06/15/2026
The first day I coached her, I could tell that Sarah was spunky, smart, and clearly good at her job, but I saw a defeated woman, her confidence shot.
A disagreement at work left her not only feeling unsupported but defeated. She reacted, her boss reacted, and the situation escalated.
She was blamed.
Then reprimanded by her boss and HR.
I could tell, not from what she said, but from how she said it, that she was carrying something heavier than the reprimand itself.
Shame.
That situation ended in a panic attack.
In the meeting.
In front of her boss and her team.
Should she have reacted that way?
No.
Should she have been put in that position?
Also no.
Here's what I know to be true: most of us can look calm, sound intelligent, and perform well when things are going smoothly. But what happens when you get accused of something outrageous? When you don't feel heard, supported, or safe?
When you become the scapegoat?
Not after the fact. In that exact moment when your supervisor throws you under the bus. When you feel small, attacked, misunderstood?
For my client, her body responded the only way it knew how. Her thinking mind went offline. Her nervous system took over. And what came out looked, to everyone in that room, like someone who was out of control.
Which made everything worse.
When the dust settled, she couldn't take it back. What she said. How she acted. How people saw her.
That conflict ended her dream job.
Over six months, we did the hard work of untangling that day. Finding the themes that ran through it. Practicing techniques to stay present — in her adult brain — even when the room gets heated and she doesn't feel safe. Learning that staying present is possible. Learning how to exit in a way she could be proud of.
What I've seen firsthand: when things escalate, even the most senior people in the room can collapse into a much younger version of themselves. Your boss. The HR director. Everyone responding not as the adults they are, but from the age they were when they first learned that conflict wasn't safe.
Regulated presence is the skill that changes that.
Not for them.
For you.
Sarah and I celebrated when she landed a new role (with a healthier boss). I got to watch that happen. More importantly, she stopped needing her environment to be conflict-free in order to feel okay. She built the internal muscle to weather what used to take her out completely.
That's the work. That is I do what I do. It's amazing to partner with women who have so much to offer and have so much joy to experience.
If any part of this landed. If you've left a meeting replaying what you wish you'd said, or worse, what you can't take back — I'd love to talk.
DM me, or grab 30 minutes on my calendar. Link in the first comment.
Coach Marla
Note: Sarah is not her given name.
