R' Dovid Winiarz (the Facebuker Rebbe)

I will be travelling Motzai Shabbos/Saturday nite with the encouragement of my wife and children to a convention in Baltimore ........ If I am delayed in replying to messages...please bear with me :)

Good Shabbos Holy Brothers and Sisters

Klatzko Havdalah ,,,right here Saturday nite at 6:15

Breaking Free of the Slave Mentality

When Moshe stood at the burning bush, HaShem gave him four different promises of redemption to deliver to the Jewish people. In Shemos 6:6-7, HaShem states, "And I will take you out of the burdens of Egypt; I will save you from their work; I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and great judgments, and I will take you to Me as a nation. ("Vehotzeisi, Vehitzalti, Vegoalti, Velokachti") The Seforno assigns a chronological order to these expressions. The burdens eased when the plagues began and they were saved from their work as they exited the borders of Egypt. They were redeemed when the Egyptians drowned in the sea, and became a nation at Mount Sinai. At the third step of the drowning of their captors, the Seforno comments that this is characterized by the word redemption because from that point forward, the Jews were no longer fleeing slaves.

It seems that in order to undergo the complete transformation from slaves to free men, seeing the ten plagues and actually escaping was not enough. There was an additional need for the Jewish people to personally witness their dead captors or they would have still viewed themselves as slaves on the run and not fully redeemed. A person's perception of his own realty is so often based on an inability to let go of a past mindset or ingrained personality traits. How we view ourselves is often the cause of much stress and dissatisfaction and we must work to overcome those toxic feelings and redeem ourselves to be truly free people.

Coming to Terms with Exile

The story is told about a political prisoner in a dark dungeon who always kept his eyes closed. Whenever he needed something, he would grope for it without opening his eyes.

“Why don’t you open your eyes?” a fellow prisoner once asked him. “If you keep them open for a while, they’ll get used to the darkness, and you’ll be able to see a little.”

“That is exactly my reason,” he replied. “I don’t want to get used to this place. I never want to forget that I am living in darkness.”
One of the gravest dangers in any adverse situation is that we may resign ourselves to it. The first step towards redemption, therefore, is the reversal of the mentality of the oppressed, the reawakening of hope and aspiration for freedom.

In this week’s portion, when Hashem promises to take the Jewish people out of Egypt, He uses the famed “four expressions of redemption.” The first of these is (6:6), “And I will take you out from under the burdens of Egypt.” Some commentators point out that the Hebrew word for “burdens,” sivlos, can alternatively be translated as “forbearance.” The verse would then read, “And I will take you out from bearing Egypt.” The Jewish people had learned to tolerate and “bear” the exile. They had come to terms with a life devoid of spiritual fulfillment and human dignity. They lived for the existence of the moment, unable even to think about the transcendent qualities of their former lives.

This was Hashem’s promise. First and foremost, He would take them out of this soporific state and energize them with the spirit of freedom. so that they would no longer be able to tolerate the darkness. They would chafe at their bonds and their estrangement from the spiritual heritage of their forefathers. Their spirits would be revived, and they would regain their former high aspirations. They would no longer be slaves, but free people enchained. This had to be the first stage of their redemption, for otherwise they would forever remain slaves without masters. The second stage could now follow. Hashem would break those chains and raise the Jewish people up to undreamed of heights.

In our present exile, we are, thank Heaven, no longer physically enslaved, but to a large extent, we lack the desire to break free. Our spiritual senses have been dulled, and we have become immune to the pain of exile. We are content not to “rock the boat.” As long as we enjoy the comforts offered by contemporary society, we do not feel deprived of a utopian Israel with a rebuilt Temple and all the Jewish people living together in harmony and spiritual bliss. It is a deprivation to which we have been immunized by the long exile, but a tremendous deprivation nonetheless.

A great sage was staying at an inn far from his home. Late at night, he sat down to say the Tikkun Chatzos, the lamentations over the destruction of the Temple that pious people say after midnight. The sage was so moved by the words of the lamentations that he burst into tears. The innkeeper came running. “Rabbi, rabbi, what happened? Why are you crying?”

