Ambyond

Take a break this holiday season to rejuvenate and reset.

“You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere.

Why did you spill the coffee?

"Because someone bumped into me!!!"

Wrong answer.

You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup.

Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea.

*Whatever is inside the cup is what will spill out.*

Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It's easy to fake it, until you get rattled.

*So we have to ask ourselves... “what's in my cup?"*

When life gets tough, what spills over?

Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility?

Anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions?

Life provides the cup, YOU choose how to fill it.

Today let's work towards filling our cups with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, words of affirmation; and kindness, gentleness and love for others.”

- Article credit - Cindy Weaver Young

For every behavior there is a context in which it makes sense. If a behavior doesn't make sense to you, then maybe you are missing their part of the context. What does someone want to achieve with this behavior? What value (s) does this person fulfill with this? Context is everything.

Today, Choose a behavior of your own that you are not satisfied with and ask yourself what is the positive intention.

Do you want to have a conversion but put it off till the situation happens again? What are you feeling in a relationship - lonely, disrespected, failure, not heard etc.? What needs are not being met?

Sometimes avoiding difficult situations ensures comfort. Having a conversation is better than not having it at all. Get the issue on the table, resolve it, and move on.

1. Respect and Vulnerability:

Start from a place of respect for both yourself and the other person. Acknowledge your fear and needs. Understand another person's fear and needs. Start with an open mind, an open attitude, and an open desire to learn. Even when the subject matter is difficult, conversations can remain mutually supportive.

2. Impact doesn’t mean intent:

What self-talk are you having about a person's intent. You may feel disrespected, Loneliness, failure, or not heard. A good question to ask here – How does A cause B. As Judy Ringer says, Impact doesn’t mean intent.

3. Make the problem tangible:

If the feeling is that the partner doesn’t care enough. What does “care” mean to you? What does “enough” mean to you? How do they define it? How do you define it? If it’s regarding your manager, say “performance”. How do you define it? Or how does your manager define it?

4. Replace judgement to curiosity:

Add curiosity in the moments of conflicts as it doesn’t come from the place of opinions or preconceived notions or judgement. Curiosity helps conflict into a conversation. Ask for more clarification - “I want to fully understand your point of view. Can you explain that to me a bit more? I am not able to comprehend it”. Reframe your opponent as a partner.

5. Agree to disagree:

This is the ability to hold and embrace two conflicting ideas together. One doesn’t have to be wrong for the other person to be right and vice versa. It matters how you both feel. Try the “And” Stance. I feel this way and you feel that way. You can be right and wrong at the same time. Ask yourself "how can we manage this problem?" instead of "who's right?". Find ease in discomfort.

6. Trigger points:

What emotional “buttons” are being pushed. What is the “story”? What situation “triggers” these emotions. How old is the emotion? What is the history of “relationship” .

7. Perpetual Position:

Some good questions to ponder are - What information do they have that you don't. What information do you have that they don’t? How does he/she perceive it. How are you perceiving it?

8. Self-Awareness:

Be curious about what you don't know about yourself and why you feel this way? What experiences are repeating? What baggage are you carrying?

9. Allow space and silence:

Space and silence would help both of you to process and understand the situation.

10. Practice, Practice, and Practice: The more you practice the better you get.

If you need help in exploring DM us or email us at [email protected]

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byond

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