Mind Your Boundaries

Mind Your Boundaries We didn’t know what boundaries were until it was too late. Now we help families avoid unnecessary estrangement, one honest conversation at a time.
(14)

Welcome to our community! 💛

08/18/2026

🤷🏻‍♀️ What if one of their children had an affair and married the affair partner?

Does that change the stance at all?

That should have been my third question (dang it) I just thought if it…

For me that clears everything up QUICK.

If I’m the husband and Frank can’t enter my home because I’m standing with my father…

Thinking about it in terms of if this were my child, instantly I know the new partner who contributed in breaking apart my child’s family, they would be welcome in my home.

But that’s just me and I hope that third question provides some massive clarity.

Because to be honest, I was writing this caption feeling very torn like how would I feel etc. and that question cut right thru the noise.

PSA - the story was shared by one of you for educational and reflective purposes only. Not meant to replace advice or treatment from a licensed professionals. 

08/17/2026

Part 3/3: how would you feel if after all these years, your husband finally says, they’re gonna stay at a hotel??

This is AFTER you finally decide to remove yourself from a very unhealthy environment…

I’d be so dang hurt.

Again, I’m not saying he’s a bad husband, but I am saying he had a big fat blind spot when it came to his parents and how his mom treated his wife.

This mother-in-law has every right to not like animals living in the home.

She believes it’s unhygienic, that’s her right. A lot of people feel that way.

But what she can’t do is expect her daughte-in-law to kick out her geriatric dog for her comfort and when the DIL says no, CLEARLY AND CONSISTENTLY for years, she can’t then argue with DIL through her entire two week stay (every single year!). Pure disrespect.

So good on the DIL for removing herself from the conversation. Sad it took this for the husband to step up.

Going forward this should never ever ever be a discussion again.

In-laws stay at a hotel, period end of story and if the husband wants to go stay with them there, fine.

But I’d entertain zero conversations going forward about my beloved four legged friend.

I’d drive to every dinner, the moment it’s brought up, if husband doesn’t shut it down, I’d politely excuse myself and leave early.

Thoughts?

08/17/2026

Part 2/3: Would you have removed yourself and your older dog if your MIL wouldn’t drop this?

I don’t think I would have made it this far personally.

After the first visit and my MIL not dropping it, she can certainly visit (staying at a hotel), I’d be respectful, join for dinners etc but she would not be staying in my house for me to be trapped in an argument while my husband goes off to work.

With all that said. This was such a good example of removing yourself from even participating in the conversation.

She never ever backed down on her boundary: no I will not kick out my dog for you to come and stay.

When that wasn’t respected she changed her behavior and left entirely.

And just wait… wait to see what happens when her husband realizes he’s gonna have to absorb the entire visit…

See you in part three.

08/17/2026

💭 Thoughts?

I have so many thoughts! This is WILD to me. 🤯

It’s one thing to have a strong opinion about dogs living in the home but then to pressure someone to kick their dog out so you feel comfortable??

Not only that but to continue the argument throughout your ENTIRE stay… and you do this every year for years and years… good lord I’d be having some words with my husband after the first trip.

But what’s super interesting is the advice she got back…. Had NOTHING do to with what she ultimately decided to do differently this year.

We’ll talk about that in part two.

If you’re Torie, what would you do?This is 1000% NOT fair to EITHER child.When one kid gets carried while the other gets...
08/15/2026

If you’re Torie, what would you do?

This is 1000% NOT fair to EITHER child.

When one kid gets carried while the other gets handed the whole load, both of them lose.

Torie loses her time, energy, making memories with her kids. And Billy? He loses the chance to ever find out he could’ve shown up, that’s he’s fully capable.

Nobody wins here, not even the golden one.

Now let’s talk about Mom…

I don’t know her however in my experience working in this field for nearly 15 years, this kind of thing usually starts with fear.

Somewhere along the way a parent decides one kid is the fragile one, needs more from them. Perhaps he struggled, got sick, just made the parent feel better by allowing themselves to be taken care of…

So now she protects him even when it’s unnecessary and actually doing more harm.

Meanwhile the steady kid gets a very different message. “You’re so strong or you’re the best at this.”

It sounds like a compliment, but it’s not, it’s a job offer, and you got hired at like age seven.

Those roles get comfy over the years. Billy learns he’s the one who gets taken care of, Torie learns she’s the one who does the caring, and Mom probably can’t even see it anymore.

This would be an example of what emotional immaturity can look like, and it’s not cruelty.

It’s a person doing the best they can with what they’ve got. AND that doesn’t mean Torie keeps carrying all of it.

So what would I do? I’d share the load out loud, and I’d hold my line using the Clear Formula:

Connect: “Mom, I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Limit: “And I can’t be the only one doing this anymore.”

Explain the benefit: “When Billy pitches in too, you get more of us, and I don’t burn all the way out.”

(After she pushes back out of fear)

Assure: “I’m still here. Groceries will be delivered every week, I’ll stop over once a month to fill your pill boxes, and take you to two appointments a month.”

Repeat: Calm and steady every single time she pushes back. And she will push.

08/14/2026

If you lived with your mother-in-law and the option of her moving out wasn’t a possibility, what would you do?

I feel so bad for everyone in the situation, the mother-in-law included.

This pattern of behavior would be extremely frustrating, infuriating, defeating, AND it’s very likely not an act.

I’ve worked with so many people where conflict gets miswired in their nervous system, and it registers in their brain like a life threat, physical danger, so when they leave… that’s what they’re avoiding.

Not necessarily a conversation or being held accountable, but truly their brain is getting a signal that says this is 🚨dangerous, I need to get out of here.

