Parenting Works

After a ton of hard work, I'm excited to announce that my workbook for grandparents, "The Grand Guide: Mindful Tools for Modern Grandparenting" is finally ready for pre-order! The book is $24.99 (plus shipping) and pre-ordered copies are signed and include a bookmark with regulation tips, for quick reference.

The book is an invaluable resource for families committed to raising children with emotional intelligence and healthy boundaries. It deals details what has changed in parenting over the past several decades (with the research behind it) and step-by-step instructions on what grandparents can do and say in over 40 common scenarios and questions. I describe the tools that I teach parents every day about effective limit setting, providing high-quality support for emotional work, and using play therapeutically. It also includes worksheets to help grandparents determine needs, understand discipline options, and practice co-regulation skills. There's even a worksheet to help grandparents work though the feelings and questions that are bound to emerge as they read the book. It's an easy-to-use guide that you can return to again and again.

My goal is to make this information easier to discuss and implement. Packed with information and support to help every member of your family nurture the next generation with heart and skill, it will empower grandparents and parents with shared language, trust, and understanding.

❤️ 📚 💙

Get your signed copy with the link in my bio or at www.parentingworks.org/ggpreorder

I'm so excited about my new website!! A a huge thank you to Sage for building it!

Parenting Works with Sheena Hill Providing holistic education & helping families master tools to harness the power of development, emotional intelligence, connection, leadership, and play.

I see other parenting and child psychology professionals post often about getting kids to do things "without a tantrum" and it truly baffles and frustrates me (and makes me think they don't actually understand emotional development)!

The goal is not to avoid feelings! We know that limits, transitions, and most active parenting has the potential to bring emotional work. And that's exactly what we want! Our relationship with our children is their safest place and THE place they should off-load all their raw, messy feelings.

Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean we always have the time or reserves to handle the emotions! And setting limits or taking a break is often necessary (and totally legitimate). But we still shouldn't let fear of our child's big feelings haunt us. Remember that the support they get from you and the skills they practice within the security of your love and acceptance directly determine your child's emotional intelligence skills--now and in all their future relationships.

In my work, I regularly listen to parents describe experiences from decades earlier where they were (usually) unsupported. Though these situations probably felt small and unremarkable to their parents, these moments of disconnection made a huge impact on the child. And while they may not be things they think about all the time, the reality of those experiences continue to linger into adulthood.

I'm reminded of the Peter Levine quote, "Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness."

This absolutely doesn't mean you need to be a perfect parent! But it's meant to help you understand how you remain at the mercy of your triggers, even when you can't explicitly connect the dots to hurtful experiences that inform your nervous system to this day. And *that's* truly the powerful thing about parent coaching--it enables you to heal deeply so you can parent in the present rather than the past.

I truly love my job and I'm excited to feel that way despite doing it for over 20 years!

Did you know that I'm the OG parenting coach in Maryland? I started this work before it was cool (these days, it seems like everyone wants to be a parenting specialist) and my spouse says that makes me a very forward thinker because I knew what families needed long ago.

I've been helping parents and professionals find the "why" behind overwhelming behavior and providing the support they need to master the necessary skills to navigate them for over two decades. I walk families through concrete skills. I offer non-judgmental and compassionate support and validation as parents practice tools (this is one of the things my clients say they love the most about working with me). And I back it all up with up-to-date research and "a proven track record" in 21 years of my own parenting.

I get the complex cases. I get the cases that other coaches "didn't know how to help." I get the cases from other clinicians who don't specialize in parenting. I get the cases with clinicians and medical providers who need their own support. I get the cases where parents finally get to see results from all their hard work.

And I'm so blessed to still love it every single day!

💜

It is both fun and annoying to see my Little Critter edit go viral all the time. The fun parts are seeing how much people connect with it and seeing how fiercely loyal so many people--tagging me and continuing to ensure that I get credit. Thank you for that!1

The annoying part is that tons of people have legitimately tried to argue with me, insisting it was their edit and that it is *their handwriting*! It's pretty hilarious how some people can really dig in deeply with this lie. But it is also quite fascinating.

That said, here is the link to my original post from 2018:

https://www.facebook.com/ParentingWorks/photos/pb.100057607503508.-2207520000/1642118965882919/?type=3

I always loved Little Critter when I was a kid, but I don't really love them as a parent. I had to make this correction, for the sake of building healthy emotional intelligence in my son. As we read this he often says, "it's ok to cry when you feel sad, Little Critter!"

What are you doing to create a home that honors and accepts all emotions?

If you have questions or need help teaching emotional intelligence, parent counseling and coaching can really bridge the distance between knowledge and practice and provide your family with support as you gain mastery. I have 3 EQ classes scheduled for later this year and offer private support through in-person and virtual sessions. Let me empower you with *concrete* tools to enhance your skills and relationships!

I've long believed that one of the things that made parenting easier and more effective for me personally is that I enjoy it. And I'm able to enjoy it more when I delight in my children and concentrate on soaking in their goodness. I know that's easy when this are smooth and *much* more difficult when there are challenges.

You've probably heard the saying that love is about feelings and choices. Sometimes, I am simply overwhelmed with those gushy, lovesick feels about my kids (you know that feeling when you want to eat them?!?). But I also have time when those feelings are harder to access. That's where these choices come in!

🌈 I choose to use development as a lens to understand their behavior. I choose to remember they are doing their best at any given moment.
🌈 I choose to lead with respect and admiration for who they uniquely are and what that impacts about their needs (knowing that it's an ongoing process).
🌈 I choose to recognize their inherent goodness and work to meet them where they are. I choose to listen well as often as possible (and get my own listening too!).
🌈 I choose to take an interest in their lives and initiate meaningful and fun interactions. I choose to partner with rather than power over, knowing that they deserve to participate in decisions and resolutions.
🌈 I choose to meet their needs with generosity because they are learning and need support to develop their own interests, skills, values, and identities.
🌈 I choose (again and again) to resist the temptation to use my power to force compliance because I knew people do well when they can and anyone who can't meet expectations needs assistance to do so.
🌈 I choose to acknowledge bids for connection, take accountability, and prioritize repair after ruptures. I know I set the tone.

What do you choose?

A major job of the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) is to search for cues about safety and danger and to send our own signals so others know if interactions with us will offer connection or reactivity.

Neuroception is our subconscious detection system which communicates these messages of danger or safety, influencing both our state and our behavior. This surveillance system gets information from many sources, including internally (in the body), externally *in the environment), and relationally (how our system interacts with the systems of those around us). With this information, the ANS determines the appropriate response to each particular challenge or threat, situation or life experience, and relationship. The ANS asks, "Is it safe to approach or necessary to withdraw?" And your (and your child's) behavior follows that guidance.

This is why I talk so passionately about the importance of creating relational safety to optimize connection and development.

Check out these cool child safety cards. I will have them at my table at the this coming Sunday.