The RULER Approach

Parents keep getting pulled into the same screen-time debate about what is good, what is bad, and how much is too much.

But one of the most uncomfortable parts of ’s findings is this: a teen feeling good after heavy tech use does not automatically mean the habit is serving them well over time.

That makes the whole conversation harder. Because now the question is not just “Is this bad?” It is “What is this doing for my teen that keeps becoming the go-to move, and what might it be quietly taking the place of?”

That is a very different parenting conversation.

Full article at the link in bio/stories

We spend a lot of time helping students name what hurt. We spend far less time helping them name what is still strong, still possible, and still theirs to grow.

A student can explain what happened, but still struggle to name what they can practice, what they are good at, or what kind of future they are allowed to imagine. Pain should not be ignored, but pain cannot be the only mirror a student is handed.

Because if every adult conversation keeps returning to what went wrong, even with care, a student may start to believe the wound is the most important thing about them.

From the vault, Dealing with Feeling with .brackett and . Send this to someone who helps students see more than one version of themselves.

Anyone who works in schools knows how fast one moment can follow you home. A student shuts down, a lesson lands wrong, a parent email hits a nerve, and suddenly your mind is not just remembering the moment.

It is assigning meaning to it.

That is why this research stood out to us. The first reappraisal is not always the most effective one. In practice, that matters because adults under pressure often reach for an explanation before they reach for perspective.

For educators and leaders, the shift is not “just think positive.” It is often something more grounded: this did not go how I wanted, I do not know the full story yet, and I can decide what I want to do next.

What adults tell themselves after hard moments does not stay inside them. It shapes how they return to the room.

We’ll be bringing research like this into practice at the YCEI Leadership Symposium. Link in bio.

Research spotlight:

Students need more than warnings about harmful online spaces. They need tools for the feelings those spaces exploit.

Building on .brackett’s new Education Week essay, we think schools have to move past “be careful online.” When “I was just joking” protects harm, when belonging comes at someone else’s dignity, and when shame gets turned into contempt, adults need more than concern. They need language, routines, and the confidence to interrupt the script without turning every moment into a lecture.

Emotional intelligence and digital literacy belong in the same conversation. Read Marc’s full essay in Education Week and bring this conversation into your school community.

https://www.edweek.org/leadership/opinion-a-school-leaders-guide-for-countering-the-manosphere/2026/04

What stands out here is not only the role itself, but what it says about the kind of school culture is choosing to build.

A Feelings Mentor is not there to hover or take over. They are there to be an emotional ally, someone close enough to notice, steady enough to guide, and consistent enough to help students grow before struggle turns into crisis. That kind of support does not happen by accident.

It reflects a deeper belief, one .brackett has helped put language to for years: emotions shape how students learn, connect, decide, and move through the school day.

That is the kind of shift RULER is here to help schools build. Link in bio/stories.

We forget that teachers are feeling the school day too.

If Teacher Appreciation Week only rewards endless calm, we miss the harder human work happening in classrooms every day. Students are not learning from perfect adults. They are learning from adults who can feel pressure, care, concern, frustration, and all the things a school day brings, then pause, name what is real, repair, and keep the room safe enough for students to do the same.

Debra Turner () reminds us that RULER is not just language students use. It is a culture adults live in front of them. helped build the foundation for it, and .brackett and RULER keep asking schools to take this seriously.

How can we support students navigating AI while strengthening authentic connection at school?

Join us, May 13 @ 3 PM ET, for a RULER webinar focused on emotional intelligence, AI use, and keeping human relationships at the center of school communities.

👉 Register on RULER Online. https://ruler.online/login

If you’ve been around schools long enough, you know some thank-you notes are not really about the lesson at all. They are about what a student was living through while the lesson was happening.

Ms. Alicia shared one of those notes, and it opens up a bigger question for Teacher Appreciation Week: what do students actually carry with them when the year is over?

Not only who taught the content, but who made school feel less lonely, who helped them stay connected to themselves, and who made them feel more at home in who they are. .brackett, , and Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence have been asking schools to take that part of teaching seriously, too.

Thank you, Ms. Alicia, for sharing such a beautiful story with us.

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