“Because our holy Temple was destroyed,” said the rabbi. “Ah, if only the Messiah would come already and take us all out of this exile! Don’t you dream of such a day?”

The innkeeper fidgeted. “Well, what about my inn? What would happen to it? And what about my goats and my chickens? Will I have to leave them behind?” “Your goats! Your chickens! Forget about them. Think about the wonderful life that
awaits us in Israel.”

“Well, to tell you the truth, rabbi. I’m doing fine right here. I’m not sure I want to change things so much.”
“But don’t you ever have trouble from the local riffraff that call you zhid and steal your chickens in the night?” the rabbi asked, trying to find a way to inspire the simple innkeeper to yearn for redemption.
“Yes, you are right,” said the innkeeper, his brow darkening for a moment, but he immediately brightened. “I have an idea, rabbi! Let’s send all the riffraff to Israel, then we can live here in peace. That would be a fine redemption!”

We need to realize that, no matter how comfortable we are, the world we live in is far from perfect. Strife and hatred, ignorance and bigotry still plague our society. We need to look beyond what we have in our own comfortable little niches and see what
we are missing. Yes, we all aspire to a utopian world, but we must first appreciate that there can be no utopia without spirituality. Only in the context of this appreciation can we truly yearn for the redemption. And only though genuine yearning can we hope to achieve it.

Good Advice
~ Wisdom from the Sages through the Ages in the Pages

When Moshe threatened Pharaoh by the fourth plague, Wild Animals, he mentioned that they will come with the ground on which they stand (8:17).

Rav Yonason Eibesh*tz (Medrash Yehonason) quotes the Gemara (Sotah 47a) which teaches us that animals are scared to damage to their fullest extent when they are not in their own environment. We can now better understand why the environment of each wild animal was a necessary factor for the plague.

This natural instinct applies to people as well. We are uncomfortable when we are out of our environment. Therefore, when we encounter others who are visibly not in their comfort zone, we should try to extend ourselves to help them, and make them more comfortable.

Hiding in the Open Daily

And G-d spoke to Moshe and said to him; "I am Hashem! I appeared to Avraham to Yitzchok and to Yaakov as El Shaddai, but with My name HASHEM I did not make Myself known to them. (Shemos: 2-3)
What’s this whole business with the names of HASHEM!? Why should G-d have so many different names? This admittedly can be confusing and even misleading to not only the uninitiated but to many veterans as well. Sometimes, like to the Avos HASHEM appeared as Aleph-Lamed and Shin-Dalet-Yud! What do those two names mean? Why are different names used if HASHEM is ONE!?
I have an old friendship with a fellow whose name is Aaron. We were study partners. For years he was a milkman. He was our milkman. The truck would pull up the driveway and he would emerge from the back with fresh milk and reliably park a few cartons on our doorstep. My children looking out the window would declare and so would if I was up so early to catch it, “The milkman is here!” That’s how we related to him. He was the milkman.
Later that morning when his route was finished and he would appear in the study hall and I would declare, “Oh my study partner- my chavrusa is here!” Going to a wedding or entering a store, when I would meet him in a casual pedestrian setting, I would say, “How are you doing my friend Reb Aaron!?” That’s how I know Aaron in all his different roles, as they related to or showed up in my life. Who is Aaron, when he goes home and the door is closed, and he is alone in the heart of his own heart? I have no idea. It is hard enough for me to know who I am! I cannot possibly peer into and have any grasp of who he really is!
The same is true of the The Almighty! Sure HASHEM is One! However, He shows up and is manifest in our lives in differing ways. We don’t see, nor can we see in this world of physicality the truth of Who HASHEM is in any way. It is beyond our ken! It has not been revealed to us! All we can know though is how HASHEM relates to the world. We don’t see HASHEM but we see what He does.

