09/11/2026
If we all agree that listening is so important, then what’s our goal when listening? I’ve been thinking about three questions that can help us reflect on our goal. Here are the questions:
Am I trying to understand, or am I preparing to respond? This is an honest question to consider. It’s human nature when listening to others to prepare to respond, especially when we disagree with others or the conversation is difficult. I may need to slow the conversation down and focus on understanding.
Do I want to learn what is true, or prove that I am right? When the only choice is between being right or wrong, I will probably choose to be right. But what if that’s not the only choice? What if I can listen in a way to learn and possibly find common ground even when I may disagree with others?
What do I really want for this person, for myself, and for the relationship? The word “really” is important here because in the heat of the moment what I want may not be very constructive or helpful. When I pause to consider what I really want, I may be able to create a more inclusive listening space where we can hear one another more clearly and perhaps see something we hadn’t seen before.
Like most things, good listening begins with the listener. This week when listening to others, ask yourself: What is my goal in listening right now?
Asking that one question may help you build a bridge of understanding that strengthens relationships and helps you move forward with others.
If this reflection connects with your own experience, I'd enjoy hearing your thoughts.
