Sandra Jarvis Coaching

01/03/2026

I’ve been a little quiet around here.
Not gone—just un-becoming.
Turns out, disappearing for a few years to question everything you were ever taught changes a person.
Who knew.
For a long time, I wasn’t sure how to show up again after leaving religion. Not because I didn’t have something to say, but because I needed to live it first. Question it. Untangle it. Trust myself again.
Over the past few years, my work has changed because I changed.
It’s quieter. Deeper. More honest.
And finally, it feels like mine.
I just launched my new website, and it reflects the work I do now—supporting women who are navigating life after religion, questioning the rules, and rebuilding from a place of self-trust instead of fear.
If you’ve ever wondered, “Wait…was all of this optional?” or  “What the hell is happening to me?”...
You might feel at home there.
Link in bio (sandrajarviscoaching.com)

01/13/2025

It's back! Master Your Inner Mean Girl, the podcast, is making it's debut on February 1. I'll be kicking it off with a challenge to help you recognize your own inner mean girl so you can cultivate self-compassion, embrace your emotions, and live a more empowered life. Mark your calendar! Tell your friends! And tune in on February 1!

“I hate my inner mean girl,” Jamie told me in one of her first coaching sessions. “I just want to get rid of that part of me so I never have to deal with her negativity again!”

Can you relate? I know I can!

Everyone has an inner mean girl (or boy), even if they haven’t consciously identified it. It’s also called the inner critic or the judge—and it can wreak havoc on even the most conscious and aware individuals out there. That’s because your inner mean girl thrives in your sub-conscious and is part of your built in defense mechanism. (In other words, it’s just your brain, trying to keep you safe!)

But in today’s world, we aren’t in real danger all that often so our inner mean girls tend to focus on things that don’t really matter.

You’ll probably recognize at least a few of these self-critical inner mean girl sentiments:

*You are so fat. Why didn’t you wear something more flattering?
*You don’t deserve a raise so why even ask?
*Good mothers don’t yell at their kids. You’re failing as a mom.
*You have no idea what you’re doing! You may as well give up.
*You’ve already quit on your New Year’s Resolutions? Wow…just wow.

You may recognize these perceived judgments your inner mean girl likes to dwell on, as well:

*That guy didn’t text you back, did he? You’re just too much.
*Why didn’t your sister call you back yesterday? She probably thinks you’re annoying.
*No one invited you out this weekend. You’re such a loser!
*Why isn’t your mom talking to you? What did you do? Are you in trouble again?
*Why is that guy staring at you? Is there something on your butt?

But did you know that your inner mean girl isn’t just mean to you. She’s mean to anyone who might threaten your well being. And that means, she will judge and compare you to everything you come in contact with in an effort to keep you safe.

So…your inner mean girl is responsible for thoughts like these, too:

*She is always top of the class…she thinks she is so smart.
*Why does he always cause problems?
*Can’t that lady control her kid?
*There must be something wrong with him since he can’t seem to get a good job.
*Her house is always so dirty. I could never live like that!

Your inner mean girl is all about judgment!

Whether you are judging yourself, judging other people, or judging the judgments of others, your inner mean girl is at the root of it all. And judgment is at the root of human suffering. It’s the reason you feel so miserable!

Listen, you have about 60,000 thoughts every day, and 75% of them come from your inner mean girl. That means you have 45,000 judgmental thoughts a day. Imagine the impact that has on your mental and emotional health! These are the thoughts that lead to increased stress and anxiety, decreased self-esteem, and a general sense of unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life. Over time, these patterns become deeply ingrained in your brain, making it difficult to change your thought patterns and break free from the influence of your inner mean girl.

What does that translate to in everyday speak?

You might feel stuck, unable to move forward, or lack the motivation you need to reach your goals. You might have a hard time getting out of bed and find yourself binging on Netflix or scrolling Instagram in your free time. And you’re probably way more focused on your role as a caregiver to others, rather than taking care of your own needs first. (Where are my people pleasers?)

I get it. I’ve been there, too. In fact, I still struggle with my inner mean girl. However, I’ve learned to recognize the emotions caused by all of that negativity so I can stop the downward spiral before it starts. It’s been life changing for me. What I’ve learned…and what is true for you, too…is that YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE MISERABLE! You have choices about the way you think and feel. And while that may not seem like much, it’s actually a sort of superpower!

Jamie took back her power by befriending her inner mean girl and learning the “SELF” skills: self-love, self-compassion, and self-worth. Today, she’s living life on her terms.

Are you ready to master your inner mean girl, too? If so, tune in to the first episode of Master Your Inner Mean Girl, the podcast, coming February 1, 2025. (That’s right, Karyn, it’s coming back!) We’ll be kicking it off with a challenge to help you recognize your own inner mean girl so you can cultivate self-compassion, embrace your emotions and live a more empowered life.

