Luqman Institute

Luqman Institute

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Easy Diet And Health
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Our mission is to develop parent training programs for Muslim parents of strong-willed children. We

07/05/2022

Raise children you will like when they're adults.

06/15/2022

"The child must be habituated not to spit, blow his nose, or yawn in public. He must not turn his back to people. He must not rest one foot upon the other, or his chin in his hands, or support his head upon his forearm, as all these are signs of laziness. He should be taught how to sit properly. He should be stopped from talking excessively, with the explanation that it indicates shamelessness and is the behaviour of naughty children. He should not be allowed to make oaths, whether true or false, so that this does not become a habit while young. He should be taught not to initiate conversation when in company of those older than him, to get in the habit of not talking except in reply to a question, to keep his answer appropriate to the query, and to listen attentively when they speak. He should stand for one who is above him, make space for him, and sit in front of him."
Translated from Imam al-Ghazali’s Ihya `Ulum al-Deen

06/14/2022

"If the child is neglected in his infancy, he will most likely turn out bad-mannered, lying, envious, thieving, tale-telling, lazy, idle in word and deed, frivolous and crafty. He can be saved from all of that by good upbringing." Imam al-Ghazali’s Ihya `Ulum al-Deen

06/08/2022
To Rebuild 'The Collapse Of Parenting,' It's Going To Be A Challenge 12/12/2021

https://www.npr.org/2016/01/31/465022651/to-rebuild-the-collapse-of-parenting-its-going-to-be-a-challenge?utm_campaign=storyshare&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&fbclid=IwAR0est0V4KM6vgEz7B5pLfgIjgAzND4MmWoFJXhvAsiCu05K4Hql561uR6Y

To Rebuild 'The Collapse Of Parenting,' It's Going To Be A Challenge Parents struggle with the balance of being a friend versus being a taskmaster. Their job, says Dr. Leonard Sax, is to "keep your child safe" and "give kids choices in some domains but not in others."

03/23/2021

“In our secular society, school has become the replacement for church, and like church it requires that its teachings must be taken on faith.”
― John Taylor Gatto

03/18/2021

"First of all, I think parents need to show their kids a vision. You have to have a plan or a purpose for being alive and getting up in the morning. It cannot be just to have a good meal, or fun, or a good experience, or get an A on the test. Your life's part of an arc, and each piece is part of a whole. They're not just disparate elements. One of the easiest ways to teach that is through the nonstop reading of biographies. Biographies let you see how decisions at each point affect not only the future, but they affect the way, looking back, you see your past. I don't think it would take too many of those, before somebody saw their own life as a coherent story that they're writing themselves. Then they can't ever say that somebody else wrote a bad story and they got a bum deal."-John Taylor Gatto

03/14/2021

On the guilt that parents may sometimes feel.

Single Parent Guilt, Seth .Godin’s Egg
JULY 10, 2009 BY D. A. WOLF

If you’re a parent, then you feel guilty.

About something.

Especially if you’re a single parent.

So, can anything good come of parental guilt? Is guilt telling me something I need to hear? Should I kick it to the curb and be done with it?

When I yell, I feel guilty. Okay. Legitimate.
When I have to say no to an opportunity, I feel guilty. Understandable.
When I glance around our tiny home, remembering where we lived before, I feel guilty. This is understandable, too – but unreasonable.
On the downhill slide into guilt, selective memory is our guilt-enabler. We compare a challenging situation to warm memories of our own childhoods or to pre-divorce days of two parents with two incomes. But those comparisons are distorted. They’re apples to oranges.

Single parenting is difficult.
Do I really think I haven’t done right by my sons?

No. I’ve done the best I could. Single parenting is more difficult than I could have imagined – by virtue of logistics (one parent to manage two kids), finances (never enough money), fatigue (work, kids, rarely a moment to oneself), and emotional isolation (no “partner” to share the headaches, the decisions, or the joys).

Did I set out to be a single parent?

Hardly. Like most people, I expected my marriage would be solid and parenting would be a partnership. But life intervenes, and we do our best. There’s that phrase again – we do our best.

This is true for all parents, single or married, isn’t it?

So why the single parent guilt?
Why do so many single parents feel so guilty, so often?

We get stuck in “if only.”

If only I could have done something differently, so the marriage would’ve worked.
If only I could have given my children the stability of our old home and neighborhood.
If only I had thought to include X, Y, or Z in the support agreement.
If only I had a better attorney.
It’s normal to want everything for our children, but it’s unhelpful to believe that our efforts are never enough or to assume all the responsibility for a scenario that involves two parties.

You may tell me that all parents feel this way – as though they aren’t doing enough or giving enough. I would agree. But single parents who have divorced may carry a heavier load, not only because the family unit is no longer intact, but because finances and logistics strain every resource needed to parent well.

The result, at times, may not be a pretty one.

