Coaching With Marla

Can I have 30 seconds? I need your input.
When you think about a truly exceptional leader—who comes to mind?
Whom do you consider a great leader?

What made them different?
How did they impact you?
What qualities stood out to you?

As I build out my Freedom Framework, where healthy people become great leaders, I came back to a simple question:
What actually makes a great leader?

I started listing qualities—character, presence, emotional regulation, clarity.
But I realized—my perspective is limited to my own experience.

So I want to hear from you.
Drop it in the comments, send me a DM, or even record a voice note—I’m listening. Tell me your perspective.

If you mention someone on LinkedIn, make their day by them. :-)

I’ll gather what I hear and share the patterns.
Let’s learn from what actually works.

Can I have 30 seconds? I need your input.
When you think about a truly exceptional leader—who comes to mind?
Whom do you consider a great leader?

What made them different?
How did they impact you?
What qualities stood out to you?

As I build out my Freedom Framework, where healthy people become great leaders, I came back to a simple question:
What actually makes a great leader?

I started listing qualities—character, presence, emotional regulation, clarity.
But I realized—my perspective is limited to my own experience.

So I want to hear from you.
Drop it in the comments, send me a DM, or even record a voice note—I’m listening. Tell me your perspective.

If you mention someone on LinkedIn, make their day by them. :-)

I’ll gather what I hear and share the patterns.
Let’s learn from what actually works.

The “Leadership Tax” You Didn’t Know You Were Paying

“Where do you feel that in your body?”
I asked a client.

She looked at me and said,
“I’m a lawyer. I didn’t even know I had feelings until three months ago.”

We laughed.

But here’s what wasn’t funny:
Her most expensive decisions were still driven by them.

We all do it.

We mistake reactive for decisive.
We mistake anxiety for urgency.

Feelings are not a good life coach.

To lead at a high level, you have to know the difference between reaction and intuition.

Intuition is grounded.
Calm.
Clear.

Reactivity is fast.
Emotional.
Unregulated.

And when it takes over, your thinking brain goes offline.
Now you’re not leading—you’re surviving.

Survival keeps you safe.
But it doesn’t help you grow.

That gap?
That’s the Leadership Tax—the hidden cost of reactive leadership.

I know my tells:
– fidgeting or pacing
– all-or-nothing thinking
– “I’ll just do it myself”

You might recognize yours:
– turning small issues into emergencies
– over-controlling because letting go feels risky
– changing direction because the middle feels messy
– shutting down or getting sharp

None of these create great leadership.
They create burnout—and bottlenecks.

The real skill?

Notice the feeling.
Don’t obey it.
Lead anyway.

Stop paying the Leadership Tax.

DM me “LEADERSHIP TAX” and let’s identify where your reactions are costing you—and how to get your thinking brain back in the driver’s seat.

What is the cost of wounded leadership to an organization?

Conferences. Certifications. Coaching programs. Executive retreats.
And most of it is worthwhile. Developing leaders matters. I believe that without reservation.

But there is a budget line that almost no organization accounts for.
The cost of unaddressed wounded leadership.

I experienced this firsthand as the Operations Leader across 10 countries in Central Asia.

The Area Team Leader was brilliant: intelligent, disciplined, athletic, and driven. He also carried unresolved wounds from his past into our meetings.
We all have them, but when we turn a blind eye to them, it comes with a cost.
We, the Leadership Team, learned over time how to play the game. Maybe, in the meetings, we just gave up.

We learned that alignment meant compliance.
Did that make us come up with the best ideas? No.

We were all passionate about improving our work, so we said yes in the meeting and then went out and did it our way.

A vision meant to unify us instead diffused our goals.
Who suffered? Our staff and projects. Central Asian countries were hard, challenging, and emotionally deep. But we were not unified.

This is what wounded leadership costs an organization:

1. Your best people leave...quietly.
They don't storm out. They get quiet first, stop bringing their best ideas, and then one day they're just gone.
Replacement costs: 50–200% of salary.
That doesn’t include the institutional knowledge that walks out with them.

2. Compliance gets rewarded.
The people who survive are the ones who agree.
Your leadership pipeline fills with those who conform, not those who lead.
We don’t drive the best ideas forward.

3. Your vision fractures.
Misaligned leaders create diluted messaging.
What reaches the front line is a shadow of what was intended.
You cannot build a unified culture on a fragmented foundation.
Let's address the wounded elephant in the room. What is unaddressed woundedness in your leadership team actually costing you in talent, in trust, in results?

DM me “wounded elephant”. Let's talk about what it's costing you.

My sister took over the floral department at a grocery store six months ago.
It was a mess.
She brought her work ethic, her eye for beauty, and her standard for excellence—and turned it around completely.
Sales doubled.
Now the store wants it to be a showcase. A full walk-through experience.
So she comes in early.
Stays late.
Skips breaks.
Keeps delivering.
At whose expense?
Not the store’s.

This is the trap of capability.
When you’re the one who gets things done, the work finds you.
Not because you're weak.
Because you're capable.
Because you care.
Because you can see what needs doing—and you know you can do it.

