By Shaye

almost exactly a year ago I stuck $100 and my ID in my pocket and went on a bike ride on a crazy windy day while visiting our neighbors to the north 🇨🇦. At the end of the bike ride, the $$ was nowhere to be found even though my ID hadn't budged. I was obviously bummed, but there was no telling where that wind could have carried it away to and I just hoped someone found it and it didn't go to waste.

Fast forward almost 365 days to the morning after a night of storming here in AZ. I made my way down a familiar route I walk outside my neighborhood, and was shocked to see a $100 bill flapping in the wind in the gutter; dirty and soaked.

Think it made it's way home to me?

Life is funny. And sometimes in the midst of storms I think we're sent little reminders to keep us going. Sometimes I think we're lost, flapping in the gutters of life, weighed down and dirty, feeling like a waste - but that $100 is still worth $100. And what was lost was somehow, eventually, restored.

Just some random thoughts for ya.

Happy Thursday! Go walking! 😜

Midnight ramblings on...

Anxiety & Shopping

Need to be in and out of the store in 20 ish minutes to get dinner done in time for bed for the kids.

Want healthy. Ish. Er.

Only need 'a few' things. Keep it simple. Easy. Sure. Let's do this. Totally got this.

Park away from any cars while still as close to the cart return as possible.

Getting to the deli counter and not being able to decide which type of meat to get. Wait in line. Reading and rereading. And reading again, all the different prices and kinds.

Your turn next.

Still haven't decided. That one is cheaper, but what if it's not good and you don't actually end up saving money because no one will eat it. But do I really want to spend $20 on meat.

Customer ahead is finishing.

Still don't know. They're paying. Ahhhh. Abandon ship. Turn the cart and just walk away. Decide to go see if there are any prepackaged meats that are better/cheaper.

Walk the length of the store to see.

Nothing looks good...

Shift focus. Need fruit and salads. Back to the other side of the store. Pineapple or watermelon? Pineapple or watermelon? Pineapple or watermelon? Both. Ok. Both. Done. Next.

Salad. Make it or bagged? Making it is always better. I love the salads I make, but I don't really have time. But I don't really like bagged salads. So make it. But what do I already have at home? Carrots, right? Ya. Are the cucumbers still good? Not sure. Mixed greens or straight spinach? Better deal for the big container, but I never get through it all. But it's only a dollar more than the small one. Big one. Tomatoes. Ok that'll do. Leave the produce section.

Make it two aisles down and decide to go back and grab one of the bagged salads just in case. In case what? I don't know. Just in case.

Ok done.

Meat. Nope. Not ready to make that decision yet.

Sandwich rolls. Easy enough. Same type every time. But nooooooo. They don't have them. So which ones now. Ugghhhhhhhhhh. Why. Deep breaths. Just bread. Won't matter. Except if it does. Just pick one. JUST PICK ONe. .... . . . .. . . . Wait! There they are. The same ones I always get. Phew. Ok. Crisis averted. Heart rate stabilizing. Grab one. But then another. Because maybe the four of us eating will for some reason need 16 rolls? I don't know. Just go with it. More is better than not enough. Right? Right.

The meat.

Still need the meat. Just swallow the bullet and spend the money on the stuff you know is good. Okay fine. I'll do it.

Walk back to the deli counter. One person ahead of me. Looking at the prices again.

'Can I help you?'.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

'Miss?'.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

"Um, ya, no. Sorry. Ya. No. I'm just looking. Thanks."

Ugh.

Can't do it. Walk of shame away from the deli counter. Again.

Walk the length of the store back to the prepackaged meat stuff and throw in 3 party sized bags of chips on the way because there will be no more decision making between Doritos, sour cream & cheddar and BBQ. They all make the cut tonight.

Prepackaged meat.

Head is spinning. Shame is sinking. Clock is ticking. 37 minutes I've been in the store already.

Three different types. Three different brands. That's the final choice. Because. Well. Who knows.

What. Am. I. Even. Doing.

Contemplating putting everything back and grabbing little Ceasar's instead. Pull up the little Ceasar's app. Could just leave the cart right here. This is a mess. I don't even want to make this food. Pizza or groceries. Pizza or groceries.

Pizza AND groceries.

Walk down the frozen food aisle and throw in two frozen pizzas. You know the drill - just in case.

By this point defeated. Flustered. Sweaty. Spinning. Light-headed. Agitated.

See someone from church.

Big nope.

Turn and avoid. Can't do human interaction. Nope. Sorry, literally not you it's me.

Time to pay. $74. What the crap. I came in for four things. Ugh.

Whatever. It's done. I'm done. We're done.

Load the car. Sit in the car and cry. Drive home stressing about dinner and bedtime.

They all ate while I was gone.

Cool.

©shayemay

I wrote this over a year ago while going through my divorce.

In looking back over this page and trying to decide what direction to go with it, if any at all, I was reviewing the page stats.

