Ever Evolving Coaching

After two, going on three years of a pandemic and living in some state of altered connection and isolation, it feels like the need to connect and build community is greater than ever.

What types of community do you have or want in your life?

If you feel like you don’t have any, know that you are not alone!
More and more as we age, our community ties may disappear.

And while we may live in an individualistic society, we are actually collectivist and community oriented by nature. Humans have always lived and thrived in groups, not alone.

This year my focus is on calling in the community I want to be surrounded by and want to see more of in the world.

Community that cares for and about others,
that respects all humans rights,
that practices compassion and empathy for self and others...

Community that allows for everyone to do things imperfectly, messy, and honors making mistakes along the way.

Community that doesn’t give power to bullies, but instead shines a bright light on everyone else trying to make it through each day.

Community not based on comparison, but based on everyone finding their own path to what makes them happy.

Community that lifts and builds others up, rather than tries to diminish, shrink or belittle.

Community that says I may not know exactly what you are going through, but I can sit in your pain and struggle with you for awhile so you don’t have to be alone.

Community that is willing to look like a purple giraffe or spotted elephant amidst the sea of lions, gazelles and seagulls.

Community built on values of love, interconnectedness, collaboration, mutual respect, open-heartedness, and growth.

If this sounds like a community you’d want to be a part of double tap to ❤️ or send me a DM with the word COMMUNITY.

Let’s build it, right here right now!

I sometimes forget that the fear that rises when you’re thinking about doing something new never goes away.

I’ll find myself wishing, praying, or asking the universe to help me let my fear go so I can proceed with ease.

I started to ask for that in my meditation this morning, and I called on my higher self to help guide me.

What first started out as a request to let my fear go, quickly turned into a voice saying “the fear never goes away. You have to move in spite of it”

And I then found myself repeating this mantra: “May I be courageous, in spite of my fear”

That was all I needed to hear.

May I be courageous enough...
to grow
to show up
to be visible
to put myself out there
to try something different
to use my voice
… in spite of my fear

When we call on our courage we allow the fear to be there and still keep moving forward.

What do you need the courage to do that fear has been getting in the way of? Tell me below and let’s face the fear together and keep it moving! You got this!

If someone said to me “I feel totally confident, I know what I’m doing all the time”, it would honestly make me want to slap the nonsense out of them. Because sis, that is just plain BS!

Or they’re just lying to try and look better.

Here’s what… You aren’t supposed to feel confident 100% of the time or always know what you’re doing!

Most of us have no idea what we’re doing at least half the time in life. I know I at least feel that way.

Plus, it’s healthy to keep stretching yourself outside your comfort zone. And with that stretch comes insecurity, doubt, fear.

These aren’t things to shy away from, let’s embrace them and keep showing up.

If you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing with your life, your work, yourself, it’s okay.

Go easy on yourself.

Give yourself some grace.

The only way you get closer to figuring it out is to keep trying. Try different things, explore, experiment, ask other people, give yourself permission to do things you wouldn’t normally do and let it be imperfect.

And remember you’re not alone! We’re all just trying to figure it out too.

If you could do 1 thing outside your comfort zone today what would it be? Tell me in the comments below 👇

Are you getting caught up in what you anticipate, hope or expect the outcome to be or are you letting yourself embrace the journey, the process, and the evolution of the experience?

I sometimes find myself getting so distracted by the outcome of a situation that I completely loose sight of the most compelling part of the whole thing- the process and journey to get there.

Where am I going?
What is the endpoint?

It doesn’t really matter.

Because I’ve found that the real joy in life comes not from reaching that goal moment, but rather from watching and experiencing myself grow, struggle, work through the problems and find ways to navigate the inevitable challenges, pitfalls and surprises.

It’s not the pretty package that I always want it to be, and the process is quite frequently also called “the messy middle” for a reason.

Because it is messy. And it is usually imperfect.

