart shaped pizza, cake, or pastry.

While roses are great, consider not just getting all red but grab a few in her favorite colors as well. This shows that you pay attention all the time. Get a few purples, yellows or other favorite colors to add to the bouquet and watch her light up, not just because your cliche, but because you love her that much more.

It’s always the little joyful reminders that we cherish the most when things get tough in a relationship, so after your home cooked dinner, give her those things she really wants on Valentines, the ability to relax, enjoy a relaxing bubble bath, with some scented candles, a glass of wine and some damm good pampering.

You can always help her with that pampering with a hot towel to dry off with, and if things get frisky, you could offer to help apply some body lotion. You hopefully know where that leads.

In any case, show your wife, girlfriend, or significant other how much you care this year by doing more then you did last year, better versions of last year, or something completely unexpected but so loveable that she remembers why she fell in love with you in the first place.

If you need more suggestions just ask and we’ll see what we can come up with.