Similarly, no one ever saw electricity, but yet we live daily from the many ways that electricity works in our lives. It is a force that powers manifold good things in our lives yet it is abstract in its essence. It is a reliable and predictable force. The name Aleph Lamed implies force and direction. HASHEM in the garment of that name is the source of the directive power of this world.
That the earth spins regularly at 1000 mph and hurtles on its elliptical orbit around the sun at almost 67,000 miles an hour, at a steady rate is a display of astounding strength that merits a name, a title. That is only a sliver of the might that might be discovered. It’s the Aleph, the “Oneness in multiplicity”- Elochim- with the LAMED giving direction. Lamed as a prefix means “to”. The name of the letter Lamed is “learn”. The shape of the letter is the traced silhouette of a person learning. When a person learns they are gaining direction.
The name Shin- Dalet- Yud is that name that is scribed on the outer part of the parchment of a Mezuzah. Inside is written the deeper secret that HASHEM is ONE! On the outside though, is the “natural” world. The name Shim-Dalet-Yud implies a world that is Dai- enough. Everything is sufficient and perfectly calibrated. Shadaim in Hebrew refer to the place where a child nurses from his mother. Exactly formulated and precisely measured the child gets just what he needs and no more. A minute before he is born there is no milk, and a few moments later the restaurant is open for business. Who could have dreamed of or designed such an efficient system!?
We don’t see the owner of this patent but His signature of kindliness and efficiency are inscribed in every detail of each and every one of His works. HASHEM hid Himself sufficiently, as the Talmud describes in Chagiga that He said at one point during the creation “Dai-Enough!”

The world is just right! It is opaque with physicality enough to cover HASHEM, and it is translucent, tinged with just enough wonder that real truth seekers like Avraham and his children can find Him hiding in the open, daily.

Rabbi Label Lam Vaera 5775

The Secret Ingredient of a Successful Marriage

What is the secret, mysterious ingredient necessary for bringing together a couple’s disparate personalities? The cementing ingredient is the ultimate in intimacy: physical intimacy.

Physical intimacy is meant to be enjoyable. Thousands of years before Maters and Johnson and the woman’s liberation movement, the Jewish tradition recognized the importance of women gaining as much pleasure from physical intimacy as men. One of the obligations of a Jewish husband is to give his wife physical pleasure.

But intimacy is more than just momentary pleasure. Judaism views physical intimacy as the ultimate vehicle to express emotional intimacy, to create closeness. Therefore Jewish law limited it to framework where emotional bonding is essential. A person engaging in casual expressions of this most personal aspect of life must become desensitized to the emotional dimension of the experience. This desensitization cripples one emotionally and spiritually. When people thus crippled get married, they have difficulty reawakening their sensitivity and achieving true intimacy.

The complete commitment and emotional closeness of marriage allow physical relations to be the most intense, potent, and powerful experience possible. Such an experience is possible when we conserve and reserve all of our sexuality for our spouse.

People were created in such a way that they are meant to be sensitive to every sight, to the slightest touch. Every interaction between husband and wife is meant to be meaningful, even a hand brushing a shoulder. By directing this intimate side of ourselves to one person only, we preserve and enhance it. Sharing this experience with others, whether through speech, dress, or action, dilutes its power. It’s a sad truth that we are the most overexposed generation in history.
Since physical relations play a significant role in the cementing of a marriage, it is of paramount importance that they are always meaningful and enjoyable. One of the most commonly encountered problems in marriage is boredom with physical intimacy, which inevitably creates tension and can contribute to the souring of a relationship. Dr. Domeena Renshaw, head of the Sexual Dysfunction Clinic of Chicago’s Loyola University states that 80 percent of the divorces in Western society come about because of dysfunction within the couple’s intimate lives. Furthermore, 50 percent of the couples who remain married have problems in this area. Familiarity breeding contempt is certainly a significant factor in these problems.

The most natural solution to such a situation, in order to invigorate the relationship, is a temporary cessation of physical contact. (this does not mean emotional distance.) Researchers experimented with this concept and found that it worked beautifully- in the lab. As soon as the couple went home, though, their self-imposed separation agreement didn’t work. They began to find exceptions to the rules they’d created, which brought about confusion, tension, and misunderstanding.

