WESDA- Women's Empowerment Self-Defense Academy

I should’ve walked away much sooner than I did, but I guess I believed too much in us and our love.
I won’t say that I wished we’d never happened or that it was a mistake, because I believe everything happens for a reason.
I wish that we would’ve worked out and things had turned out differently, but we just weren’t meant for forever.
I’ll never forget the times we had or the love we shared..they’ll always have a special place in my heart.
I learned so much about life, love and myself from our relationship that I couldn’t have discovered any other way.
I know the pain and the tears just went along with the experience of loving you.
I hope you take away as much as I do from our time together..
I forgive you for the anger, resentment and guilt you hurled at me..
I know now after all this time you were just projecting internalized feelings about yourself at me..
And yes, it hurts, but I know you didn’t even realize what you were doing.
That doesn’t make it right or easier to forget, but I am able to slowly make peace with it as I let you go..as I let us go.
There’s always going to be songs, places and things that remind me of you, and it makes me a little wistful when they cross my mind.
But you had your part to play in my story and it wasn’t ever meant for forever,
I know that now.
Day by day, I’m able to let more go and think less about the bad feelings, the ugly fights and the pain you caused in me.
One day, I know the hurt will be replaced by numbness and I will be able to not cry when I think of us.
I do wish you the best and hope life treats you well and you find your happy place, because part of me will always love you.
I’ve moved on, I’m healing and I’m finally able to start letting go of everything- including you.
It’ll take some time, but I’ll be okay.
For a time, it was us, it was love and it was beautiful.
But as the seasons change, so did we..as we were always meant to find our way down diverging paths.
Now, it’s a different chapter for me.
It’s mine, wholly mine ..to live fully , breathe deeply and start smiling again.
I deserve that..and much, much more.
|ravenwolf

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I’m not a failure but I’ve failed.
I’m not a mistake but I’ve screwed up.
I’m not a disaster but I don’t always get it right.
Truth be told,
I’ve fallen more times than I can count and I’m okay with that- I learned from each failure.
I’ve stumbled, failed and made more mistakes than most people,
But then, I’m not like most people...
They haven’t had to claw and scratch to find their way, to survive, just to be happy.
I had to be strong when I thought I had nothing left because I didn’t have any other options.
I surrendered everything that I was to become who I was meant to be.
The critics don’t know what it means to be at the end of their rope and not know where to turn.
But you see, that’s where my story begins- where everyone else’s tale stops.
I didn’t just crash and burn,
I fell and crashed into a million pieces.
I shattered in ways that most can never recover from,
But that’s just the beauty of my story-
It’s a tale of massive failures and anguishing struggle,
It’s a journey of broken hearts and wounded wings..
But more than that,
My path is a story of triumph amongst the tragedy,
Rising from the ashes and finding myself when not long before, I couldn’t even find my way.
It’s a rekindling of my fire when my spark was almost gone.
There were many times I was down and out,
So lost in the darkness I couldn’t even see the light..
But that’s what makes me who I am and part of my indomitable spirit.
I uncovered my strength and unleashed my courage.
I clawed my way out of the abyss into the light.
I didn’t know how I’d make it some days, but somehow I always found a way.
I don’t need help up and I don’t want a hand out.
You can keep your sympathy, I’m gorgeous in all the ways that matter..deep and soulful.
I want someone to walk beside me and appreciate everything that went into making me the beautifully broken heart that roared back from the fire.
Equal, no more and no less.
Love me for me and all my splendid chaos and you’ll begin to understand the fire in my heart.
I have magic in my spirit and a passion in my heart that nothing can take away from me.
So, honey, understand that life may knock me down and I’ll have to fight harder some days,
But you can’t keep a strong person down, ever.
So, stand with me or stand aside, I have places to go and dreams to catch.
Like most wild creatures,
I was always meant to be free.
These wings..they’re made to soar.
Love me the way that I deserve or let me go.. you’ll never keep me in a cage when I’m meant to fly high.
|Ravenwolf

