Nathalie Bonafé's A Gentler Parting

Gentle reminders:

https://www.facebook.com/share/1C63Lykqui/

Such a beautiful story. Animals are our best teachers, if only we prioritized common sense the way they do, a great example of connection between the brain, the heart and the gesture.

https://www.facebook.com/share/14YhfmGJW3Y/

Chimpanzee Was Observed Cleaning the Body of a Dead Group Member With Leaves — Something Never Documented Before
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The camera had been running for six hours before it captured anything.

Field research in Kibale National Park operates on patience the way most things operate on oxygen — without it, nothing works, and with enough of it, occasionally something happens that changes what you thought you understood. Dr. Amara Mensah had positioned the remote camera on a game trail used regularly by a habituated chimpanzee group and had not expected, when she reviewed the footage that evening, to spend the next several hours sitting very still in front of her laptop.

The dead chimpanzee was a mid-ranking adult male the team had called Deni. He had died sometime in the early morning, cause unknown, in a small clearing just off the trail. By the time the camera captured what it captured, he had been dead for several hours.

The female who approached was called Safi.

She had not been documented as having a particular relationship with Deni — no recorded grooming alliance, no consistent proximity in the field notes, no special entry in the behavioral logs that would have predicted what she did next.

She approached carefully, the way chimpanzees approach the dead — with the specific combination of recognition and uncertainty that researchers have documented across multiple study sites, a kind of knowing that coexists with something that looks, from the outside, like disbelief. She circled him once. She touched his shoulder briefly with the back of her hand.

Then she began to clean him.

She selected leaves deliberately — not grabbing at random but choosing, discarding, choosing again, the same fine motor selectivity chimpanzees bring to tool use. She worked slowly and with visible attention, removing debris from his face and shoulders, drawing the leaves carefully along his arms the way you draw a cloth along something you are trying to restore to a state it deserves to be in.

She worked for nineteen minutes.

The research team that reviewed the footage — four primatologists with a combined sixty years of field experience — had documented chimpanzee death rituals before. The touching of bodies. The long vigils. The carrying of infants after death, documented with painful frequency in multiple study populations. They had a framework for chimpanzee grief, built carefully from decades of field data.

The cleaning had no entry in the framework.

It was not grooming in the technical sense — the behavior pattern was different, the purpose legible in a different way. It looked, one researcher wrote in her notes, and then stopped, and then wrote it anyway: it looked like something done for the dead rather than for the living. A preparation. A last tending.

When Safi finished she set the leaves down and sat beside Deni and was still.

She sat for eleven minutes without moving.

The rest of the group moved through the clearing at various points. Some stopped briefly. Most continued. Safi stayed until the light began to shift, and then she stood and moved into the forest without looking back.

The camera ran for three more hours and captured nothing.

Dr. Mensah submitted the footage to two peer review journals simultaneously, something she had not done before. She wrote in her cover letter that she was uncertain how to classify the behavior and was submitting to both because she wanted it in front of as many eyes as quickly as possible.

She said she felt, watching the footage, that it was the kind of thing that shouldn't wait.

I LOVE THAT!!! 👏🏼 If you too agree, drop the line that would show up on your memorial bench!

Mine would read: for Nathalie: who was genuinely kind, until someone crossed her twice in a row! 🤪😁

End-of-Life Doulas complementing Hospice - An evolution is a much needed conversation. Thank you Karnes RN for your leadership. I support such collaborative approach.

That is pretty incredible! What a lucky man! ❤️🙏🏼

What ACTUALLY matters when you're dying? 🤔 #medical #doctor #nurse Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

Please do yourself a favor: name someone who can take over or close your social media accounts when the time comes.
In the span of two days, I received birthday reminders—one for a friend now in memory care, another for a friend we lost two years ago.
As someone who helps people with end-of-life planning, I see how these small details matter. They’re part of leaving things a little softer for those who remain. Digital afterlives deserve more thought.

The Caregiver Crisis touches ALL of us and EVERYONE!!!

“My dad was someone who I idolized,” actor Bradley Cooper explains in the opening frames of “Caregiving.” “I used to dress up like him when I was a kid … To go from that to giving him a bath is quite a traumatic thing.”
Check out this video, "caregiving bradley cooper" https://share.google/nvbff79kbCe4J8kRV

Let's discuss before it matters more. I am starting a new campaign of planning at every age. Contact me for more info. [email protected]. www.agentlerparting.com

Grateful for the opportunity to present today at the American Group Psychotherapy Association annual conference. The theme of this year’s AGPA Connect gathering—“Holding Space for Deeper Connection in Complex Times”—could not be more timely.

My talk explored what it means to hold space for strangers through the models of Death Café conversations and end-of-life doula work—two approaches that invite open dialogue, presence, and community around mortality and humanity.

Today’s experience left me thinking I would welcome more opportunities like this in the future.