Jewish tradition avoids such ambivalence and ambiguity by employing an objective physiological factor- menstruation- to determine the times of physical closeness and separation. This Divinely ordained system, called “ taharat hamishpachah” ( family puritt), mandates a complete cessation of physical contact between husband and wife during the time of the woman’s menstrual cycle ( a minimum of five days) and for seven days following the cessation of bleeding. The woman checks to ascertain when her period has ended and continues to check that there is no bleeding during the subsequent seven days.

The guesswork is removed; the subtle pressures are eliminated. The onset of the me**es signifies a change in status in the relationship, during which time husband and wife are not permitted to have physical relations with one another: they don’t sleep in the same bed together, nor do they touch each other. Because it is total, the separation enhances physical intimacy when they join together. The goal of this system is to increase awareness and appreciation of physical expressions, making every touch count. Even a good-night kiss should not be a perfunctory ritual, but an expression of love and desire.

Too often, a couple uses physical expression to hide the lack of emotional connection underneath. The physical distance mandated by taharat hamishpachah enables the couple to focus on other methods of interaction. The distance gives them space to communicate on a different level and to be friends with each other. This emphasis on communications then carries over into the time when there is no separation, creating emotional intimacy. Couples who follow this Jewish law find it the glue that holds their relationship together, even when they observe no other Jewish law.

The period of separation also gives us an opportunity for individually, a period of privacy within the total togetherness of marriage. And it reflects respects for the woman’s biological well-being. A woman’s vaginal discharges are slightly acidic and serve as a natural barrier to infection. During her period, this discharge shifts to alkaline, and the natural barrier is lost. It takes about a week for the normal acidity to be restored. The uterine channel is also in a vulnerable state, having shed the protective uterine living, and it takes seven days from the end of menstruation for this lining to re-form. Thus, research has shown, a woman is more susceptible to infection during her period and for the seven days following.

Dr. Alexander Gunn, a renowned British researcher, published the following: “Jewish principles which require couples to abstain from in*******se for a certain number of days after the end of menstruation may be playing their part in protecting the woman. The cells on the surface of the cervix are known to be most susceptible to damage just after menstruation.” This explains another study which has shown that women who observe taharat hamishpachah are twenty times less likely to suffer from cervical cancer than women who do not observe these laws.
But the separation, ultimately, is a means to end. It is intended to build emotional closeness between husband and wife so that when they do come together physically they can express this closeness to the utmost. Marital relations are a physical culmination of a relationship which in its totality should be loving, caring, and emotionally fulfilling.

At the end of seven spotless days the woman bathes thoroughly so she can immerse in the mikveh, a collection of natural waters. The immersion is not intended to cleanse. Rather, the woman, passing through these waters, once again changes her status and joins her husband intimately.

The symbolism of the mikveh is multifaceted. The mikveh waters are called mayim chayim, “living waters.” Water sustains all life; from the rain on the crops to the water in our cells, we are all nourished by water. Thus, at the moment when a couple can renew physical relations, the woman passes through the mikveh as a kind of rebirth. And because the mikveh also symbolizes the rivers of Eden, it serves as a reconnection with the ultimate Source of life and with the spiritual perfection symbolized by the Garden of Eden.

When the woman returns home from the mikveh, she and her husband rejoice in each other and their renewed physical contact. In fact, having martial relations is termed the “ commandment of joy.” After the separation, this reunion is intended to be a loving, passionate expression of the couple’s feelings. It is the wedding night all over again, a rediscovery of each other. With such a cycle of physical separation and reunion, bound together with the thread of emotional connection, a Jewish couple has the key to the golden chain that has enabled the Jewish people to survive through the centuries.

Tourists to Massada, the mountaintop desert fortress in Israel where a group of Jews made a last-ditch effort some two thousand years ago to resist the Romans, are often amazed upon seeing the several ancient mikva’ot that were built by these desperate and beleaguered Jews who, despite their dire circumstances, observed taharat hamishpachah. But it should come as no surprise- the observance of tahrat hamishpachah is central to being Jewish. The act of faith embodied in the wife using the mikveh in order to rejoin physically with her husband is the most powerful ritual in Judaism, because it is the factor that has bound the Jewish family together through millennia. And the Jewish family is the heart and soul of the Jewish people.