Blessed Are They That Mourn

TYREE NICHOLS’ DEATH
Once again we are faced with the death of a young black man killed by police brutality. His severe injuries were grossly ignored by ambulance personnel, those responsible to offer medical aid.

It was emotionally disturbing to view the videos while simultaneously hearing the police lies that he was disobeying their commands. He was not! Their aggression equaled mob mentality.

The young man’s name was Tyree Nichols and his brutal beatings were a reminder of George Floyd, who also died of police brutality. Again, we witness nation-wide demonstrations against police brutality and a call for police reform.

Neither Mr. Nichols nor any other person deserves such inhumane treatment, which, too often, is experienced by Blacks.
While watching the media coverage, I was deeply moved by his Mother’s dignity, having lost her son in such a horrific manner, now forced to try making sense of his death.

I am paraphrasing her words but the gist was, Tyree was destined to die as a martyr in order to fulfill God’s plans. I suppose she meant Tyree’s death, witnessed worldwide, would gain national movement towards police reform. To her, his destiny, designed by God, was now fulfilled.

Grief does that! Whether our loss is private or public, we look for ways to understand the “WHY.” Searching for answers helps us deal with our loss.

Even in the midst of horrific pain, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1 (KJV)

Betty Potter
2/8/23

DONALD TRUMP AND THE GRIEF PROCESS

Most people are familiar with Donald Trump’s personality as described by those close to him, the media, authors, the White House staff and by self-disclosure, therefore, I am not planning to add my analysis regarding his personality nor am I qualified to do so.

However, most have familiarity with the infamous Stages of Grief due to experiencing a personal loss but also because it has been a “hot” topic for a while now, with much said or written about the subject. As a grief facilitator, I have concluded that President Trump is exemplifying various grief components.

He is a proud person who has described himself as a self-made man. In referencing deceased military persons, he said he “likes winners,” therefore dead military personnel cannot be winners?
Months prior to the election, he had described Joe Biden as the candidate whom he preferred not to challenge.

During the debates he had hoped to use tactics to throw Mr. Biden off his stride which, he hoped, would result in lots of stuttering since Mr. Biden is known to have this disability., however, that ploy was unsuccessful.

Whether or not he publicly acknowledges defeat, realizing that Joe Biden had won the election, Trump became and is still angry. His public denial continued for several days. Consistent with his personality, and with the help of others, he began to devise means by which to overthrow the outcome. That possibility may still exist until the Electoral College votes are certified for either Biden or Trump despite Biden exceeding the amount of Electoral College votes required and despite Trump falling below the requirements. The final outcome of this election will occur in December.

After it became more apparent that Joe Biden had won, Donald Trump withdrew from the public for days and made no mention of the growing pandemic that may have contributed to his loss. His claim to have won the election became less outwardly aggressive. He may still be holding onto a bargaining position where someone(s) can manipulate the election so he continues to be president. That remains to be seen.

I have read predictions about his post-election decisions, equivalent to accepting his loss and establishing a new plan, which could be: commanding the lead of the Republican party; keeping his followers pledged to him through rallies and fund raisers; establishing his own radio/television network following his disdain now for Fox News.

These are all predictions but it sounds to me like President Donald Trump is beginning to accept that Joe Biden will be #46. Of course, all that remains to be seen until January, 2021, when Joe Biden may be sworn in as the President of the United States.
Predictions are that Donald Trump will run in 2024. I have my doubts because he would not be able to withstand another public humiliation.

Betty Potter
Blessed Are They That Mourn

LOVE =
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Empathize® Dated 11/14/20
📷

WHEN GOD AND I DON’T AGREE
I don’t mean to be disrespectful to Him because I have no doubt, God is in charge. In accordance with Revelations 1:8, I know that He is “Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End…”. Borrowing the title of a play, I definitely know that “My Arms Are Too Short to Box with God.” Nevertheless, there are times when God and I don’t agree on what He is doing in the lives of His people.

By His people, I mean, those who believe in Him, who have accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior and despite their faults, are trying hard to obey Him. I am talking about His faithful followers. So, God and I don’t agree when His people, the aforementioned, suffer in ways I don’t understand.

You see, some folk I know are suffering from painful, debilitating illnesses that are unexplainable to me. God and I don’t agree because, left to me, these people would only suffer a little, but to the contrary, would be blessed immeasurably. I don’t necessarily mean material wealth but reasonably good health and a life that is free from their current sufferings.

If you were raised in the church you were taught, don’t question God! I am so thankful that Jesus, questioned God while He was on the cross, i.e., “My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken Me.” He therefore gave us permission to also question, knowing the cause of our questions.

I do understand that, He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” Matthew 5:45. It just seems to me, so many of God’s folk are suffering while the evil and the unjust are getting away with everything. I don’t understand it and this is an instance when God and I do not agree.

Having made my case of not always agreeing with God, I am thankful for His tolerance of me. I am grateful for the Biblical lesson which teaches us that Job’s suffering was because God trusted Job’s faithfulness. He allowed Satan to test Job in spectacular ways. As per my Sunday School teacher, the Book of Job is an indication that “God is bragging on Job.” (I urge you to read this eye opening
adventure.)

I am extremely grateful that although Jesus expressed his human misery, yet for my sake, our sake, He remained on the cross to complete His mission, otherwise, there would be no life with God after our physical death.

Though I often don’t understand why God allows the suffering, I believe that God uses these opportunities to draw unbelievers to Him in ways that are unimaginable. Charities, movements and songs are borne out of the suffering. Example: A man lost his real estate fortune; his son to scarlet fever; and subsequently, four daughters in a sea storm in which his wife barely survived. Yet he penned a song in 1873 that is still very popular, “It Is Well with My Soul,” whose lyrics begin:

When peace like a river attended my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, It is well with my soul.

