Escape the Toxic Co-Parent Trap

Escape the Toxic Co-Parent Trap https://lifebalanceholistics.com/p/parallel-parenting-with-a-toxic-ex-guide

Enroll in this online course if you are a parent experiencing a difficult break-up and a challenging transition into a new relationship as co-parents with your ex.

05/30/2025

If you’ve ever been in a conversation with someone who, in the face of clear wrongdoing, denied everything; counterattacked instead of showing contrition; or played the victim and cast you as the real offender, you might have just been mugged by DARVO, Arthur C. Brooks writes. https://theatln.tc/HOXN17nv

🎨: Jan Buchczik

01/14/2025

Are you familiar with the “Let Them” theory? I’ll tell you friends the more I grow the more I am okay with accepting the “Let Them” in my own life and relationships.

This is something that took me a very long time to learn. I used to tolerate a lot because I didn't want to lose people. But I learned the hard way if they were really my people they would never treat me like that. Don't make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving that you overlook the fact that you're being repeatedly disrespected.

Let them be upset.
Let them judge you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them gossip about you,
Let them ignore you.
Let them be "right."
Let them doubt you.
Let them not like you.
Let them not speak to you.
Let them run your name in the ground.
Let them make you out to be the villain.
Whatever it is that people want to say about you, let them!
Kindly step aside and LET THEM.

The hard truth is they know how much they are hurting you. And they just simply don't care. They did it knowing it could cause them to lose you. And they did it anyway. People that love you care about how they make you feel. The end. Let them go.

There will be people that would rather lose you than be honest about what they've done to you. Let them go.

The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of acountability was the closure. The lack of honestly was the closure. Let them go.

Make the decision to no longer sit at tables where you might be the topic when you get up. Let them go.

You can still be kind. You can even still love them deeply. But do it from the distance they created in their words and actions. Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Let them go.

You don’t need to tell your side of the story. God already knows. Let God fight the battle for you. Let them go.

It’s taken me a long time to get here. Sleepless nights, countless tears, managing a range of emotions filled with anger, disappointment, confusion and deep hurt. Lots of self reflection, self preservation, deep prayer and seeking wisdom from those much wiser than me.

If you are struggling with this please know you are not alone. We will never understand why hurt people hurt people. But we can do the hard work to grow ourselves. Because healed people do in fact heal people.

Don’t you dare let them steal your joy.
Don’t you dare let them steal your light.
Don’t you dare let them steal your peace.
You are in control of that.

Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.

Let them go.

Written by : Dawn Hampton.

11/30/2024

Release yourself.

People often think that after relationships where they were mistreated that it's a guarantee that the person who mistreated them will one day not only regret mistreating them but will want to try to get them back. This does happen sometimes but it's not guaranteed. Don't tie yourself to the hope that you'll be missed and pined for. Put effort into doing your best to heal and move on.

And it’s so especially hard on children of divorce when one household has low character traits and supports the candidat...
11/06/2024

And it’s so especially hard on children of divorce when one household has low character traits and supports the candidates that behave just like they did during the separation period and divorce trial.

The parent that fueled post separation hostility and engaged in legal abuse effectively set things up for co-parenting failure.

They then rolled naturally into a toxic co-parenting dynamic, while the fair minded parent, that has integrity, is painted as weak, stupid and unworthy.

The kids are emotionally damaged by this and end up filtering everything they say in both households.

The normal educational conversations can’t take place when the children are afraid of asking questions and have been told by one parent the other makes bad decisions, chooses poorly and isn’t trustworthy… when they are actually the opposite of those things.

The child feels and experiences the high integrity of the healthy parents household which runs counter to what the immature parent is implying subtly day after day about that parent and their household members.

This creates turmoil inside the child and threatens their development of healthy self-trust.

This makes it very difficult for them to have anything other than superficial relationships and shallow conversations that are safe.

The parent that undermines their children in this way, cripples them and blocks them from becoming a whole and well-rounded human being that can participate fully in a very intense cultural marketplace.

@ Escape the Toxic Co-Parent Trap
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* anyone that has dealt with an impossible ex in their coparenting situation, can see the parallels between this election and a custody battle that ends in the damaged, hostile, ruthless, lying, cheating, parent, ending up with final decision making power and more parenting time.

11/04/2024

I am tempted to just indulge in some easy and arrogant secondhand embarrassment for anybody that’s “undecided” at this point except for the fact that it’s actually an appallingly sad and even frightening situation that so many people find themselves experiencing with their peers and spouses over this election.

So many have gotten themselves backed into a corner having created community and a sense of belonging with people that is solely based upon a shared experience of this crazy circus of tRump’dum, tailgate parties and water cooler in-group sharing that resembles the time when intense Game of Thrones camaraderie was a thing.

And now their sense of belonging is so deeply entrenched in continuing to appear to be a Trump supporter they can’t admit to anything but staying the course, at least in outward appearances.

And even worse, women are afraid of their husbands reaction and of their children being treated as outcast in their social circle.

They don’t dare say they aren’t actually undecided about whether they’re voting for one candidate or the other, they are undecided about (a) not voting at all or (b)voting for Harris

Something they don’t feel safe saying out loud so when asked they may say undecided 🤷🏼‍♀️ because that is a safe and truthful answer.

It’s such shame people feel stuck with, pressured and beholden to folks with which they don’t share basic core values.

This just proves we still have a long way to go. We aren’t as evolved as we like to think we are.

We can’t afford any back sliding or one step forward and two steps back nonsense.

The “undecided” may vote for Harris, but their fear of loss is keeping them in a space of socially maintaining the double-down on supporting Trump.

And to quote our next president of the United States, “It doesn’t have to be this way.” 

* side bar
I think every divorced parent that dealt with a hostile, over stepping ex that made their break-up a time of toxic raging chaos can remember saying the same thing many times over during the divorce and custody process.

“Such a waste”
“totally unnecessary”
“not forward thinking”
“lacking in value”
“why are they doing and saying these things when it isn’t serving any good purpose?”

Breaking up with a toxic person is very hard to do and there is often loss and struggle for a while until it finally gets better. Let’s break up with toxic tRump once and for all.

Let’s move FORWARD!

@ Escape the Toxic Co-Parent Trap
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This is the power our parents and people of authority have with their words. This is what the effects of actual gaslight...
11/01/2024

This is the power our parents and people of authority have with their words.

This is what the effects of actual gaslighting look like, not the thing that the toxic ex accuses you of doing, when you’re not.

And when they accuse you of gaslighting and you look at what they’re submitting as an example of gaslighting and it doesn’t fit the definition at all.

Most family court involved professionals can properly identify gaslighting these days so be sure to bring examples of what they are referring to as gaslighting because only the toxic parent uses the term at all and improperly. It helps the court see through the smoke and identify the problem parent.

This video is a prime example of someone that was raised with a gaslighter.

The toxic ex is easily identified by their overuse of this term and the fact that they misuse it and apply it incorrectly.

@ Escape the Toxic Co-Parent Trap
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