09/02/2022
We humans be SOCIAL. We have deeply-embedded needs to be liked, respected, accepted. Sometimes that need is so strong, it drives us to alter our behaviors and tell ourselves that certain parts of us are not for public consumption. 🙈
Each of us has the power to give attention and care to ALL the parts of “Self” (aka Selves), the power to accept our Selves.
What does that look like? A lot of things.
One way it looks is owning our qualities, our values, our choices, our actions -- even when they’re not encouraged by society or popular with the people in our lives (especially when?). That’s not always easy, at least not for me.
Embracing our diverse Selves, including the insecure, the angry, the scared, the jealous, the embarrassed, the needy… the whole damn crew… embracing all of our parts is key to feeling a sense of genuine Belonging.
We were not taught to do this; to the contrary, we were taught that we have “good” and “bad” traits. We were trained to hold select Selves hostage, and we were punished for letting the bad Selves out of the cage.
It’s gonna take some work to overcome these biases. The effort is worth it. 💪
My own experience tells me… the more parts i embrace, the more i feel at ease, at home in my own skin.
Belonging is the opposite of “fitting in.” Fitting in, peacemaking, hiding the parts i label as negative or weird -- all expert skills of mine -- these patterns leave me feeling like a liar to myself, and way more disconnected from others.
Lonely anyone?
Side note: This is not to diminish all the ways our society squashes collective Belonging. Many of us are swimming upstream. AND, we always have control over our sense of Belonging to Self.
EXPERIMENT. In those moments when we feel like we don’t Belong, what would happen if we shine the light inside first, seeking out even just one tiny new thing that we could tell ourselves the truth about?
BONUS EXPERIMENT. What would happen if we then share that one tiny new truth with another human?
You: “Would you like to meet my shadow?”
Me: “Hell yes. And i will show you mine.” (with your consent of course 😉)
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