09/15/2023
Think of a time you, as an adult, overreacted and lost your sh*t. Here's mine: I'm a horrible cook, but one time I thought it was a great idea to try to make chicken. I spent HOURS on this chicken, checking it constantly, only to find I ruined it. Guys, I. lost.my.f*cking.sh*t. I threw an adult tantrum. I threw the dish towel, knocking things over. "Today is ruined, I cant do ANYTHING RIGHT."
Let me tell you what I DIDN'T need to hear in the moment:
"Well, you should have read the recipe better."
"Clearly you weren't paying attention."
"It's not that big of a deal, you're overreacting."
"Next time you should..."
Here's what I needed to hear, "You're feeling frustrated, you worked hard on that. I get it."
For both adults + kids: when we’re feeling good, the upper areas of our brain are accessible. These parts help us control our bodies, use our words to express our needs + desires, manage our emotions + LEARN. BUT in times of high intensity + upset feelings, those areas of our brain become harder to reach!
✨Mid-tantrum is NOT the time for✨
❌Teaching
❌Negotiating
❌Reasoning
❌Punishing
Tantrums are developmentally NORMAL. The toddler brain is super under construction: specifically the areas responsible for managing emotions, controlling their bodies + communicating. That's why you see them screaming, crying, hitting when upset.🚨
So, during a tantrum, let your calm be contagious. Allow that healthy release.
Then, once the🌪️ has passed (aka when those upper areas of the brain are more accessible), reflect on what happened:
✨ Name the feelings “You were feeling mad that he took your toy. It’s ok to feel mad about that.”
✨ Identify the boundaries “It’s not ok to hurt someone when you feel mad.”
✨ Practice coping skills “Next time you feel mad like that, what can you do instead of hitting?”
✨Want to learn how to discipline in a way that both WORKS and protects your child’s self esteem? Struggling with all things toddler? Our course, Winning the Toddler Stage, is here to help! For people with kids ages 1-6. Link in bio!✨