Bethany Jantzi, MSc Psychology of Coercive Control

09/26/2026

Isolation and information control are coercive control tactics. Using these tactics allows an abuser to manipulate the victim's perception of reality and ensure that his perspective is the objective baseline for her view of the world and basis for any decision-making. This can foster dependency in the victim and make it harder for her to independently identify and understand any harm she is experiencing.

Normalizing this kind of control as simply part of a husband's role is dangerous. It is control being coded as "protection".

09/05/2026

PART 2: The Connection Between Spiritual Abuse & S*xual Coercion

📝 There is no authentic consent when s*xual coercion is present.

💔 A theology that justifies male entitlement towards women's bodies is dangerous.

In this ideology, the husband's "purity" is maintained by having his wife meet all of his "needs". Therefore, his "purity" trumps his wife's personhood. This violates her autonomy and undercuts her ability to consent.

Let's chat about it using the Mica Francis case as one particular conceptualization of how this can play out in a relationship. *She was also known as Mica Miller, but considering she was trying to get away from JP Miller when she died and her family requested her name be changed posthumously, I will be using Mica Francis.

If you want to understand more about the obligation s*x message that permeates evangelicalism, I recommend book The Great S*x Rescue as she unpacks these messages and evaluates the harm they cause.

☔ Mica deserved so much better than this. I hope this series can help you better spot how coercive control can play out, particularly when it also involves spiritual abuse.

*I made this video two years and felt it was timely to repost it in light of the current conversation around Netflix's The Death of a Pastor's Wife.
Safe Havens is a fantastic resource if you want to learn more.
https://www.interfaithpartners.org/our-resources

If you're questioning your own reality, feeling confused about your relationship or community, or wondering if what you're experiencing is really 'that bad' — let's talk. I offer a free 15-minute consultation so you can get a sense of whether working together might help. No obligation. www.calendly.com/freefromcontrol www.freefromcontrol.ca

Please reach out if you need help:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
800-799-7233 (SAFE)
thehotline.org

National S*xual Assault Hotline
800-656-4673 (HOPE)
www.rainn.org

*This content is based on my understanding of publicly available legal documents and interviews and is meant for educational purposes only. It is not meant to malign any group, community, individual or organization. The information presented reflects my own analysis and interpretation of those sources. It's important to note that these are my opinions, and thus may not represent the whole picture.

09/05/2026

PART ONE
📝 I wrote my dissertation on how certain theologies can be used as a tool of coercive control, particularly against women.

💔 I also wrote about purity culture, how it harms our s*xuality, undermines female autonomy and fuels male entitlement.

Let's chat about it using the Mica Francis case as one particular conceptualization of how this can play out in a relationship.
*I apologize for mispronouncing Mica's name in this first part.
*She was also known as Mica Miller, but considering she was trying to get away from JP Miller when she died and her family requested her name be changed posthumously, I will be using Mica Francis.

☔ Mica deserved so much better than this. I hope this series can help you better spot how coercive control can play out, particularly when it also involves spiritual abuse.

*I made this video two years and felt it was timely to repost it in light of the current conversation around Netflix's The Death of a Pastor's Wife.

If you're questioning your own reality, feeling confused about your relationship or community, or wondering if what you're experiencing is really 'that bad' — let's talk. I offer a free 15-minute consultation so you can get a sense of whether working together might help. No obligation. www.calendly.com/freefromcontrol www.freefromcontrol.ca

Safe Havens is a fantastic resource if you want to learn more.
https://www.interfaithpartners.org/our-resources

Please reach out if you need help:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
800-799-7233 (SAFE)
thehotline.org

National S*xual Assault Hotline
800-656-4673 (HOPE)
www.rainn.org

*This content is based on my understanding of publicly available legal documents and interviews and is meant for educational purposes only. It is not meant to malign any group, community, individual or organization. The information presented reflects my own analysis and interpretation of those sources. It's important to note that these are my opinions, and thus may not represent the whole picture.

09/05/2026

Over four weeks this summer, at least three men murdered their families, killing 12 children among them. On July 24, in Michigan, Kristopher Karolkiewicz shot his wife and their six children and set the house on fire. On July 31, in Wisconsin, Jeffrey Manke killed his two daughters, 11 and 16. On August 23, in Montana, Alan Smith gunned down eight of his relatives -- his parents, his grandmother, his sister, and four children -- at a Sunday dinner. Together, the three men killed 17 people, 12 of them children. And within a day or two, each story had vanished from the national news.

Compare this to the coverage of the Lindsay Clancy case. For weeks, the trial of the Massachusetts mother, who killed her three children in 2023, has been a media fixation. Cable networks have carried it live. CNN, NBC, the Boston Globe, and others have run day-by-day live blogs. Reporters have packed the courthouse by the dozen, some sitting on the floor for lack of room. And the trial is only the latest chapter: the case has been dissected in the national press and on true-crime podcasts for years.

A mother killing her children becomes a national obsession; a father doing the same quickly becomes yesterday's news.

The obvious explanation for the discrepancy is timing: Clancy is on trial, while these three men killed themselves and left no one to prosecute. But it doesn't hold up. Men who murder their families do stand trial -- and their cases almost never command this kind of sustained, wall-to-wall attention. The true-crime sagas that grip the nation for years overwhelmingly feature women who kill. The gender of the killer, it turns out, matters more than the crime.

The numbers tell a different story than the headlines. Family annihilation in America is neither rare nor evenly distributed. According to a 2023 investigation by the Indianapolis Star, drawing on data from the Gun Violence Archive, someone in this country murders their own family roughly once every five days. And the people who do it are almost always men -- by expert estimates, some 91 percent of the time. A gun is used in about nine of ten cases. The victims, disproportionately, are children.