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She looked down at her ringing phone and her heart dropped.
It was him.
Not just any him, but the him that had broken her heart not so very long ago.
A thousand thoughts and memories flashed through her mind as she thought back to their whirlwind romance.
It was a fairy tale at first, his words and affection swept her off her feet like she’d never known..
In a word, it was magical..
Until somehow, it wasn’t anymore.
The happiness and good times slowly changed into something..darker.
The butterflies that once surrounded their love left and she found herself fighting for a love that made her feel bad.
Maybe he put on a facade at first, maybe she ignored the warning signs..maybe she just wanted to believe in love.
Whatever the reason was, she realized after a while that he wasn’t the person she thought him to be..and it made her so sad.
His hateful words and hostility made the beauty of a once delightful love story dissipate until she no longer knew why she was trying any more.
That moment was when everything changed.
She couldn’t allow him to continue to disrespect and mistreat her any more.
No one had that right and she took her power back.
It was an ugly meltdown of something that used to be wonderful...until she dug deep and scrapped her way out of a broken dream, managing to get away from him with her dignity intact.
The mere thought of that time and those bitter memories made her shudder.
So, as his name displayed on her phone and continued to ring, she just shook her head and sighed.
She wasn’t going back to that place where she was once fighting to breathe..
Nothing is worth having to battle for your survival- but she made it to the other side..
Somehow.
Now, she was happier, healthier and every day was a new blessing..
Gone was the dread under which she had once existed.
She was free..finally.
She pressed ‘decline’ on his call and exhaled loudly.
She had decided long ago to leave the past where it belonged - behind her.
While he had taught her a lot about herself-not because she chose to learn those lessons-she had nothing left for him..
Not anymore. Not ever.
She was done with that life, but not the lessons.
So, she slipped her phone back into her pocket and leaned back.
Sometimes, the most wonderful feeling of all is simply to be free.
|ravenwolf

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When we met, I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt.
I hoped the things that I saw and felt that troubled me were just temporary..
That they didn’t really show who you really are.
As I sit here, lying in bed with my heart in pieces, I know now that I should’ve listened to my intuition.
Those red flags weren’t isolated incidents, they were just part of who you are.
I tried to be optimistic and believe you when you’d apologize and say it was a mistake.
Those weren’t mistakes, they were you.
The anger, the moods and the hostility began to slowly reveal themselves just a little bit more over time until I saw more of those ugly behaviors than I saw of the kind and loving you.
And that’s the worst thing of all, I think.
Not that we’re going our separate ways or that we didn’t work out, but that I didn’t trust my head when it was screaming at me to run.
I let my heart win because I believed so much in love...our love.
Instead of fighting for us, I’ve been fighting you for as long as I can remember, and I’m just tired now.
Tired of the fighting, of the angry exchanges, of the feeing of uneasiness when I’m around you..
Walking on eggshells is hard to do all the time, and frankly, I’m done with that.
I’ll have some emotional scars from our time together, but at least I left while I still had my self respect and could hold my head high.
It’s always hard to walk away from someone you love, but we both know this isn’t working and it never will.
Your issues will destroy you if you don’t change..and that makes me sad.
You’ve got a big heart and a beautiful mind underneath it all..it just got lost in all the anger.
I’ll never regret what we had, because I learned a lot about myself throughout it all.
I know what I want and what I’ll never accept again.
I’d rather be alone than lonely in a relationship.
This will be a hard road and it will take some time, but I’ll get there.
I’ll remember the good times and let go of the pain..it’s the only way through the emotional wreckage of our relationship.
But I’ll be fine, I always am.
I will find my way and I’ll come back better and wiser next time.
It’s hard to watch someone destroy themselves, but I had to stop before you destroyed me, too.
So, I wish you the best and I hope you find your way out of the darkness.
I’m taking this time for myself, using my energy to heal and learning how to love myself again.
In time, I’ll be smiling again the way I’ve not done for some time..
Time for me to start living again.. and to be happy once more.
That, for now, has to be enough.
|ravenwolf

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You thought that I’d always be there for you, no matter how you treated me...
But I deserve better than what you’ve given me.
I don’t know how or why our relationship changed, but somewhere along the way it turned dark and ugly.
Our beautiful love story slowly transformed into something completely different..
And it breaks my heart a little more every day.
I don’t know why you ever started to disrespect and disregard my feelings, but it tears me apart when you do.
I’ve tried to talk to you, I’ve done everything I know to do and it doesn’t seem to matter to you.
Somewhere along the way you became angry and resentful and I don’t understand why..
But maybe I never will.
Truthfully, maybe you were always the person I see in front of me right now and I just didn’t see it before..a person can only wear a mask for so long, you know.
You fooled me and my heart- I felt stupid at first, but now I realize maybe you don’t even know who you are.
It doesn’t matter anymore..
I’ve decided I have to stop trying to make us work and make myself happy instead.
Your hurtful words and diminishing actions - I never deserved any of that..no one does.
For a moment, you almost made me stopped believing in myself..but I’m stronger than that.
I’m done living my life holding my breath waiting for the next disaster or angry outburst.
I’m standing up for myself and walking away from you.
I hope you find what you need someday, because I know you have a beautiful heart underneath all the ugliness, but I’m not going to be there to find out.
I know who I am and what I’m worth, something I don’t think you’ve seen for a long time..if ever.
The next few days and months will be hard and I know there will be a lot of times I can’t stop crying, but I have to take care of me now.
I’ve been trying to fix you for too long and it’s almost broken me in the process.
Truthfully, I don’t know where I’m going or what tomorrow may bring, but this is a journey I must take to reclaim the parts of me that I lost in us.
I know you won’t understand and that’s fine..I don’t expect you to.
It’ll be my fault and you’ll blame me for everything..I accept that, sadly.
Not because it’s true, but because we both know it’s not.
Thank you for showing me love for a time and most of all, helping me to see what I don’t want in a relationship.
For a time, it was beautiful, it was love and it was us..
But I’m going to stop hoping for the impossible change in you and start living for myself again.
It won’t be easy, it won’t be painless,
But at least I’ll be happy on my own terms.
For now, that’s all I can ask for.
|ravenwolf

