04/25/2024
LOVE THIS SO MUCH.
When my mom came to visit . . .
She cooked all of my favorite meals.
She spent hours playing with my kids.
She went to the store and stocked us up on laundry detergent and toilet paper and paper towel.
She took our dog for a walk.
And somehow the house was completely spotless.
My mom always makes it look so . . . easy.
Every single time she visits.
Not only does she do it all, but she does it with so much JOY.
I won’t lie—at first I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Was I missing something? Why couldn’t I take care of my family the way my mom took care of my family?
I think I said something along those lines to her once, out of incredulity and a little bit of envy, when she turned to me and stopped me right there.
This is the difference, she reminded me, between mothering a child, and mothering a mom.
Right now, I’m smack dab in the middle of mothering children. Every day is devoted to caring for them and making sure they are happy and healthy and safe. Every day I get them up, get them dressed, get them fed, get them to school, get them to appointments, get them to activities, get them to do their homework, get them ready for bed. Every day I am responsible for not only their physical needs, but their mental and emotional ones—I help them regulate their feelings, soothe their worries and fears, mediate their disagreements, teach them boundaries, and show them how to interact with the world around them.
On top of all the other things I have to do just to keep our household going.
My mom is done mothering this way.
It’s why she gets to do the fun stuff. It’s why my own kids can get away with things I never would have dreamed of doing. It’s why she can shower them effusively with affection and gifts and overlook all of their quirks and faults and have energy left over to take care of everything else, too.
Because she’s not the one responsible for making sure they eat their vegetables. She doesn’t have to be the disciplinarian. She doesn’t have to clean my house or cook all the meals. She doesn’t have to fulfill every one of my children’s physical and emotional needs every single day.
So when she comes to visit, she does all the things for us.
Joyfully.
Because she remembers so vividly what it was like to be a busy mom to little children and how demanding that could be. She remembers how hard it felt, how long the days were, how exhausting it was. So if she can ease that burden for me even a little bit, she won’t hesitate.
And because, well . . . it’s easier to do it all when you don’t have to do it all, all the time.
But MOST of all, I know it’s because she loves me so very, very much.
And even though she may be done mothering children, now she gets to mother a mom.
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