Get ready for candid conversations and life changing tools. Mark your calendar. Tell your friends. And tune in on February 1!

08/22/2024

Too many women think that if they hate themselves enough, they'll force themselves to change. And while that might make sense to someone out there, the truth is we're never motivated to change the things we hate. In fact, we tend to ignore them or punish them, instead.

Want to know my secret for releasing self-hatred and embracing radical self-love? Check out today's post on the blog.

https://www.sandrajarviscoaching.com/blog/hate-yourself-to-change

08/21/2024

All right ladies...it's time to have a relationship with your pizza! Look, I'm all for good health--and if pizza is not in your diet because you want to feel good, then I support that! But let's stop basing our worth on our body size! You are beautiful...exactly as you are! Period.

End of rant.

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08/21/2024

Are you a procrastinator, too? I do my best work at the last minute...but it's something I'm determined to change.

The truth is, procrastination is often a learned response due to trauma...and what has been learned can also be unlearned.

So what are you waiting for? Check out my blog to learn more about how trauma might be the thing that's keeping you from getting organized and getting things done!

Here's the link: https://www.sandrajarviscoaching.com/blog/procrastination-trauma-response

08/20/2024

I love to write. I've spent a fair amount of my time on this earth processing my experiences through the written word. In fact, I've filled more than 50 journals on my healing journey. It's one of the most effective ways I know to separate yourself from trauma so you can heal and move on.

One of the biggest hurdles I faced was being able to write without the fear of judgment from others--and from myself. (Because, let's be honest...I'm my harshest critic!) Wanna know more about how I overcame that fear? Check out this post on the blog.

https://www.sandrajarviscoaching.com/blog/own-your-story

5 tips to help you own and write your story of trauma to triumph.

08/12/2024

I remember the first time I shared the most vulnerable parts of my memoir with someone. I was terrified of what people would think. Would they believe me? Would they criticize me? Or even worse, would they think what happened to me wasn't that big of a deal?

I'd been blogging for years, so sharing my writing didn't feel scary. But sharing some of the deep and profound experiences that shaped who I am was a whole different story--especially since I knew my family wasn't going to be happy about me speaking up.

At the time, I wasn't part of a writing group. I didn't have a "safe" space where I could open up. But I knew I needed to get out of my head and get some feedback on the things I was writing.

Luckily, the woman I opened up to was amazing. She gave me feedback, validated my efforts, encouraged me to keep writing, and even introduced me to a publishing agent. It turned out to be one of the best things I could have done to motivate myself to keep going.

I'll always be grateful for my friend who provided a safe space for me to share. That's not always an easy thing to find! But because of her, I kept on writing and 3 years later, I published my story for the world to see. Thanks Michelle...for being a safe person on my writing journey!

08/07/2024

Imagine a life where emotions are your superpower.

You don't have to fear them.
You don't have to shove them away.
You don't have to ignore them or hide them or pretend like they don't exist.

Instead, you get to embrace them, even celebrate them because of their incredible power.

Just imagine that for a moment...
..because that could be the world you live in today.

Most of us believe that if we allow our emotions to come, they'll overwhelm us and we'll never gain control again. And I get it. I believe that for most of my life.

When I finally took down my emotional walls and allowed myself to feel, everything changed.

Not only did my emotional resilience go through the roof, but processing all of that pent up emotion allowed me to focus on the good in life, instead of spending my energy trying not to let it explode out of me.

Emotions can become your superpower, too. They can turn fear into strength, self-doubt into self-trust, and vulnerability into connection.

So the next time you feel annoyed by emotion, remember: they are not your enemy--they're your allies. Allow them to come and let me know what happens!

07/31/2024

In 2007, I started a blog called Strawberry Lemonade: Sharing the Sweet and Sour of Life. Some of you who've been around a long time might remember it. That was during my extreme depression/bitter and angry phase. My blogs weren't always pretty, but they were always very real!

Today, I came across those old posts and was struck by how vulnerable I was back then. I was reminded of the feelings I had every time I hit publish on a post. I feel sick for hours, just waiting for someone to call me out because of my crazy views.

And yet, that never happened. Most of my posts were really well received and I ended up with a following of over 5000 people.

When I severed my hand in 2014, I shut that blog down and started the Off-hand Inspiration Blog...which eventually morphed into my coaching business. But I have to be honest, I miss my original blog. For some reason, it was a place where I felt 100% free to express myself. And these days, there aren't many places I feel that open.

I just checked, and my old domain, strawberrylemonade.net is available again. Will I buy it? I don't know.

Someone recently told me that going back and trying to recreate things from the past is never a good idea...but it's tempting!

What's something in your past that you wish you could recreate or get back?

07/04/2024

Happy Independence Day!

Water, family, homemade ice cream, and lots of fun are all in the cards for us today. What are you doing to celebrate?

07/04/2024

If you can’t spell boyfriend, you shouldn’t have one!