God and I don’t always agree because I see life through a rose colored glass, as described in I Corinthians 13:12, For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

When I get to heaven, there may be a lot of questions I plan to ask God, but that may depend upon what He asks me.

Betty Potter, Blessed Are They That Mourn

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📷 Dated 10/25/2020

I wish I could personally thank each of you for your very warm sentiments.

Although every word of what I wrote was true, my Mother has been gone for awhile. I cherish those special memories, and as a Grief Facilitator, I now see some of my experiences through an entirely different lens.

Thank you again.

Betty Potter

THE FINAL GOODBYE

My Mother was in a nursing home within walking distance following my failed attempts to care for her.

As a youngster, she repeatedly stated that she would rather be in a nursing home if she was unable to care for herself. Without my having siblings, her care would be my total responsibility. Her concern had been the possibility of “robbing” me of my life. How unselfish.

She’d had a hard life with many disappointments. There was no accumulated wealth nor inheritance of any kind to leave. She sold her home years ago and the remaining amount was used for nursing home care.

During her last few months, she began giving me the few devices she possessed that provided some level of independence including her backscratcher and sock aid. I was unaware that she was dying. I did not understand. Those “gifts” represented her final goodbye. I protested but she insisted. No explanation was given.

Unknown to me, God must have given her a premonition that she would soon be making transition. She seemed peaceful, perhaps having come to grips with the inevitable? Perhaps God had given her peace as referenced in Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Having nothing else, she insisted upon giving me the items she possessed. I took them. I did not understand but in her tranquil state, she did.

Thank you Mother for your unique approach to the final goodbye!

Revelations 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed way.”

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Betty Potter, Bereavement Facilitator
Dated 3/14/20

LOSS OF FREEDOMS
Coronovirus-19

Among the magnitude of losses experienced due to the pandemic, the world is also suffering the loss of socio-economic freedom and the ability to move about wherever we want. I suspect this pandemic will impact us in unimaginable ways, some of which, will become apparent in years to come. Since we are uniquely different, we will grieve our losses at different times and innumerable ways, compounded by additional losses unrelated to the virus.

The loss of freedom has caused an increase in cultural hate crimes which will continue. Domestic violence and divorces may increase due to the stress of confinement. Alcoholism and s*x related crimes may increase along with other behavioral addictions. Murders may increase dramatically since gun purchases are now considered essential; comparable, to the need for food and other emergency items.

After the loss of freedom, is it possible to return to our previous lifestyle? The economic factor will have an unimaginable impact! Currently immeasurable is the effect that the loss of freedom will have on our psyche. We may be unaware that grief will play a significant role in how we react to situations and each other. Stress will still be resonating and tempers may be short. Will we care about anyone beside me and mine? On the lighter side, we can expect more babies perhaps named C***o, Covid or Vironese or Nineteen. For many, caring about and touching is a natural response inherited from centuries when ancestors carried the mantra “we” versus “me;” a time when neighbors looked after each other and their children since they all belonged to the neighborhood, hence, “It takes a village to raise a child.”

Will we continue spacing ourselves 6 feet apart and refrain from touching? Prior to the pandemic, some cultures embraced, shook hands, fist bumped or rubbed noses, which is a common practice in a lot of countries. Will we continue these practices after having to distance ourselves? Will businesses find it less expensive for employees to work from home or, will they determine to rebuild with fewer people, causing additional grief.

When a loss occurs, most of us eventually adapt to a “new norm,” making gradual adjustments. Because our loss of freedom has been so extraordinary and the grieving aspect will soar, it is my prayer that we will seek therapy, without guilt, if necessary.

While we have no idea what the new norm will be, it doesn’t have to be all negative. It can include a greater appreciation for each other and our environment. More of us may recognize that life is precious and our time is limited, thereby dedicating our lives to fulfilling God’s plan. Perhaps that is why God has allowed this pandemic – so that we can turn to Him, “the author and perfector of our faith.” Hebrews 12:2

A Crosswalk author wrote “God comforts us so we can pass it on. We are meant to be channels, not reservoirs.” While this pandemic has rocked our world with such overwhelming uncertainty, that which is true is: “I don’t know what tomorrow holds but I know who holds tomorrow.”

Betty Potter, Blessed Are They that Mourn

LOVE =
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Betty Potter

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY 2017 ©

I believe the All Knowing and All Wise God created the female to carry the baby. But as an illustration of God’s perfect family plan, the first discernable word usually uttered by the baby is “Da Da.” While some folks have their theory about why this is so, I personally believe God wants to reassure the male that he too is a vital part of the babies’ life.

Many men take fatherhood very seriously. They are the backbone of the child’s life. They are the protectors, especially of the female offspring. They are not usually the disciplinarians of female children but often the firm hand of the male child, hoping to guide him to grow into positive manhood. A lot of men work hard to help provide for their families; some also cook and clean as partners rather than adhering to traditional male and female roles. Most importantly, these men are actively “present” with their childen versus just being around them.

Restating what is written in previous blogs, girls learn how to love a man by their father’s demonstration of love toward them. Boys are influenced in treating women based upon the respect their fathers have toward women. Boys generally mimac their dads in the way he handles stressful situations, including grief. Neither divorce nor single parenthood has deterred many men from their responsibilities as fathers. Unfortunately too few of these men are recognized for their efforts.

I salute all MEN, including stepfathers, who have stayed the course. I honor the men who are no longer with us but have been a positive example for their children, their nieces, nephews and the children in their community. Understandably their absences may be painful but they will always be remembered: their legacies continue to live in our hearts.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

Betty Potter, Bereavement and Loss Coach

LOVE =
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Validate feelings
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Dated 6/15/16