In.cen.tive

Two weeks ago, I packed my bags for a NYC weekend. This trip wasn’t about travel, food, or trading Philly for a new experience for a few days, it was about family ties and partnership.

I had two things in mind, finding the best NY pizza (it was DiFara in Brooklyn) and showing up as the partner I wanted to be for the main event we were here for. That called for being attentive to my needs and our needs spoken and unspoken, flexible during figuring out how NY transit works, and present and spacious for my other half who asked for support while journeying through his family tree. We had fun and laughed in the mirror while getting ready and feeling ourselves in our airbnb, and also took deep breaths and gave each other compassionate reminders when a moment called for it.

Giving and receiving feels like freedom and a luxury when you’re with the people you can be comfortable and truly seen with. Thanks to my partner for choosing me as your Wing Woman, for deciding to wear the bold color over the gray one, and for seeking out the chocolatiest, cheesiest, and sexiest looking foods. I love what we create when we’re being intentional about being in it together.

Pro relationship tip: Get you someone who takes candid photos of you when you don’t even ask just because they’re in awe of who you are.

It’s natural to want to follow the crowd, to follow what’s familiar, and to feel like we belong and won’t be judged. The reality though is that it costs way more to suppress who you really are and what makes you YOU, then it does to be judged by anyone. When you leave parts of your identity unacknowledged, you'll miss out on what you're capable of and what could be your greatest celebrations.

If you want to go deep in your true identity and fulfill every important part of your life (especially now that life has changed over this last year +), go to the link in my bio to find the Discovery coaching program and watch the video. If you sign up, I’ll send you a message to your inbox with every detail about doing this 1-on-1 work together. If you have any specific questions about me or my coaching practice, I'm available to answer those too!

This is the first time I've started a coaching program on what I've learned the most about from my own lived experiences and am grateful to be a guide for identity and how it changes the course of life 💛

I always end in conversations about how I got to being a life coach or why I decided to make a huge life change when I did.

No matter where I’ve been, I've always found strength and purpose in helping people with situations they struggled with or ones that made them feel stressed or worried to figure out - whether this was at my day job as an animal advocate and educator, sitting on my couch with a friend, or out at a bar sipping a cocktail with a stranger who became a friend. Maybe this way comes naturally to me, but I realized over time that I'm really good at helping people in their darkest and most uncomfortable moments of truth, because I have personally been to all of those places….and I know what it takes to get through them. And honestly, I got through each and every challenge in my life (especially in my teens and early twenties) mostly on my own and always wish I had someone back then who went through the same things that could help me when I needed it.

From getting myself out of a religious community that wasn't meant for who I am, to learning about love after 2 failed long term toxic relationships, to discovering truth after holding deep secrets as the norm, to creating an unknown career path I didn't see anyone else in my life doing.... I've had a range of life experiences that have been fun and memorable and made me feel alive, and ones I struggled and survived through with my own force. And every single one has made me go to the depths of my identity to know my truest self and has informed every step on my path.

I have many more, but do you have an experience that looking back has informed your path? Are you going through one of them right now? (I mean...I think we're all going through it collectively with what’s happening in the world right now, and we all have our personal stories too). Know that the way forward is a learning experience and every step counts.

A reminder for your path 👇 and an announcement: I've spent the last few weeks creating something that not only felt right for me in business, but that I thought was really needed now that we're still navigating a global pandemic and who we are on the inside has changed so much in the last year and a half.

Sooo…I'm announcing here that I've created the Discover Program for millennials (aka all the 90s kids!) who know they've changed rapidly this last year and want to see those internal changes be brought to outside life! I originally started a coaching business because helping peers with the unknowns so they could feel more confident and whole was my superpower, and I've found a way to turn that into a new way to serve experienced and developing adults (like myself…who have enough life lessons under their belt, but still have so much more to learn about themselves 👩‍🏫).

Use the link in my bio/about me section named "Discovery" to check it out! There's a personalized video from me with more of my story, why I made this, and who will benefit from being a part of it (FYI - it officially starts in September!).

We all go through different phases of life - and some teach us really reaaal life lessons. Some of my darkest times showed me who I really am and where I'm supposed to go next and I can tell you this - there's always so much more to learn about yourself, but the thing you need to learn first is that your individuality can take you to places nothing else can. So no matter where you start, get to know who you are on the inside so you'll be ready to translate that to the outside and shine in the ways you've always wanted to.