But here’s what I see working with high-achieving leaders:
You’re not burned out because you’re doing too much.
You’re tired because you’ve been carrying who you think you need to be for too long.
The high performer.
The one who has it together.
The one everyone relies on.

Underneath that?
You’re exhausted.
Disconnected.
Quietly wondering… is this it?

Real change doesn’t come from doing more.
Or even doing less.
It comes from shifting who you are underneath the performance.
Getting clear on what is actually yours to carry—
And having the courage to put down what isn’t.

That’s where everything starts to change.

If this feels familiar, message me “FRESH FLOWERS”.
I want to hear what you’ve been carrying.

It seems that everything is optics these days. What we look like vs who we are. Social media, the news, and TV ads all speak of the optics, what we look like, our reputation, when in reality, it is what is underneath.

When I sit down with people one-on-one, be it during a coaching session or while recording a podcast, I get the amazing privilege of seeing the goodness underneath it all. I will fight for a community that values our character above all and serves from a place of beautiful authenticity. Are you with me?

Last week, when I wrote about “Clarity Anchors Us”, the story below framed my thinking around my insights. I'm letting you into my thoughts and the backstory. Here we go!

Speaking on a stage where I can share my story and life lessons that might encourage someone else is a growing desire. So I jumped at a chance to share down in Miami.

Three-hour drive to Miami. Heightened my excitement.
I was nervous, excited, and (I thought that I was) ready.

I even recorded and posted a video on the way down, sharing my excitement.
But things didn’t go as planned.

The hours leading up to the event almost kept me from speaking.
It wasn’t my nerves.
It wasn’t my talk.
I GAVE MY POWER AWAY!

Here is what happened.
The four speakers and the host met in a conference room that day to prepare our talks and discuss how the event would go. What should have felt empowering and collaborative felt… diminishing.
I was interrupted.
Talked over.
Dismissed.

What happened inside? A fimilar old voice came rushing back:
“Stay small.
Stay silent.
You don’t have anything valuable enough to say.
You are nothing.”

I walked out of that room deflated, believing I had nothing important to share.

But Brittney saw me.
She wasn’t even speaking that night. She came to learn. Throughout the day, she noticed the shift in me. She saw my confident, funny, insightful self fade. As we left the room, she walked silently beside me. At the right time, she said exactly what I needed to hear:
“You are amazing, Marla. All you’re missing is confidence.”

She didn’t let me disappear into myself.
Brittney reminded me of who I was and coached me through the false beliefs battling in my brain.

Hours later, I stood on that stage.
The host had no idea what his words had stirred, and honestly, he was no longer the point.

What I knew standing in front of that audience was this:
My story is important.
My reasons for being there were real.
The people in front of me deserved my best.
So I grounded myself.
Took a breath.
And spoke.
In a strange way, I forgot myself… so I could fully be myself.
Impostor syndrome avoided.

I spoke as my authentic self. And afterward, people came up to me to share how my words impacted them. They were deeply moved, they cried, they were inspired.
Thank you, Brittney. Thank you for seeing me and speaking truth.

Who has been your Brittney?
And have you ever been someone else’s?

I've been thinking a lot about clarity lately, specifically, whether it might be an antidote to impostor syndrome.

What if that annoying voice vanished? Never to return. How differently would we show up? How much more would we accomplish, see our plans move forward, and actually enjoy the process?

When we're clear on our values, goals, and purpose, there's no room left for doubt about whether we belong. Clarity anchors us. It brings us back to who we are and what we're here to contribute.

I believe that stepping fully into our authentic selves is what finally quiets that voice. When we trust that our greatest contribution comes from being exactly who we are, not a polished version for someone else's benefit, we will feel and act differently. When we show up with our values and talents, impostor syndrome loses its grip.

That's the freedom I'm chasing. And I think you might be too.

Confidence Isn’t About Size. It’s About Presence.

People who meet me in person after video calls are always surprised.
"I pictured you as seven feet tall."
I'm 4'10". Italian genes won. 🤌
But here's what they're really seeing — it's not height. It's presence.
When my body, mind, and spirit are aligned, I don't feel small. I don't act small. I show up as exactly who I am — focused, grounded, and powerful.
And then sometimes, in the very next moment, something shifts.
I get quiet. I soften my authority. I start trying to prove I'm good enough.
That's the tell.
The moment you're performing "good enough" for the room, you've already given your power away.
Here's what I had to learn the hard way 👇
That room full of confident, accomplished people? They don't need another version of themselves. They need you.
When I feel myself slipping, I do two things:
Ground. Feet on the floor. Breath in, breath out. Step away if I need to. Space gives me back myself.
Get curious. What just triggered me? What am I believing right now? What's actually true?
Then I ask — how would my most confident self show up?
Shed the expectations. Reclaim your energy. Look people in the eye.
They may not want a new way of thinking.
But they need it.
Don't hide who you really are. That's not just confidence.
That's leadership. 💙

PS. This doodle was created as a way to process these thoughts.