The way the mother-in-law is reaching out to her son could quite literally be what she’s experiencing.

Or it could be starting a dumpster fire somewhere else to dodge accountability… but I think there’s a good chance it’s the former.

If this were my life, my situation, I’d do couples therapy.

Make sure my husband has the tools to recognize he’s not hurting his mom by protecting me and setting healthy boundaries.

This would also help him check in on his own nervous system and make sure no wires got crossed from childhood training.

If this is our living situation and it can’t change for whatever reason, we need to learn how to live together, because this isn’t healthy for anyone.

Once we get on the same page and we have a solid foundation, then I’d move on to family therapy with the mother-in-law.

Lots of layers, lots of things that could be going on here.

I’d also tell my mom, the next time my mother-in-law calls to talk about me (out of concern), to redirect her straight back to me and not pass along what she said.

Right now my mom’s getting pulled into the drama triangle as a messenger, and that shuts it down.

Remember, if money is tight, many churches and communities will either offer free counseling and guidance, or pay for a set number of sessions with a local therapist. 💛

PSA - this story was shared by one of you for educational and reflective purposes only. Not meant to replace advice from licensed professionals.

08/13/2026

Comment “Kelly” and we’ll send you the podcast episode.

Kelly wants to know would you tell your in-laws the truth if they couldn’t accept your daughter’s “no”?

She’s wondering this after the family accuses her and her husband of being controlling and preventing a relationship between their daughter and the aunt.

PSA - this story was shared by one of you for educational and reflective purposes only. Not meant to replace advice or treatment by licensed professionals.

08/12/2026

‼️UPDATE: Anyone else worried she was being COMPLETELY used in part 1?

🙋🏻‍♀️ SAME.

Based on the first round of details we received I was like, OH MY GOSH this is so unfair! 😖

Personally, I could not be in a marriage where I’m grinding away, stressing about money, all the while my husband watches me struggle from the comfort of our sofa.

But learning more about their story, hearing how he cared for his sibling until it became too much to do in their home, and seeing that he does try and get work, he’s just not getting calls back… Phewta 😮‍💨 I feel so much better.

‼️AND if this were my story… Therapy for my husband would be a nonnegotiable.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write back in. Ryan and I wish you and your husband the very best.

Don’t be afraid to keep us posted. We will all celebrate as a community any progress. 💛

PSA the story was shared by one of you for educational and reflected purposes only. Not meant to replace treatment or advice from licensed professionals.

Thanks so much for watching!



08/11/2026

🤔 Your answer to this one says more about you than it says about your daughter-in-law.

If respect sits at the top of your list, you probably want to have a chat.

Maybe fairness runs deeper for you, that right and wrong pull, so you’ll likely meet it head on, if that’s the case.

Or if you’re wired like me, where relationships and memories and quality time win every time, you’ll say nothing and quietly adjust how available you are going forward.

The part I keep sitting with is this… It’s gossip.

Gossip that really hurt this grandma. And now that DIL 2 cracked that door open, more of it will probably sneak through.

If I’m not going to act on it, I’d rather not carry it at all.

So as long as DIL 1 stays respectful to my face, values what I give, and we keep a good relationship, I’m okay letting a little ignorance be bliss.

I’d adjust how much I accommodate, and I keep enjoying my family and those grandbabies.

🚨One more thing, If I were DIL 2, I’d be standing up for a grandma who shows up like this one!

And I wouldn’t give an audience to someone talking poorly about her either.

That’s how I’d really protect her... Not by telling her something that she probably can’t take action on and then she just has to carry this burden now.

I’d say to DIL 1 (if I’m DIL2):

“Sounds like you two have some things to work out, but I’m not comfortable talking about her this way, she does so much for our family. So let’s talk about Timmy’s soccer game.”

Set the boundary and change the subject.

We only have one side of this too, so I’d hold it a little loosely before I let it change everything. 💛

So tell me, which one are you really? The confronter, the canceler, or the one who quietly stops bending so far?

Save this for the next time family loyalty gets complicated, and let’s talk about this in the comments. 👇🏽

PSA the story was shared by one of you for educational and reflective purposes only. Not meant to replace advice or treatment from licensed professionals.



08/10/2026

Comment CLEARFORMULA for The CLEAR Formula Book!

Part 2. Did you think the same thing or do you TOTALLY disagree with me?

I’m okay with either! 🙌

Echo chambers and closed loops can be incredibly damaging ESPECIALLY in regards to relationships.

In all fairness, yes the mother-in-law could be checking in but it’s the daughter-in-law venting, frustrated, and building resentment so I’m speaking to her.

No bad guys here, they just need to talk.

We also don’t know what the dynamic was with the MIL and her own daughter when she had her baby 18 years ago.

Perhaps the MIL told her daughter to ask for what you need, so she did, and the MIL delivered?

Also these scripts can 1000% be for the husband.

I was again speaking to the DIL so she’d feel empowered, but by all means pass the talking torch to the hubby and let him be the communicator.

Now tell me, am I so far out of line and out of touch and this really is a mother-in-law problem or do you see what I see and the group of strangers she chose to vent to could have made things worse?

Let’s talk about it 👇🏽

PSA this story was shared for educational and reflective purposes only. There are no villains here, no bad guys, and this is not meant to replace advice or treatment from licensed professionals. Thanks so much for watching!

Address

115 1st Avenue SE
New Prague, MN
56071

Website

, ,

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Mind Your Boundaries posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Contact The School

Send a message to Mind Your Boundaries:

Shortcuts

Share

Category