10/29/2020
Anxiety.
In my life, I have learned about Anxiety. And I have learned about Grief. Through these intimate, winding paths of discovery, what it is like to hold the hand of each.
To turn the fear to curiosity. The pushing away to pulling in. The shutting down to listening.
And when not listening, how Anxiety’s yells only intensify until its cries are heard. Like a young child. Aching for attention.
What is the anxiety trying to say?
For me, it is taking care of myself. It is the sign to slow down. Go for a walk. Lean into nature. See something new. It is gentleness with myself. It is not trying to make perfection for all around me. All I love.
My anxiety has taught me. And continues to teach. When it visits, the visits are much shorter.
I have learned. I look at Anxiety through a different lens.
I hear the knock. There it is. It is a very specific knock. Many times, I hear the quiet, sure footsteps before the knock.
I now say… well, welcome, my old friend.
I knew you would come again. Come in. I will listen to you. Hold your hand. It has been some time. What can I do for you? Would you like a cup of tea? Sit with me. In my presence.
And then I will send you off. Anxiety on its way.
No sadness. For I know, I will see you again. Rest assured. You are trustworthy and consistent. You will come again.
And then you will go.
You are a relationship that actually helps me grow.
Not everyone has Anxiety. I do. And this relationship helps me in what I am here to do. My life’s work with others.
I am actually grateful for my anxiety.
It has taken time to say this. And I am grateful for my anxiety. It is my own tool. And part of me. An important part of me. I have respect for my ~
Anxiety.
“Oh do you have the time to linger for just a little while out of your busy and very important day… It could mean something. It could mean everything. You must change your life.” -Mary Oliver excerpt “The Invitation”
-loving