06/30/2023
☀️ Holding space is just that -- allowing what's beneath the surface to come into the light. To look at it for what it is -- to name it, process it, and release it.
☀️Children's behavior is an attempt to express and process all that is going on beneath the surface. To act on root needs, emotions, and impulses.
💫 Knowing what is beneath the behavior can help us have more empathy for our children's behavior -- when they have a meltdown we know it is them trying to express all of those feelings underneath. So, instead of trying to "control" that "behavior", we can empathize with their emotions and their needs.
💫 We can also set limits on the behavior while ALSO holding space for what is underneath the behavior.
Here is an example of what you might say to a child who is angry and lashing out (of course with pauses to hear what your child says to you):
"It is not okay to hit; I will help you stop hitting. When you hold your fists like that and scream it looks like you feel angry. Is that how you feel? It is okay to feel angry. Tell me how you feel."
The amazing thing is that when you start to accept the emotion (and you stop trying to change or avoid it) you are giving them two things:
🌀 A way to define and express what they feel.
🌀 Acknowledgment of how they feel.
When children truly feel that acceptance, the need for some of these behavioral expressions starts to dissipate. With time and consistency, flexible emotion regulation skills develop.
I go into much more detail about this (with real-world examples) here -- >>> https://nurtureandthriveblog.com/emotion-regulation.../
Photo credit: https://www.facebook.com/nurtureandthriveblog
GenMindful.com | Raising An Emotionally Healthy World