And as it turns out, I wouldn’t f@cking trade that part for anything anymore. I may hate the messy middle sometimes, I may kick and scream and pout along the way (usually internally, but sometimes externally too), but it is the absolute richest experience and where I often gain the most too.

For all my fellow perfectionists, I know this is a hard shift to make.
For my fellow outcome oriented, goal driven leaders, I know it’s hard to take your eye off that prize enough to embrace the middle.

But I promise you, I PROMISE YOU, it is SO worth it!

Will you join me here? In the messy middle. There’s an open seat on the stair right next to me, just for you.

Anybody else feel the urge to hibernate creeping up?

Maybe it’s already been there for awhile, but I notice as winter has approached more these last week few weeks here on the east coast my desire to curl up on the couch with a good book or movie has increased tenfold.

Winter is meant to be the season of rest, of slowing down and going in. Yet for so many of the people I work with taking down time can also come with a side of guilt or feeling antsy.

Sometimes this is most noticeable during the transition period from busy to rest.
Sometimes it comes out of the blue.
Sometimes it’s always there.

Notice what comes up for you when it’s time to rest and do less.

Do you struggle to let go or can you embrace the change of pace full heartedly?

Either way see if you can make space for whatever feeling comes up. Breathe into the feeling. Don’t try to change it or judge it. Just let it be there with you.

Give yourself permission to let go and to rest. You don’t have to earn it and you without a doubt deserve it. Simply being a human in this day and age deserves rest, periodically and often.

This is my humble gift to you, permission to stop forcing or pushing through. Permission to take care of yourself and say no to others. Permission to cancel that meeting or take the afternoon off or even a whole day- just because.

What’s your favorite way to rest or relax this time of year? Tell me in the comments 👇

Being growth oriented is one superpower that a lot of the people I work with have in common.

Growth oriented people are responsible for some of our greatest innovations, inventions, and breakthroughs around the world.

But, as the law of motion says: for every action (or positive), there is a reaction (or negative).

One problem I frequently notice that plagues a lot of growth oriented peeps, myself included, is the tendency to second guess yourself and your gifts/talents.

As someone who’s always looking ahead and working to improve things, it’s easy to stay focused on all the people ahead of you or things you have yet to do/learn/change. And when that is the view you take most of the time, it can lead to feeling discouraged or frustrated if things aren’t happening “fast enough”.

Another is that you may beat yourself up every time you find yourself getting bored with something again, asking: “why can’t I just stick this out longer? What’s wrong with me?"

The answer: NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU!

Instead, I challenge you to practice accepting and embracing this aspect of yourself. AND allow both sides to be present. (I’ll do a separate post on the power of both/and thinking later)

Look at what being driven, ambitious, growth oriented has gotten you and celebrate those things. Now, recognize that you may not have gotten there without also feeling the uncomfortable or negative effects as well. Let them both be true and valid experiences.

Then ask yourself, these questions:

What am I afraid will happen if I embrace this part of me more?

What am I afraid of happening if I let go of this thing that’s no longer working for me?

Finally, imagine what your life might feel like if you full heartedly embraced this part of you and gave it more room to breathe? What might you do differently today, tomorrow, or next year?

Tell me what comes up for you in the comments or shoot me a DM.

Do you have any of these parts running amok in your life? Or maybe a combination of several? When this part of your personality shows up it can either feel like it’s helping or hurting you. Having these parts are not only natural, but also extremely common.

So how is it sabotaging your joy?

Because it usually runs on auto-pilot the majority of the time. You may not be aware what’s happening or when it’s running the show.

And when we’re unconscious to things in our life, it means we’re unaware of the larger impact they’re having. Plus you’re more likely to miss out on opportunities for things like joy or the transformation that can come from breaking old patterns.

"What do I do about that?” You ask…

First you’ve got to identify which one is running the show most often. I’ve created a quick, free quiz to do exactly that. Head to the link in my bio and see which part may be sabotaging your joy, and learn tools to start breaking the pattern for good.

Working to become a better version of yourself, to heal old traumas and wounds, to challenge and change no longer helpful beliefs and mindsets into new ones, learning how to show up different in the world, all of it, is hard freaking work.

