Heartwood Life Coaching

Dropping Keys

The small woman
Builds cages for everyone
She
Knows.
While the sage,
Who has to duck her head
When the moon is low,
Keeps dropping keys all night long
For the
Beautiful
Rowdy
Prisoners.
-Hafiz

The fourth agreement: Do Your Best.
If I am honest, initially this one seemed to me very fluffy. I had the visual of a man motioning his had across his chest with a big cheesy smile saying DO YOUR BEST SON 😁, all the while the son is dealing with big life conundrum.
After doing the actual reading, it is so much more than a surface word of encouragement.
* It is an acceptance of how our best can vary
* it is an acknowledgment that perfection is only unrealistic expectations on ourselves that invites shame, guilt and regret (the trifecta of keeping us stunted)
* It is embracing that we all have good and bad days
* BUT it is stating that what we do with our humanity is what makes the difference.

Action Steps:
✨This one is simple for today. Simply accept who you and how you are. Embrace the good. The bad and The ugly.
✨You can't grow unless you take a look in the mirror and accept the reflection staring back at you. This is the very foundation for all the steps. Your growth will be stunted if your starting point is an illusion.
✨The key point in this step is grace. Giving your best is relative to who you are each moment. This includes our good and bad days. So give yourself some grace.
Because its genuinely who you are.

I am so excited for the response that my focus group has gotten so far. For those of you who signed up- THANK YOU - for those of you on the fence, take the leap and secure your space! There are only a handful of spaces remaining & I would love to hear from YOU.

Curious? Click on the link below to learn more about what this Religious Re-Identity entails- but in a nutshell, it is a one hour focus group designed to understand your journey in redefining your faith- how your journey got started, what were the (inner and outer) challenges faced etc..

So please sign up! or forward on to someone who you think this topic might resonate with. Thank you all for your support. Click this link to reserve your space: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/religious-re-identity-focus-group-tickets-153985170791

I am hosting a focus group researching Religious Re-Identity. I define Religious Re-Identity as a break or divorce from religious traditions and the adoption of something new, or modified. If this topic holds near and dear to your heart OR if you know someone who might be interested in attending, please pass this along. To keep the group intimate I am capping attendance at 10, so get your tickets (Tix are free! Claim on link below) before spaces run out. I am so excited to run this group and meet with you at the end of the month! (Participants will receive discounted coaching sessions)

Religious Re-Identity Focus Group Join me in an engaged dialogue on Religious Re-Identity as I research how this journey has affected you personally and relationally

Don't Make Assumptions Finale
I like this agreement because it is the beginning of release. It is a step towards disengaging the false narratives that lead to inner suffering. But you have to be cognizant and an actor, not a passive player in your own reality.
Action Items:
✨ Begin practicing by asking questions. Your communication skills will be better off for it, as will your relationships.
✨Accept the answers you get back. Resist imposing your assumption on others as truth. We disempower others and become an emotional bully when we overstep others word.
✨ Lean on the golden rule- treat others as you would want to be treated. Hate it when others make assumptions about you? Exactly! Resist the temptations to do this to others. You will find a more compassionate stance here.
✨Love yourself by gifting yourself peace of mind and spirit. These are gifts that are priceless. And you are worthy of all of these things.

Have you ever heard the age old saying Assumptions make an ASS out of U and Me? Lord that's so true. When has making an assumption ever served you? Or someone else?
By not making assumptions you reserve space to tackle the truth of what is. Byron Katie's book Loving What Is, is a wonderful book to explore if you want to take challenging assumptions to a deeper level. She takes you through a series of exercises that challenge our false beliefs by asking four questions:
Is it true?
Can I absolutely know its true?
How do I react to the belief of this truth?
Who would I be without this thought (belief or assumption)?
I encourage exploration of these steps to deepen your freedom from control and distraction from being present.

Action Items:
✨ Practice awareness that most assumptions are not truth.
✨Become aware of your inner dialogue- notice what the voices in your head saying. Distract the voices that take away your peace.
✨Find methods of distraction that work best for you (tapping, breathing, whatever it is... notice the thought- but let it drift by without it taking root).
✨Take notice of all the extra energy you have now that you are releasing assumptions. Your whole body and spirit will feel lighter when you let go of the anchor of assuming.

Don't Make Assumptions Part II
Control is a human response to the unknown. When we don't know something, we make up stories. We believe these stories help us feel better. However we often make up stories that leave us feeling worse than if we just sat in the unknown. Yep. True story. We are all guilty of doing this. We are gluttons for punishment. If you are guilty of this raise your hand 👋

Your job is to challenge this instinct. Control is an illusion. Has control ever yielded a truly non-contrived desired result? Our own assumptions can be a testament to how control leaves us and others in conflict.

Action items:
✨ Sit in the stillness of the unknown.
✨Where you feel a knee jerk reaction to assume remind yourself that your inner peace is worth more than a contrived story that shakes your peace.
✨Assure yourself that you are capable of handling even the hardest reality.
✨Save your emotional energy to cope with reality- rather than exhaust your energy dealing with a false assumption.

Four Agreements: Don't Make Assumptions:
How often do you make an assumption? This would be an interesting experiment right out of the gate. Yes, Observe 😊 and count the number of assumptions you make today. Why do this? After all, there are a million other things you can do with your time today.

Do this because:
✨ Assumptions are facts we create, and trust as absolute truth
✨ Assumptions make our lives miserable. Do we ever assume something in a positive light? Not likely.
✨Assumptions provide us a false (and miserable) sense of control.

Do this experiment today and at the close of your day, take pause. Reflect on one you observed. How did that assumption make you feel?
What resulted in that assumption? (a fight? poor communication?)

Tomorrow we dive deeper into the battle to lose control. When we relinquish assumptions, we ease into the discomfort of not being in control (but having better relationships as a result).