This one post, that had nothing to do with my business, has had the most engagement by far than any other post in my 7 years of being here.

This post. That was written from a time of my own loss, and heartache and confusion.

Over half of you engaged with this post. Organically. No paid ads. Over 3000 of you. The next highest engagements only rarely neared 1000, and many of those were targeted ads.

It has left me with a desire to use this space to connect people. And with people. To share the hard stuff. The good stuff. The real stuff.

And not just my stuff. There are so many of us trying to find our way through this journey of life - let's not do it alone. Have something you want shared? Let's talk.

So, hi. It's been a while. I'm Shaye and being social makes me anxious. But I'm hoping to be around here more. And to help more.

Bear with me as I do my best to figure out how ❤️

6 years ago, soon after finding out that my husband of 8 years had been unfaithful to a degree that reduced me to nothing, I started ingesting anything and everything that I could that gave me any sort of hope or understanding or grasp on my spinning life.

There was a concept that I came across of rowing my own boat. So often there is this idea that within marriage, or any type of committed relationship, that the two individuals were now sharing a rowboat traveling down the river of life. And I wholeheartedly subscribed to this idea. That there was one boat. Our boat. And if he rocked the boat, brought on water, decided to stop rowing then it negatively affected me. And in some way I always felt responsible to fix it, or pick up the slack or figure out what was wrong with me that was causing it.

Then this idea was introduced to me that we were NOT in fact in the same boat, but two separate boats traveling down the river of life together at our own paces. This idea was mind blowing and freeing to me. It’s a beautiful picture to see two rowboats journeying together, choosing to venture out into the unknown side by side. But this concept made it so that if he decided to stop rowing, I didn’t have to. I was on my own journey still. I was allowed to choose for myself if water came into my boat. If I wanted to stop for a while and catch my breath. If I did something to make it off balance it just took me recentering myself and adjusting my own oars to get back on track.

And the beauty of this, was it was the same for him.

I had for so long taken on his water as mine own. Doubled my workload of rowing when he decided not to. Made space for the variety of distasteful fish that he allowed into the boat, that I didn’t want there. Fought and went in circles when we wanted to paddle different directions.

This idea of two boats, one journey is one I’ve tried to live by ever since, but was just recently reminded of when I found myself back in his boat taking on water and trying to make him go a direction he didn't want to.

I love being on the journey with another human soul, but it’s absolutely imperative that I have my own boat. My own me. My own whole being to bring to the journey. I take care of my boat and the troubles that come with it and he does the same and we can choose how much and when we are able to give to one another based on the condition of our boats.

It was the beginning, for me, of figuring out what was mine to own, what was his and what was ours. Boundaries. You can’t pour from an empty cup, you can’t row from a broken boat.

Row your own boat and allow them to do the same, give up the control of their boat. Let them come into their own and focus on doing the same for you and watch how you both evolve.

Sometimes we’re side by side, sometimes one is further ahead of the other, sometimes my boat is so beat down and broken that I have no choice but to shore up and work on me. But the work I do on myself only ever benefits the journey as a whole.

So pick up those oars, decide on your destination and row your own boat.

Two boats, one journey. Row.

I have a bad habit of "running away" when life gets a little too heavy. In July I was feeling a bit like I was drowning in stress and anxiety and booked a last minute flight to Vancouver. Literally left within 12 hours of hitting the buy button. I had never been. I didn't know anyone. I ended up renting a car and road tripping solo across BC. After the first day I started towards a great aunt's house in Kelowna. The GPS in my car was my only companion and at every interchange it would voice, "in so and so kilometers stay right towards Hope". For 5 hours it directed me towards Hope. The irony wasn't lost on me. And every time I heard it I felt like it was a reminder from above to keep moving towards hope, not only on the foreign roads I found myself alone on, but in my whole life. I've always been kind of a hope ju**ie. Seeing good where others usually wouldn't. I say ju**ie because while I know this, often times blind, hope has led me to some of my greatest destinations it has also left me with some pretty gruesome battle scars from doing this life thing. I'm wondering now which way hope is and how much hope is too much. Is that a thing? Anyways...maybe it's just time to book another trip and gain some clarity again.

Our annual Police Week Sale is now live! Father's Day is right around the corner, grab your gifts now while on sale

Thanks for your support!

It's Police Week and Father's Day is just around the corner. As a small token of our appreciation, below is a reward that can be used during your next visit to shop for the special men and women in your life. Hope you enjoy it!

$5.00 Off at Stuff by Shaye Click here for a free $5.00 coupon at Stuff by Shaye!

I was driving home from school drop off this morning and got stuck behind a cement mixer truck. The spinning of the container caught my attention and got me thinking of the constant motion and moving that is necessary for that cement to not harden.