Whether you’re younger or older this still applies…

If your values, belief system and the way you see the world is different than your background or how you were raised, and you feel like you can’t truly do the things you want to do because you wouldn’t get approval from your family or you would be exhausted trying to explain yourself knowing most wouldn’t understand…

This is your reminder that you are not your parents.

Separating yourself and your uniqueness from their expectations is the only way you’re going to be able to be truly happy. Your individuality is only yours and being different than what you were taught doesn’t mean anything about you or them, and it certainly doesn’t mean you don’t love the people who contributed to who are you, it just means you love you more.

I know this is not everyone, but if it’s you or if you’ve ever felt this way, comment so I know you’re out there 😊 I’ve been in your shoes and want this page to be a place to help you discover what the future could look like from your individuality while feeling a lot less stress and guilt when your dreams suddenly become the “unapproved” route.

One thing I wish I someone told me sooner....

Surround yourself with the people who are going to make you better (IRL and on social).

It’s kind of like the saying “if you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.” Theres so much to learn about yourself, other people, and the world and you will only be as good as the people you have in your circle, so whose in yours? 👀

Are they working on themselves?

Are they living in a way that inspires you?

What do they care about? (Relevant to my previous post this week)

Who else do they surround themselves with?

If you’re growing into who you REALLY are (after being who you thought you were supposed to be), don’t be surprised when you feel like who and what was once “okay” isn’t how you feel anymore. My circle from 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago looks a lot different than it does today.

Choose the people for where you’re going (meaning who you want to learn from) and who you legitimately want to be around. The more you intentionally make room for YOUR people, the more you’ll find out who adds to your life in the best and most vibrant of ways (and you’ll discover that you start to be that person too which is a cool experience 👌).

What are you passionate about?

Remember being a young 20-something and feeling like you had to be a certain way, for your parents and friends? 🙄 And now you’re in a place in life where you’re like, this just isn’t ME anymore, and you’ve decided to do you, and be the most you, no matter what they say. You just know you have to figure out what that really means and what life’s going to look like over the next 6 months, or year, or longer.

If this is you, sit with yourself and ask the tougher questions you might not know the answers to yet. When you start to know yourself in a deeper way, life starts to feel different and what’s for you or not for you becomes so much clearer.

Fact about me (I was going to say fun fact but it wasn’t really all that fun 🤓): I went to Catholic school my whole life and followed all the rules before I was like “oh hell no, this isn’t me.” And I realized life is full of possibilities, and it was just a matter of working hard to find out what I didn’t know about and become the person I wanted to be. For me.

This is what I’m passionate about. Freedom and the unconventional. You being who you really ARE, no matter your background or environments.

And I know you can do it too, for you. It’s a lot more fun when you have someone in your corner to guide you (like me, I’m that person) but start here by asking yourself what you’re passionate about. What do you really care about, for yourself or for the world?

Work can be fun when you find your passion for it.

Last week I co-hosted a well-being event for veterinary professionals (that’s what I used to be before starting Incentive).

We had 100 people register from all over the world!

We had an AMAZING week, with speakers that shared their biggest tools and deepest life lesions, and inspired 100 people to take action to be their best self.

And it all happened just by talking about it.

This photo is just one example of what it was like to work on something from my heart and to bring a certain energy to excite people and make a difference. And not just for one day or the one week the event was running, but to bring it every day over the course of months of planning.

I had so many takeaways that I’ll share in a future post because I just want to leave you with this for now.

Think about the energy you want to have and share, and start to cultivate that over time. I promise you it’s the answer to anything you want to have happen for you.

*t

The equation for life is simple.
Insight + action = a result.

I shared at the I4 Veterinary Intervention last week that focusing on your best and changing what isn’t working for you is how you become confident in yourself. Life doesn’t work when you keep doing the same things and wishing and waiting for something to change. If you want something different, like new energy in your world this year (and we ALL need some freshness in this pandemic decade) you need to make a change to the equation.

And then, you need to find someone who knows you so they can help you channel your inner voice when you forget. Because we all need those people in our lives, but we really need them as our inspiration when we’re evolving into the best version of ourselves. It seems really simple when you break it down, but it’s certainly not the easiest to embrace.

So if you want some fierce fresh energy:
Decide what kind of change you want
Take one NEW action
Be patient and consistent
Watch it unfold and happen

Think about what you’re changing this year - or even just over the next 3 months. If you’re rewriting your equation, let’s work that out for 20 mins together before more time goes by feeling stale. Either comment here or you can use the link in my bio to set a time on our calendars for the fresh energy you need.

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