The silence has a dangerous cost. Violence by men has become so normalized that even its most extreme form -- a man murdering his own family -- barely registers. And that silence compounds itself: because these killings rarely break through the noise, most people have no idea how common they are, or how overwhelmingly they are committed by men. The pattern disappears into the background, one fleeting headline at a time.

None of this diminishes the horror of a mother who kills. It only raises the question: why does that horror seize our full attention, while the far more common version -- committed by fathers, husbands, sons -- slips past us in a day?

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--> If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.

--> The Danger Assessment, developed by Dr. Jacquelyn Campbell, is a free tool that helps a woman gauge her risk of being killed by an abusive partner -- https://www.dangerassessment.org/DA.aspx

For a potentially life-saving book for older teens and adults about the early warning signs of abusive relationships, myths about abusive personalities, and how to get help, we highly recommend "Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" at https://www.amightygirl.com/why-does-he-do-that

To teach younger children -- girls and boys alike -- about asserting their own boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others, we highly recommend "Let's Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent, and Respect" for ages 4 to 7 (https://www.amightygirl.com/body-boundaries) and "Consent (for Kids!)" for ages 6 to 10 (https://www.amightygirl.com/consent-for-kids)

For two excellent books about a tween girls' experience with s*xual harassment - both for 10 and up - check out "Maybe He Just Likes You" (https://www.amightygirl.com/maybe-he-just-likes-you) and "That's What Friends Do" (https://www.amightygirl.com/that-s-what-friends-do)

If you’re a parent concerned that your daughter may be in an unhealthy relationship, check out the books “But I Love Him: Protecting Your Teen Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Relationships” (https://www.amightygirl.com/but-i-love-him) and “Saving Beauty From The Beast: How to Protect Your Daughter from an Unhealthy Relationship” (https://www.amightygirl.com/saving-beauty-from-the-beast)

08/26/2026

I was stunned to read this part. Verbal abuse is not myth, nor is it something that "clears up". Her claim reveals a basic misunderstanding of what abuse actually is. Abuse is not a communication problem but a pattern rooted in the abuser's entitlement to control and distorted perception that centres his needs while viewing others' needs as threats to his control.

So if things got better after practicing her six skills, it's worth asking a harder question. Did the relationship actually change, or did you just get smaller?

Placating, shrinking, and self-censoring can look like peace from the outside, but from the inside, they're often just a nervous system learning which words and moods manage the threat level.

08/22/2026

The illusion of "choice" in high control groups. In the Gloriavale doc Devotion: Obedience or Betrayal, the current members insist they have chosen to remain members. Yet not having critical information undermines their ability to actually make informed choices. Including their ability to keep themselves and their loved ones safe. This is why information control is such an important metric when evaluating cults and high control groups.
*He was kept in a separate housing area because leadership was aware of his repeated sa.

If you're questioning your own reality, feeling confused about your relationship or community, or wondering if what you're experiencing is really 'that bad' — let's talk. I offer a free 15-minute consultation so you can get a sense of whether working together might help. No obligation. freefromcontrol.ca

This content is based on my understanding of publicly available documents and interviews and is meant for educational purposes only. It is not meant to malign any group, community, individual or organization. The information presented reflects my own analysis and interpretation of those sources. It's important to note that these are my opinions, and thus may not represent the whole picture.

08/22/2026

There are so many instances in Laura Doyle's book The Empowered Wife where she subtly or explicitly tells women to not trust or act on their own perceptions and concerns. Self-trust is protective and this is why abusers systematically erode it.

Here is one example. Beyond the flawed premise, the logic just does not hold up when we look at the research on abuse and coercive control.

Check out the full podcast and One-Sheet that outlines the key problems at www.baremarriage.com

08/21/2026

“Chances are you either started it or piled it on.”

That’s Laura Doyle in the book The Empowered Wife talking about what she labels “the myth of verbal abuse.”

If he yells at you, belittles you, endlessly criticizes you—it’s all your fault, you see, because you didn’t learn to express yourself properly so that he wouldn’t need to get aggressive and abusive.

This is simply not okay. Abuse is always a choice that is made by the abuser, not something triggered or provoked by the spouse. Abuse is not your fault. You didn’t start it, and you can’t stop it. What you can do is get yourself to safety, and draw clear boundaries (when it is safe to do so).

Amazingly, The New York Times actually did a POSITIVE feature profile of this book a few weeks ago. The book that says that a wife, by what is basically self-erasure, can cure a husband of being physically abusive, addicted, or even mentally ill. All of the marriage problems are because we haven’t learned Doyle’s 6 Intimacy Skills, which are about self-censorship and self-erasure.

It’s horrendous. And today on the Bare Marriage podcast (episode 336) we do a deep dive into the book! Plus you can download a FREE onesheet on the problems with the book, and see it all for yourself!

Check out the latest podcast for the links!

08/20/2026

Delving into this book was no picnic, but at least I got to do with with Bare Marriage and Dr. Merry!

Like horrifically bad. It basically tells women to self-erase and self-censor in order to make husbands have as smooth a ride as possible so that there’s no reason for them to feel triggered, so that they’ll be nice to you.

08/19/2026

The illusion of 'choice' in high control groups.

If information that could lead you to make a different choice is kept from you, your choice is not informed. You think you're making a 'choice', but your perception of reality has been manipulated.

This is why information control is such a critical metric.