For some reason this struck me on a deeper level thinking about my life. And how it is the same, that I have to keep moving so that I do not harden. Same goes with water, beautiful and powerful and flowing until it’s not. Until it’s stagnant and still and becomes dirty and infested. Constant movement is necessary. Same with our bodies. Move it or lose it they say. My grandpa has been in an assisted living facility for years now because his body stopped working for him. Because he stopped working for his body long before that. He didn’t move and now he can’t. His legs won’t even support him.

And for me today sitting behind that cement mixer I realized how paralyzed in fear I’ve been. Afraid to move. Afraid that if I move in the “wrong” direction that I will royally screw up my life forever. Questioning every decision, every step, every thought. Waking up in the morning feeling like my soul is gasping for air and I can’t quite catch my breath because I don’t know what to do in this space I find myself in. I’ve been in a holding pattern of fear and doubt and sadness. Not knowing, not having the “answers”.

But that cement truck slowing me down this morning gave me my answer, that really I already knew. Move. I just need to keep moving. In some way. In some form. In any way I can. Move.

So today I invite you to move with me. And not in the way that you’re just floating, going through the motions. But in the way that scares the s**t out of you. Do the things you’re afraid of. Do the things that you’ve been avoiding. Do the things that you know you need to but don’t want. Move. Move in any way you're able. And keep moving.

And I will too.

6 years ago, soon after finding out that my husband of 8 years had been unfaithful to a degree that reduced me to nothing, I started ingesting anything and everything that I could that gave me any sort of hope or understanding or grasp on my spinning life.

There was a concept that I came across of rowing my own boat. So often there is this idea that within marriage, or any type of committed relationship, that the two individuals were now sharing a rowboat traveling down the river of life. And I wholeheartedly subscribed to this idea. That there was one boat. Our boat. And if he rocked the boat, brought on water, decided to stop rowing then it negatively affected me. And in some way I always felt responsible to fix it, or pick up the slack or figure out what was wrong with me that was causing it.

Then this idea was introduced to me that we were NOT in fact in the same boat, but two separate boats traveling down the river of life together at our own paces. This idea was mind blowing and freeing to me. It’s a beautiful picture to see two rowboats journeying together, choosing to venture out into the unknown side by side. But this concept made it so that if he decided to stop rowing, I didn’t have to. I was on my own journey still. I was allowed to choose for myself if water came into my boat. If I wanted to stop for a while and catch my breath. If I did something to make it off balance it just took me recentering myself and adjusting my own oars to get back on track.

And the beauty of this, was it was the same for him.

I had for so long taken on his water as mine own. Doubled my workload of rowing when he decided not to. Made space for the variety of distasteful fish that he allowed into the boat, that I didn’t want there. Fought and went in circles when we wanted to paddle different directions.

This idea of two boats, one journey is one I’ve tried to live by ever since, but was just recently reminded of when I found myself back in his boat taking on water and trying to make him go a direction he didn't want to.

I love being on the journey with another human soul, but it’s absolutely imperative that I have my own boat. My own me. My own whole being to bring to the journey. I take care of my boat and the troubles that come with it and he does the same and we can choose how much and when we are able to give to one another based on the condition of our boats.

It was the beginning, for me, of figuring out what was mine to own, what was his and what was ours. Boundaries. You can’t pour from an empty cup, you can’t row from a broken boat.

Row your own boat and allow them to do the same, give up the control of their boat. Let them come into their own and focus on doing the same for you and watch how you both evolve.

Sometimes we’re side by side, sometimes one is further ahead of the other, sometimes my boat is so beat down and broken that I have no choice but to shore up and work on me. But the work I do on myself only ever benefits the journey as a whole.

So pick up those oars, decide on your destination and row your own boat.

Two boats, one journey. Row.

Happy Monday! I have received a few requests now for wallet cards for Valentine's Day. So I am opening up the shop briefly to accept orders this week only. Order by Friday and receive in time for Valentine's Day. Our wallet cards are one of our best sellers and a sentimental keepsake that can be tucked away in your loved ones wallet, vest or duty bag. I only have 25 of each badge shape, so order now! Available in standard police badge, 6 point sheriff star and 7 point sheriff star.

Order here: https://squareup.com/store/stuff-by-shaye

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been on this page much - life is crazy. All orders from August that were either not received, or needed to be reshipped should now have all been refunded or reshipped. If I somehow missed your message, please let me know. I have responded to all that I've seen. I appreciate all your kindness and hope this leads you into a beautiful weekend!

🙏❤️$18 ❤️🙏 Printed on super soft unisex (men's sizing) crew necks in small - 3XL. Navy, Gray, Black and White. Available to buy locally in Logan, UT and online by commenting sold here or visiting our page and link to online store. FB link in bio.

Now place orders at your convenience! I'll be alternating what's available, but the basics should always be here :) Remember to message me any time you'd like to place a custom order! Use promo code FBFAN for 15% off your first order

SbS Providing handmade personalized items for you and your loved ones. Proud supporter of the thin blue line.