08/09/2026
"My husband brought his relatives to our country house “for a barbecue” and told me to buy all the food. The party was over before the grill was even lit.
“Five kilos of premium beef!” my husband Pasha announced cheerfully.
He was hurriedly zipping up his windbreaker in the hallway.
“Mom said to get the very best meat for the barbecue. She invited Aunt Raya and her husband to our country house, so make sure you buy marbled beef. We’re going all out!”
I froze in the middle of the hallway, holding a cup of morning cocoa.
The chief analyst inside me, who normally woke up only after the second sip of something strong and hot, snapped to attention immediately. There was a distinct smell of financial fraud in the air.
“Five kilograms of marbled beef?” I repeated in the politely icy tone one usually reserves for phone scammers claiming to be from the bank’s security department.
I carefully set my mug on the cabinet.
“And I suppose your mother also asked me to pick up a couple of kilos of fresh truffles, a snowy owl feather, and a case of vintage nectar collected by virgins on a southern hillside?”
“Well, Edik is buying the drinks,” Pasha replied carelessly, referring to his sister’s husband.
A convenient male ability: hearing only the parts that don’t complicate his worldview.
“And Olya sent you a list of the little things in messenger. Vegetables, cheeses, appetizers. Mom doesn’t want to be embarrassed in front of Aunt Raya. They’re coming from the capital, you know. They’re used to a certain level of service. I’m heading to the building supply market for some paneling. We’ll meet at the country house!”
The front door slammed shut with cheerful finality.
I opened my phone.
A message from my sister-in-law Olya filled the screen in one endless scroll. It looked less like a modest shopping list for a family picnic on a small country plot and more like the backstage rider of a spoiled rock band arriving on tour.
“Lenochka, sweetheart, get some blue cheese—but not the cheap kind, Mom can’t stand it! Capers, large pitted olives, fresh trout for my boys because they don’t really eat heavy meat, ripe Hass avocados. And that beef, the marbled premium Black Angus. Mom said no less than five kilos because Edik has a good appetite. And get Edik some non-alcoholic beer, about ten cans, because the other kind makes him swell up. We’ll settle the money later. We’re family, after all!”
I read the last sentence twice.
Family debt has an amazing quality: it is always declared to be everyone’s responsibility, while the benefits somehow remain strictly individual.
Historically, the phrase “we’ll settle up later” when used by my husband’s relatives meant a charitable donation to the bottomless fund of their stomachs.
The sacred tradition of that family was simple: everyone relaxed, laughed loudly, ate with enormous appetites, and at the end you were ceremonially appointed the event’s general sponsor.
I quickly calculated the cost of Olya’s “little list” in my head.
The total was comparable to the annual budget of a small rural district.
Five kilograms of premium beef, plus trout, imported cheeses, and expensive drinks—it would cost about half my advance salary payment.
I threw on a coat, grabbed the car keys, and headed to the supermarket.
I am a grown, educated woman. I work with numbers. I can plan a budget six months in advance. And I genuinely could not understand why I was expected to finance someone else’s metropolitan pretensions with my salary card.
Cheerful music played throughout the supermarket, encouraging customers to part with their savings lightly and effortlessly.
I confidently pushed my cart past the gleaming dark-wood meat displays, where beautiful steaks with elegant marbling lay against black backgrounds.
Their price tags looked like telephone numbers.
For Pasha and me, I chose two kilograms of excellent fresh pork neck with a neat layer of fat running through it.
Into the cart went ripe tomatoes, crisp bumpy cucumbers, a huge bunch of fragrant cilantro, red Yalta onions, and several sheets of freshly baked lavash.
This was our honest, delicious, understandable dinner—paid for by us.
Then I parked that cart near the checkout area and picked up a second, empty basket.
It was time to assemble the grocery selection for our dear guests—“dear” in every possible sense of the word.
Edik, my sister-in-law’s husband, had always fascinated me from an anthropological perspective.
He possessed the grace and culinary discrimination of a bottom-feeding catfish.
At the country house, he usually settled quietly into the depths of a plastic lounge chair beneath the apple tree and methodically sucked in everything edible that passed within reach, barely blinking.
He made absolutely no distinction between expensive ham and the cheapest third-rate boiled sausage.
For him, the only important criterion was quantity.
Aunt Raya was permanently on one aggressive diet or another, all of which miraculously paused the moment a free family banquet began.
And my mother-in-law, Zinaida Markovna, had an almost physical need to have people fussing around her, serving her, and watching her mouth for instructions—preferably while holding a tray.
The taste of the steak didn’t matter to her.
What mattered was the knowledge that her daughter-in-law had rushed out to buy it the moment she snapped her fingers.
In the harsh economy section, where the lighting was dimmer and the price tags screamed in poisonous yellow, I found exactly what I was looking for.
My eyes landed on the bottom shelf.
There, looking abandoned and lonely, stood several bulging plastic buckets bearing the optimistic label:
“Country House Shashlik. Red Price.”
Through the translucent plastic, I could see tough, sinewy chunks of some animal unknown to science, generously drowned in a cloudy marinade the color of a stagnant autumn puddle.
A few limp onion rings floated sadly among this magnificence.
With deep inner satisfaction, I loaded two buckets into my basket.
Then I added a loaf of the cheapest smoked processed sausage cheese—the legendary kind that smelled overwhelmingly of liquid smoke and was hard enough that, during difficult times, you could probably use it to hammer nails into a fence.
Instead of trout for Olya’s boys, I picked up two packages of “Student” sausages, whose ingredients honestly listed soy and mechanically separated poultry.
Instead of the premium beer Edik supposedly could drink without swelling up, I grabbed a crate of discounted pale beer in large plastic bottles.
And as a final touch, I placed a tin of cheap zucchini caviar on top.
Domestic delicacies, so to speak.
If we were going to celebrate, we might as well celebrate properly.
While I was paying for the two orders separately, my phone chimed.
Olya.
“Lena, are you still at the store? Get some cherries too, but only premium southern ones, nice and large. And pomegranate juice, freshly pressed. Money later, like we agreed!”
I smirked, dropped the phone into my handbag, and headed toward the car.
I arrived at the country house first.
The weather was wonderful. The June sun warmed the fresh young greenery.
After unloading the bags into the summer kitchen, I slowly and lovingly marinated our pork neck.
I sliced onions into rings, crushed them with my hands until they released their juice, poured kefir over everything, and generously added freshly ground black pepper and basil.
Then I covered the glass container with its clip-on lid and hid it securely in the farthest, least visible corner of the refrigerator, concealing it behind pots of yesterday’s side dishes.
The cheap plastic buckets of “Country House” shashlik, meanwhile, I ceremoniously placed right in the middle of the kitchen table.
Around them, I arranged the large plastic beer bottles artistically, laid the rock-hard sausage cheese beside them still wrapped in its factory packaging, and added the packages of sausages.
The untouched tin of zucchini caviar completed the composition...
Continuation just below in the first comment."