It is work that often feels never ending because it is never ending. There seems to always be a new layer of depth to uncover and work through. The process of finding yourself or creating a different version of your life may very well take a lifetime.

And that’s okay.

Self improvement isn’t necessarily about getting to the end result or achieving some level of perfection, ultimate happiness, or supreme enlightenment. It’s about learning to embrace the journey as it comes and for as long as you get to be on it.

It’s about learning to recognize that it comes in stages and steps, starts and stops. There are times you plateau, times you're moving forward, and times you’re temporarily moving backwards.

It is all okay.

It can easily feel discouraging to think about “all that’s left to do” and embrace the journey. So in those moments, I find it’s helpful to stop for a little while and instead remind yourself of how far you’ve come and all that you’ve done.

The fact that you made it this far, to this moment is damn impressive. Please don’t forget that. You are so much stronger and more capable and resilient than you may realize. Stop and acknowledge that. Acknowledge yourself. You deserve it. I just wanted you to know, how amazing that is.

Why is the hardest part always just getting started?

Procrastination has slowed me down from doing so many things in my life. For a long time I thought the procrastination was a symptom of my perfectionism, and sometimes it is. But more than just a fear of not doing things perfect, my procrastination is usually tied to some larger anxiety I may be having.

Sometimes it’s anxiety about how other people will respond to something. Sometimes it’s anxiety about making the wrong decision. Sometimes it’s just anxiety for no good damn reason.

And yeah, it still slows me down at times, and I may have an internal fight with myself every now and then about it. But I also have learned to embrace my natural rhythms and go at my own pace. Forcing myself to push through is not always helpful. In fact it’s usually the opposite of helpful, it ends up hurting in the end.

What I do know is that I usually just need a push to get over the momentum of doing nothing, to do something, anything. And once the ball is rolling I can often accomplish what I had intended to. But without giving myself compassion around doing any small element of the thing I’m trying to finish, or reminding myself it’s okay if it’s messy and imperfect, or honoring my body if it truly wants rest, I’d keep battling myself and making the situation worse.

Do you struggle with procrastination or perfectionism? How about that inner critic voice? If you want to see how these might be showing up for you head to the quiz in my bio and see how to take back control.

Clients often tell me: “I just want to be able to take more vacations” and then they’ll feel better about life.

I don’t blame them, vacations are great! I’m sure if we all had more time off we’d all be a lot happier. Or you could just move to Europe or another country where they understand and value taking time to rest and enjoy lots of time off.

But baring a cross ocean move or maxing out all your PTO at once, there are lots of ways you can start to create that vacation feeling in your life now. And you’d be surprised at how a little tweak like adding in more of these to your weekly or monthly routine can have a big impact.

What’s your favorite way to create that vacation feeling even when you can’t get away? DM me or tell me in the comments below 👇

Do you intentionally create joy in your life or wait for it happen?

If you’re only waiting for the in life to fuel your joy tank, you probably spend a lot of time feeling lackluster and “meh” in between.

Not that those big moments aren’t amazing and well worth the wait when they happen. But it means you’re leaving a lot of opportunity for more joy on the table. And who the heck doesn’t want more joy in their life now?

Me: “Hi, would you like some more joy in your life?”
Nobody: No thank you, I’m all set

So how do you intentionally create more, you ask?

Start with the okay moments, the “yeah, it was good” moments and see if you can turn the speaker on them way up! Try asking yourself these questions:

What about that okay or good moment made it special?
How did that moment add something that: created a sense of relief, gave you some warm fuzzies, gave you something interesting to ponder over…

Then double the amount of attention you put on the feeling it created.

Your brain is like a sponge for all the experiences we have. So it’s up to you to intentionally soak up all the good stuff on the table. That’s how you start to increase your joy meter. Try it and tell me how it goes. And if you want to see if there’s something you’re doing that’s unconsciously blocking your joy meter head to the quiz in my bio.