08/05/2023
Your thoughts influence your beliefs and your beliefs influence your actions. Let’s talk about our belief systems. I’m not referring to our moral, political, religious, or spiritual beliefs, I am diving into self-perception or what we believe about ourselves.
Our sense of self is developed during our formative years, typically by age seven. Early childhood experiences shape our belief systems; how we view the world, our place in the world, and how we view ourselves. Sometimes we develop beliefs from explicit messaging and other times our beliefs are formed implicitly over time. Core memories, whether traumatic or positive, also shape our belief systems.
During my middle school years, I spent a lot of time hanging out with my neighborhood friends. One day, I found my friends in the backyard with a large fish in a small aquarium, a product from an earlier fishing expedition at the creek. My friends were poking the fish with sticks. I immediately shouted, “STOP, you’re going to drown the fish.” Oops! In my fear, I misspoke. Fish breathe underwater through their gills. Obviously, the fish was not going to drown, but I was concerned the fish would be harmed. My friends laughed at me and called me “stupid” and an “idiot” all summer.
My friends didn’t mean to hurt me, but this experience shaped my belief, “I’m an idiot.” This disaffirming belief drove my choices and actions for years, serving to limit my success and keep me feeling safe.
I am quite accomplished academically and professionally despite my core limiting belief. For many years, I didn’t receive nourishment from my achievements because they were mounted on top of pain.
Our beliefs are rarely truths. What are your disaffirming beliefs? How do these beliefs limit you? Are these beliefs true? If not, what would you like to believe about yourself?
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