Mother to mother comparisons
I remember my mother ensuring every possible educational opportunity, no matter what. However, I grew up in a college town and a cultural center. Access to activities or classes was easy, and could be accommodated on foot or by bus.

Those were different days: the family doctor made house calls, a child could walk miles to a lesson without concern, there were no endless carpool lines.

I also recall (a healthy) dinner on the table each night, rowdy road trips to spend holidays with grandparents and cousins, and other events that have made for entertaining stories passed on to my children.

My mother was far from an ideal example of a loving parent, and my father, who was frequently not home (as was often the case in that era), left a mark by virtue of his absence.

Yet the routine, the stability, the security all served to ground me in a sense of belonging. I credit my mother with that – despite the issues we had.

New parenting realities
When I was growing up, women stayed home, men provided income, a network of other mothers was available to assist, activities were accessible, and divorce was much less common. My parents were married for 30 years.

That was a time when raising children was considered a valuable full-time job.

Mothers also gave birth in their twenties. I gave birth a full ten years older than my mother, and while having babies may not have been an issue, raising them – especially in these times – is another matter entirely.

Netting things out, it’s a whole other world. Wanting the best for our children is natural, but most of us can’t possibly provide it as we envisage it, certainly not on our own unless we have resources to assist – physically, logistically, emotionally, and financially.

Good guilt, bad guilt
So is this parental guilt of any purpose whatsoever? Is there good guilt as well as bad?

Most of the mothers I know feel guilty: not enough time (if they’re working parents outside the home), not enough money (for lessons, clothes, camps, travel, schools), not enough of themselves – particularly if they’re single moms or older moms.

Good guilt? It’s a legitimate notion if guilt arises because you’ve been out every night and your teen needs to talk. Then, guilt is an emotion that serves a purpose. Good guilt is a warning flag that nags at our sensibilities until we change behavior.

Bad guilt? What about taking one night a week for yourself if you can afford it? What about a weekly date or evening class? What if you take a small amount of time to be alone, which for some of us is a rarity?

If you feel guilty about that, I get it – but stop! Bad guilt is a bad call; it’s pointless time in the penalty box. Let’s admit that raising kids is stressful and exhausting. You need a “you.” A calmer or happier or simply saner you – to share with your children, and naturally, for yourself.

03/01/2021

One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun. - Jane Goodall

02/22/2021

From the time a child is born you have approximately 936 weeks until they graduate.

02/16/2021

"To be a parent is to be chief designer of a product more advanced than any technology and more interesting than the greatest work of art." Alain de Botton"

02/11/2021

“A good father is a source of inspiration and self-restraint. A good mother is the root of kindness and humbleness.”– Dr T.P.Chia

02/09/2021

“I was a wonderful parent before I had children.”
― Adele Faber, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

02/04/2021

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” James Baldwin

01/28/2021

From a "Today's Parents" article (May 11, 2020) on cellphones: "With such a well-funded and successful campaign to capture our attention, how can our kids compete? They try. Brandon McDaniel, assistant professor in Human Development and Family Science at Illinois State University, has studied “technoference,” as he has dubbed it, since 2012. In a recent study published in Pediatric Research, he observed that the more parents were distracted by tech, the more kids acted out. But it didn’t stop there; it became a cycle. As kids acted out, parents became stressed, and when parents were stressed, they turned to technology, which, of course, only led to more acting out. He empathizes with parents who are just responding to pressure in our hyper-connected world, but he feels it is important to sound the alarm: “We are allowing tech to interfere with our relationships, and that feeds back into how our children are doing.” Don’t I know it: My kids get louder, get closer, grab my chin and suddenly, I pay attention—but usually it is only to ask them to settle down."

01/27/2021

Becoming Executive Direcctor with Malik Shaw

01/26/2021

Excerpt from an interview with Seth Godin.
Q: As parents, we know that “because I said so” is not a good answer. So why do we sometimes default to that?
Godin: I think it’s a fine shorthand in situations where authority is required (for example, with a toddler in the middle of a busy street). I’m not arguing for a long, reasoned explanation at all times. I’m pointing out that leadership and authority aren’t the same thing, and leadership goes much further than authority does.

01/22/2021

There are 4 types of parenting styles: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive and Neglectful. At the start of the new year, parents should ask themselves which one are you currently, and which one do you desire to be.

01/21/2021

Helicopter parenting has created fragile children in a anti-fragile world.

01/19/2021

Parents control things, not children.

01/15/2021

One of the signs of the approaching of the Hour is that the "slave girl will give birth to her master." Many scholars have said this means that children will rule over their parents. Luqman institute is here to equip parents with tools to keep them from enslavement.

01/11/2021

"To show you the blessings of having children and being a parent, we should remember Prophet Ibrahim and Zakariyya (AS) made dua to be parents even at an old age." - Sheikh Gyasi McKinzie

Photos from Adrian Ashir Kirk's post 01/11/2021
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