08/10/2026
Ego is the dirty, snaky cousin of pride.
Full disclosure, it almost got me.
This is a long one, but if you don’t want to make the same mistakes I did..it’s definitely worth the read.
You see, ego is defined as your inner self importance. Often times, it can make you feel as if you are better than others that surround you.
Pride is often defined as a sense of joy for things you have done or things that you love. Often times, it comes from actual effort and success.
I am proud to be a Royce Gracie black belt, but my own ego almost kept me from accomplishing it.
A lot of people know that I got my black belt after training for 12 years. What many people don’t know is that I actually got my brown belt in six years which, although isn’t crazy fast, is still a relatively low timeline compared to a large majority of practitioners. For someone progressing relatively quickly, it’s pretty rare to spend that much time at what many people consider to be one of the belts of brevity between purple and black (usually 1.5-2.5 years). So what happened?
I received my brown belt in June of 2019 from Steve Hall. Three and a half years later, in January of 2023 I would sit down with the same man in his academy where he told me verbatim “you’re not anywhere close to your black belt if you’re going through me.”
Honestly, I was shocked. Really, I thought this meeting was going to be more of a formality. After all, I was a four stripe brown belt that had won several large tournaments, for the past year had pretty much tooled most every hobbyist black belt outside of our team and I had managed to do all of that while working full time and finishing PT school. I even had a guy offer to give me a black belt in 2022 that wasn’t part of my team.
I thought to myself, what the heck, I DESERVE to be a black belt!
Although I was taken aback by this sudden setback in the timeline I had made for myself I beared the embarrassment I held inside and thought to myself that I would just have to remind everyone how deserving I was of the opportunity to achieve this piece of cloth I was essentially idolizing.
For a year, I did exactly that. During that time, Samantha Deaver Heath and I opened our own academy and I did whatever I could I thought would keep showing everyone how deserving I was.
In that year I took a superfight against a stud black belt and former professional MMA fighter (fortunately it went well for me), I obtained a place on the podium in the IBJJF Pans and I didn’t surrender a single point on the local Jiu Jitsu circuit. Every time I was with my teammates, I made sure I rolled well to show them how great I was.
My ego just could not handle being told no.
It all changed in September of 2024.
Three of my teammates were preparing to test for their black belt in October of 2024 and during their last shark tank, all I wanted to ask my black belt teammates was “do you think I’m next after them?”
One of the black belts, not even really addressing me straightforward (he was more focused on preparing our teammate as I should have been) told me out of the side of his mouth “well, you’re here now and the best thing you can do as a teammate is to help these guys like they will help you one day. Honestly, we’re all in it together and it isn’t just about you.”
Fu……dge.
He was right.
Honestly, I was really quick to tell everyone how great the team I was a part of was and I loved the benefits that I got from my teammates knowledge and time but I really wasn’t doing anything to reciprocate that.
I drove home from Charlotte that afternoon feeling like a failure. I knew deep down that I had been letting my teammates down. Especially teammates like my friend, Ben Holder, who was spending every Sunday with me teaching me self defense and working on test preparation material.
My mindset changed. I won’t say it was immediate, but gradually my ego stayed more and more at the door and it was replaced my an enormous sense of pride.
I was proud to be in the room with all of these guys, even if my belt was well-aged brown. I decided that I was more proud to wear a brown belt around these guys than if I wore a black belt anywhere else.
Two of my teammates passed that October and the third of them passed the following spring. Although I was curious, I was finally ready to wait my turn for however long until I got a chance to test for my black belt. At that point, I just wanted to make sure I represented the men I looked up to with honor and respect.
I trained as such. I made a conscious effort to help my teammates more than I asked for help when we were all together. I wasn’t always perfect but I really did try.
Every Sunday, rain or shine, my friend and black belt, Ben, would allot his entire evening helping me improve my technique and grow as a future black belt. During that time, Ben never asked me for anything in return. He selflessly taught me, coached me and guided me in my training. He showed me not only what it meant to be a black belt, but to be a good man which is more important than anything.
In the months leading up to my test, my Charlotte teammates carved out time twice per month after open mat to further refine my technique, my preparation for the test and my mentality of what it takes to have students who look up to you.
Fall of 2025 rolled around and the opportunity to represent my team presented itself. I’m honored not only when I say that I passed, but when I tell you that I think I did my best to represent my teammates with courage and honor.
The Royce Gracie black belt test is a test of unknowns that only those who undergo it have the honor of knowing. A quick Google search will show you that it has a roughly 50% fail rate, that’s a crazy high number considering the minimum time training to qualify for the test is 10 years.
What you’ll never know the statistic of is how many people the test beats before they even take it. Ego and fear eliminate 90% of people who have the opportunity. They simply find another way. The test works before it even starts.
I would like to point out that I am no better than any person who did not have the opportunity to pursue Jiu Jitsu the way that I did. But I do harshly judge those who had the same opportunities as me, ran from it and now condemn me for it.
Cowardice and ego live in the same house, maybe even the same room. We’re all afraid to look inside ourselves because that’s where the real boogeymen live.
In 2026 I’m a better husband, a better father, a better friend, a better coach, a better teammate…the list goes on…than I have ever been.
I’m not better because of my black belt test. I’m better because of the ego that had to die before my black belt test could happen.
I’m proud to be a Royce Gracie black belt but I am absolutely floored with honor to be a part of my team, have the teammates I have and share the mats daily with the greatest students on the planet.
-Josh
