03/01/2019
For our 7th post! Please meet Julian Theseira!! From Class of 2014 :)
" What is a current project that is occupying your mind?:
A personal project that I am working on is to recover from depression, or at least to learn to manage it and live with it in a healthier manner. I have been battling depression for about three years and counting after a personal trauma, and have lived through several severe major depressive episodes during this time. My favorite literary image of the experience of depression is the wizarding prison of Azkaban from the Harry Potter universe, where inmates are surrounded by dark Dementors who make them constantly relive their worst and most painful memories and experiences. To continue the Harry Potter metaphor, I imagine my project to be the equivalent of trying to learn and master the Patronus charm, one of the most difficult charms, so that I can get out of Azkaban, and keep the Dementors away, or at least at a safe distance from me.
My ongoing journey of recovery and healing has been a learning and growing experience. I have learned a lot about myself and human nature, made friends who stand between me and the edge of the precipice, met people who shone light into my darkness, grown more sensitive, compassionate, empathetic, and mindful than I was before, became more appreciative of small daily moments of light such as the singing of birds at dawn, and also increased my knowledge of mental illness, healthcare systems, and health policies. I have learned that I am stronger, more resilient, and braver than I ever thought was possible. Since I experienced trauma and fell into depression, besides enduring pain and fighting daily battles against the Dementors, I have also graduated from a Master's program in International History at a reputable school of international affairs, gained initial professional experiences with international organizations in Geneva, Switzerland, and jointly authored a chapter in a research publication for a major international Swiss bank. My desire to use my skills to positively impact the world remains strong despite my ongoing struggle with depression. I also learned that I apparently have the same Myers-Brigg personality type as Aragon, Galadriel, and Jon Snow (which is a pretty awesome combo). I draw strength from the knowledge that not all those who wander are lost, and I hope that someday the equivalent of my years wandering around Eriador will end and I will come into my own.
I recently moved back to Malaysia to be closer to family and old friends as I continue my journey, and also to gain access to more affordable healthcare. I have been gradually reconnecting with Malaysian Freemans, and hope to connect with other Freemans in Southeast Asia as well to learn more about the amazing and inspiring things that they are doing. I aim to find ways to contribute positively to Malaysia and Southeast Asia and the wider world. At the moment, I am doing some work for a Malaysian social enterprise that is an external partner of several United Nations agencies in Malaysia. I am still exploring opportunities that will allow me to maximize my positive impact in the world to the best of my abilities and hope to find something fitting soon.
What kind of Wesleyan experiences has shaped you to be who you are now?:
FASA became a family for me over the course of my time at Wesleyan. Like any family, we had our dramas and arguments sometimes, however like a family we were also there for each other when it mattered and we also shared many joyful, beautiful, and fun moments together. Many people I knew through FASA have been important sources of encouragement, inspiration, help, and support as I battled depression and worked to rediscover a sense of meaning, purpose, and direction for my life. I am especially thankful to those members of my FASA family who were there for me during my darkest and most painful moments, and who continue to encourage me as I continue on the journey of healing and recovery. I have also always been generous towards FASA and if underclassmen and women ever want to reach out to me please don’t hesitate to do so.
I was a CSS major at Wesleyan with a focus on history. CSS helped to stimulate my ongoing interest in human systems such as our forms of socio-economic, political, and business organization, and I am increasingly trying to understand how these systems shape and are shaped by environmental changes and transformative technologies and how humans can positively influence these trajectories. CSS was also an important community for me at Wesleyan and some of my CSS friends continue to be important sources of support and encouragement for me. History meanwhile is a discipline that is still helping me to grow in empathy and resilience, as I continue to learn about the traumas of the past, as well as about how human beings have found the strength and resources to endure tragedies and to rebuild after catastrophes.
While I was writing my Wesleyan thesis, my thesis advisor encouraged me to open my inner windows to allow the different parts of myself and my heritage to enrich my work. She is also the only professor who has ever told me not to be ashamed to be a person of faith in the academy because my faith is a source of moral courage, which is something the academy needs to be able to faithfully pursue its vocation of truth-seeking. Thanks to my advisor I learned the value of authenticity in my work and my relationships and to be courageous in seeking truth. My Wesleyan thesis is still the most fulfilling and successful intellectual project that I have worked on. I have since presented it at several academic conferences and adapted a chapter into a journal article. Through the thesis journey, I formed a profound bond with my advisor and we maintain a fruitful teacher-student relationship which is enriched by beautiful correspondence that is helping me to weather the ongoing storms of life.
Advise for FASA babies?:
I would repeat the advice I gave on the AAA House lawn five years ago to not procrastinate on life. Back then as I was preparing to graduate from Wesleyan, I spoke about how exams, papers, and deadlines come and go, but one might never get another chance to show up for a friend’s performance or research presentation, or support a friend who is going through a hard time, or simply spend a happy or beautiful moment with someone one cares about. Invest time and energy in relationships, because strong and healthy relationships are essential for long-term human wellbeing. My recent struggles have furthermore made me even more aware of the inherent fragility and transience of life. Since the present moment is really all we ever have, I think that it is all the more important to make the most of it and find the right balance between reflecting on the past, planning for the future, and living in the present.
I would also advise FASA babies to be kind and to practice kindness. We have an impact on every person we meet, and we have the power to determine if that impact is beneficial or harmful. Kindness can also help to soothe the pain we encounter in others or in our own lives. In my own life, I have experienced how kindness I gave to others which seemed small and insignificant turned out to be seeds that are now growing and surprisingly even bearing fruits that sustain me and others in this longest and darkest winter of my life. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, but I do believe that if we are all more mindful of our words and actions, and practice and choose kindness, the world will be a better place.
Please also support FASA. Serve on the exco if you can. I am thankful that I was allowed to serve two terms on the FASA exco and they were some of my most rewarding experiences at Wesleyan. I made many mistakes, but I also learned a lot from my fellow exco members. Your time on the FASA exco will be worth it. Showing up for FASA events is also really helpful. The exco works really hard to put together programs, just being present for them will already mean something.
Finally, I would advise FASA babies to keep fighting till the end when victory will crown everyone, in line with the spirit of Wesleyan. While there are still people being left behind, injustice, and suffering in the world, it is still not yet the end so we should keep fighting to make a world where everyone can enjoy the rewards of victory. Learn and grow as much as you can at Wesleyan, then go out and make the world a better place, whether it is by making money and donating it to good causes (as the Freeman family did), research, law, policy, advocacy, healing the sick and suffering, building technologies and other products that solve problems, creating movies, music, art, or books that express truths about life and the world, helping others to fulfill their potential through teaching or counselling, or via some other path that you all will find and build. Go Wes! Go FASA! "