08/21/2024
Parents tend to see their mission as helping their kids succeed. But there’s a growing realization among teachers and other professionals who work with children that kids increasingly need help learning how to fail.
First, it’s hard, but parents need to try step back and give kids room to mess up. If you’re always over their shoulder guiding them, they can’t fail and try again. That’s an important experience that they need to learn and grow.
Show empathy
When your kid does fail at something, let them know you see how frustrated and disappointed they are. Skipping right to bouncing back doesn’t give kids the time they need to feel their feelings.
“It’s okay, you’ll do better next time,” can feel invalidating. Instead, try: “I see you’re really disappointed, I know you really wanted to do better.”
Make yourself a model
You could share examples of “failures” you’ve had. Kids aren’t necessarily exposed to the reality that life includes mistakes, missteps, and even failures. As much as everyone likes things to go according to plan, it’s important to teach our children that it is also okay when they don’t.
Make it a teachable moment
When your kid is ready, talk about what went wrong and how they might do things differently next time. Or how they might try again. Help them weigh the pros and cons of their choices.
It’s a balance of acceptance and change. It’s about accepting that the situation is what it is and building frustration tolerance while also asking, ‘Can we change something in the future. Can we learn from this?’
Learning to fail can be painful. But kids will only succeed if they can acquire the skill to handle whatever life throws their way. If kids have so much fear of failing that they can’t function, therapy can help.
Read the complete article here:
https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-learn-to-fail/