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I know you’ve been beating yourself up about what you didn’t get done, what needs to be done and everything that has gone wrong.
Stop.
Take a deep breath and get out of your head.
You don’t realize the amount of courage it takes every day just to be you..
Most people wouldn’t be able to do it.
The days when you don’t want to get out of bed but you still do.
The moments when you want to cry but hold it together.
The times when you feel like falling apart but find a way to keep going..
Those are the moments of courage and bravery that you don’t even think about..
Sometimes, it’s the little pieces of strength that we string together every day that defines who we are and will become.
You don’t have to climb the mountains all at once..
Take one step after another until you reach the top.
Sometimes, it’s that little voice at the end of the day that reminds you that you’re still here, still fighting, still strong.
Listen to that voice, for tomorrow is a new day and you are never defeated unless you stay down.
So, step back from the world for just a moment and realize how strong, brave and courageous you really are.
Stop beating yourself up about what you haven’t done and recognize what you’ve accomplished.
Life isn’t a journey in a straight line-you’re going to detour, misstep and take wrong turns along the way.
But that’s the beautiful thing about life.
You get another chance every day.
It’s called tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow, stand a little prouder, believe a little more and fight a little harder.
You’ve come a long ways.
You’ve beaten some amazing odds.
And no matter what has happened, you’ve never stayed down.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again.
You’re strong enough,
You’re brave enough,
And most of all, you’ll always rise above the storm.
Look in the mirror and smile, darling.
You got this..and you always will.
Become the storm.
|ravenwolf

Check out my trilogy of paperback books:
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For everything she’s been through and every failure she’s overcome, she still keeps smiling and keeps fighting.
She doesn’t know any other way and was never given any other choice-
Her journey often forced her to her knees and made her find her strength in ways she never thought possible.
She never had help or opportunities- she created her own chances and built her own path to the top.
Life tried to take everything from her so many times that she began to expect nothing less than hard days and steep challenges, every day.
But that’s just the beautiful thing about this woman who fought to become the person she is today-
She never lamented her struggles, asked why or stayed down.
She scrapped, clawed and dug her way out of every fall, each dark place and found her way back to the light.
She’ll tell you that there were many times she wanted to quit and didn’t think she’d make it..
But every time, she did.
Every time, she got stronger.
Every time, she made magic out of her mayhem.
She’ll never tell you that she’s anything special or amazing, she doesn’t think like that.
But what she will tell you with a steely facade and fierce stare is that she’s a warrior.
She’ll fight and struggle but she’ll always come out on top.
That’s just who she is now and the iron spirit she’s battled to become.
So when you meet this unassuming woman with a heart of gold and an unstoppable courage, just stop and take note.
You’ve just crossed paths with one of the most beautiful things you’ll see in this life:
A remarkable and strong woman…
And for everything she is and everything she has become,
Just appreciate her.
She’s paid the price you’ll never know or understand…
And you don’t have to.
She did it…because that’s just who she is:
Strong, proud and unstoppable.
|ravenwolf

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It took me a long time to get to a point where it was just fed up with my life..
But once I got sick and tired with everything , I knew I had to change my life or spend the rest of my days frustrated..
And I’m not going to live that way…ever.
I’ve worked too hard and paid the price too many times to let things turn out the way they’ve been going.
I’m letting go of the toxic people, dead end relationships and fake friends.
I need more authenticity and genuine connections in my life…
And that all starts with me.
I don’t care anymore about what’s cool and trendy, I have my own style and that’s what is important to me.
I’m no longer letting people disrespect and disregard me or my feelings.
I’m taking a stand for who I am, what I deserve and what I want.
If my life is to change, it’s up to me.
I know it’ll take a bit of bravery, a tad of courage and a whole lot of determination…
But I’m up to the task.
This is my life and I don’t want to look back and regret that I didn’t do more, change more and become more.
I’ve got one shot at this and I’m not letting myself down.
It’ll be an uphill battle to get myself and my life to where I want to be,
But I’ll get there.
Life isn’t a race, it’s a journey..
And I’m stepping up my game and letting go of what I have been to become what I can be.
This is my time and my choice..
So I’m choosing change.
One day, one challenge and one dream at a time.
I’m allowed to be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time..
And that’s just what I am-
I couldn’t love that and myself more.
|ravenwolf

