01/12/2023
The Fear of Gaining Weight
Before even starting a nutrition plan, almost all of my clients have the fear of gaining the weight they haven’t yet lost. Or, more truthfully, the weight they had lost, then regained, and now are trying to lose again – and, boy, do I get it.
I have no idea how many times I was stuck in this cycle. I was a chronic loser, so to speak. Annual diets, with some bi-annual diets the older I got. I lived in “fear of gaining weight.”
I realized the fear was masking other things I wanted MORE than not gaining weight. Fear of losing my favorite foods forever. Fear of being unhappy. Which lead to fear of being fat, and it’s friends… fear of being unlovable, unattractive, and alone. All these fears I knew were untrue in my heart, but in my head… they were TRUE. And loud.
So I diet. Then I tried to add “cheat” foods in to combat diet fatigue. It works for some. For me, it’s permission to eat my happy foods. And happy foods mean ONE thing for me: more happy foods, or a state of thinking about, missing or craving them.
In the past, I’ve deemed sugar-free, low-carb and low-fat foods diet-worthy. Engineered foods that circumvented the rules so I could eat my happy foods that were close-enough to the original. But instead, I obsessed about finding more and better tasting options. My body stopped losing weight, so I exercised more. Which gave me permission to eat what I was craving. I was headed back to the foods that I thought would make me happy because I was really unhappy. I once again experienced the fear of gaining weight and its partner, the shame of gaining weight. I realized that those foods had become my “trigger-happy” foods into another diet ritual: unhappy to numb to gain weight to looking for another diet to lose weight to eating around my feelings with diet foods to unsustainability and then back to unhappy once again. Lather, rinse, repeat.
That’s why my ritual had to change. Nutrition now means feeding all the processes that support the choices that make me happy. Including figuring out what being happy really means to me. The balance I had to create includes networks, relationships, sleep, resiliency, mood, hydration, habits and finally, what nutrition will support me within that balance. I added evaluating that balance along the way. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I’m still evaluating my balance. I became aware of diet-tinkering and started defining and choosing a life that supported more of me, not just my weight. And when I step outside of that balance, I know how to go back to where happy lives, most of the time. I occasionally revisit my trigger-happy foods, but the obsession is muted. Sometimes the old fears visit, but they don’t get invited to dinner anymore. I am forming a new ritual that supports me before I become trigger-happy with food. And I get to help others do that, too, which makes me very happy, indeed.
If you’d like support in finding your new ritual, please reach out or grab a time here: bit.ly/DavisShea. I’d be truly honored to start that conversation with you.
XO
Theresa