11/15/2022
THIS IS FROM A PAGE CALLED GROWN AND FLOWN.
Great advice and even MORE important for those of us with dyslexic kiddos headed to college.
I won’t lie... sometimes when I read how some of you support your college kids with care packages, food deliveries, surprise visits across the country, even regularly scheduled phone dates, I become really, deeply jealous and sad.
You see, the day I graduated from high school, my parents completely cut me off —financially and emotionally. They subscribed to the school of thought that once your child was a legal adult, they should be forced out of the nest, whether or not they are ready to leave. “It’s sink or swim,” my dad would say. So shortly after graduation, I got a part-time job and took out a whole bunch of student loans and moved into CAL’s on-campus housing.
Miraculously, I managed to pass all of my classes and get 6 years of college under my belt, including graduate school, on a poor-man’s diet of rice, peanut butter, and coffee. To my utter annoyance, my parents continue to taut the benefits of forced independence because “ta-da, look what you did!” But something else happened they fail to acknowledge: they taught me I couldn’t count on them... for anything.
When I called them crying those first months in college because I was struggling with classes, roommates, paying bills, and navigating this HUGE life transition, I was told “you’re an adult now.” Hint: Turning 18 does not make you an adult. I’m 36 years old with 2 kids, a husband, a job, and a home and I’m pretty sure I’m still not an adult.
So my take away from those very scary, lonely years in college is that it’s okay to give your kids a little safety net. It won’t thwart their independence if you buy them groceries or call to check in on them every once in a while. If ANYTHING, that kind of support is doing a world of good for their mental health. I know it would have for mine. I remember one time studying for an exam in the library during finals week. It was 2AM. I started packing up my bag and checked my phone to see if I had any missed calls or texts. There was nothing. No phone call. No email. No motivational, “You got this, kiddo!” Nothing.
And let me tell you those little gestures would have meant everything to that tired college kid. It’s just the push I would have needed—or heck, the push we all need— to put in an extra hour of studying or to have a little more confidence going into a test.
Right now, you are paving the way for a healthy future relationship with your kids—something I did not and do not have with my parents. I just hope all of your kids know how lucky they are to have you!
~Anonymous for Grown and Flown