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She doesn’t seek attention, fanfare or gratitude..that’s never been what she’s about.
She wears her smile gracefully as it keeps her secrets and past buried in her hidden depths.
Most days, she’s a composed and articulate pillar of strength, but like anyone else, she has some times of glorious disaster mixed in.
She owns who she is and makes no apologies for the person she has worked hard to become.
Most will never climb the mountains she’s had to conquer or brave the fires she’s had to walk through, but that’s just who she is and always will be.
But that undying will to overcome is what’s forged her unstoppable spirit, and she wouldn’t trade any of the dead ends, failures or heartache for anything.
She’s stronger for them and there are days when she needs every ounce of that fortitude.
When the storms come raging into her life and with every turn, threaten to bring her to her knees..
None ever do.
She’s that strong woman that fights her way through the blazes with a smile on her face- she’s been down these roads before, so life can’t surprise her any more.
She’s ready for the best and worst of what life throws at her.
Her heart’s been broken, people have crushed her spirit and the unimaginable has tried to bring her down..
But she’s still here, still standing, still strong.
The thing about someone like her is there is nothing anyone can do that hasn’t been done before.
Those scars of emotional pain- she wears them proudly to remind her of where she’s been.
Those pieces of past broken hearts- she carries those bravely with her to insure that she never makes those mistakes again.
Those dents, scratches and bruises of guilt and regret- she tucks them away just to remember that she’s better now and not doomed to repeat those mistakes.
She’ll never be perfect, but then, she doesn’t want to be.
She just wants the simplest of things in a most complex way:
Happiness, love, loyalty and truth.
She loves her people hard and is always there for anyone who ever needs her, no questions asked.
She won’t ask for help but will be the first to offer it.
No matter the day she’s had or how tired she is, she always shows up..smiling.
After all, when you realize she’s been through the fire and back, still smiling..
You can be sure there’s nothing she can’t handle.
And that’s the most beautiful thing of all:
She overcomes it all and still keeps shining brightly,
Like the diamond she is-
Strong, brave and unstoppable.
|ravenwolf

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My phone rings and my heart falls as I see the name.
Your name.
That’s when the battle between my heart and head rages the hardest.
Deep down, I know I have to let you go.
Our love story began as many do- full of intense passion and fiery love..
But somewhere along the way, we began to unravel and you drifted away from me.
Distance became anger..and soon, the disrespect, the fighting and the belittling became your way..
And I’ll never accept being treated like that, so I left.
You’ve done all the things to try to win me back and said all the things you think I want to hear, but I just can’t believe false promises and empty words.
We’ve tried that before and it never stuck, so I hope one day, you’ll understand why I never came back.
But as I see your name on my phone as it rings, it tugs on my heartstrings and my heart urges me to pick up while my head screams not to..
It’s a horrible feeling and a hard place to be, but I know what’s best for me as I finally find the courage to decline your call.
I close my eyes as my heart pounds, forcibly exhaling as I attempt to calm my nerves.
The mere thought of you sends me into a tailspin that overwhelms me.
It’s too soon and the wounds are too fresh and I fight not to burst into tears as I sit there quietly.
I can’t help but cry as the memories flash through my mind..of happier times , better places and love.
As I erase your voicemail, I wipe away my streaming tears.
Maybe it was love once, but it hasn’t been for some time.
What my heart has been holding onto are the beautiful memories..not the painful reality of today.
Day by day, I let you go a little more and I know I’ll be okay soon.
It’ll always sting some when I think of you, but that’s just part of growth and healing.
It’s still too soon and the wounds are too fresh, but it’ll get better.
Maybe I won’t get there today, tomorrow or next week,
But I’ll find my way..I always do.
For a time, it was beautiful, it was us and it was love,
But those times are long gone.
Now, I’m letting you go so I can love myself better.
I hope someday soon I can tell our story without crying..
I look forward to that.
I look forward to a new chapter.
Most of all, I look forward to just being happy again.
I’ll get there.
|ravenwolf

Here is my set of complete work, books 1-5:
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