TheRealHeatherClay

08/12/2021

More will be revealed… Je vous prie 🏴‍☠️👻❤️🙏🧜🏻‍♀️

08/08/2021

Breathe. In case you forgot ❤️🙏🏴‍☠️🧜🏻‍♀️

08/04/2021

So many big things have occurred in such a short time & this healing process has been such a learning journey. For those of you that know me well, you know the struggles I’ve had with custody battles, my mental health & complex PTSD, my struggle with alcoholism & the long term ripple effects as a victim of domestic violence. Navigating the policies & politics of a broken prison system & rebuilding a life in the times Covid & activated social unrest. I’ve lived through & survived many extremes in my life. My family & closest friends say I’m a “Cockroach”. I just don’t die. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I’ve learned to thrive under extreme pressures. Ive learned to navigate in the midst of psychological warfare. I’ve learned to find the calm in the storm & rise back up from the ashes. I’ve had to find who I am without my attachment to a material world & old belief systems that no longer serve me. I’ve learned to adapt without my physical or mental abilities as Ive known them. And I’ve learned to lean in to pain & grief…So, I got to see my son for the first time in 4 years. It was a full circle of reconciliation & learning that we were always connected the entire time we were apart. I have been praying for him, meditating, dancing & creating art inspired by him. For years now, Ive been breathing into my broken heart & praying for my angels to provide protection & comfort for him. Our connection was so strong that there was a wide open gaping void left behind when he was gone again. So…I danced. I played music. Put my sweats on. Ate ice cream. Watched movies. Stayed in bed & laid low. I painted. Wrote poetry. I cried & laughed at myself & cried again. Soaked in the tub with music & candle light. Did skin care & bundled up in soft clothes. I treated my grief process as if it’s a new relationship I’m building & nurturing within myself. I let it hurt & then I let it go. Like going through a break up but honoring & valuing yourself in the meantime. You see, when you’ve lost everything & you almost lose your life, the value of time spent becomes a greater guiding factor. I’ve made a commitment to making each moment count for good inspired by Love.

08/02/2021

08/02/2021

Lazy Sunday Beach Dayze

07/15/2021

You’re a miracle & you’ve come further than you realize in more ways than you know just yet. It’s all coming.

07/03/2021

Part 2 cont’d… so I went to the ER & the X-ray, blood work & vitals showed to be okay. I have some anemia but not to a concerning level right now. I was told that I’ve been having episodes of panic attacks from the trauma experienced from the accident & injuries. My knee-jerk reaction was that I felt embarrassed & like maybe I’ve been over dramatic. My first instinct is to minimize, stuff down & get into “mind over matter” mode. I mean that’s what I learned to do as a child even training & competing as a top level gymnast. But after I sat with it for a moment, I realized “No. I’ve been through one hell of an ordeal. I barely escaped death & I’m still greatly impacted by a number of conflicting injuries & their limitations & pain not to mention the psycho-emotional aspect of it all. My entire system has been hijacked by this long drawn out experience & I’m still peeling back the layers to uncover it all so I can keep healing. I realize I need to slow down a little more & seek guidance with someone who can help quarterback my care & help prioritize & organize my medical journey. I realize I need to be gentle with myself & honor what’s going on. Thank God for the love & support I have to walk this path along with me. I can’t imagine going through this isolated or alone. I will set my intentions & refocus on baby steps & patience with me & the process. I wish I could be better & back to normal but that’s just not my reality. So here I am back to the lesson I always find myself face to face with & that is “acceptance, humility & patience”. This has recycled throughout my entire life & continues to be a great challenge. I once heard a great quote…
“My level of Serenity is directly equivalent to the level of Acceptance I have around the Uncertainty in my Life”. ~ Can’t Remember
I have to allow myself to be right where I’m at. There is a balance between asserting myself & doing the footwork along with being present with reality & being still enough to soften & embrace truth. I only share these embarrassing & vulnerable stories because I never know who might need to hear them, or who might be challenged with the same or a similar lesson of

07/03/2021

Today was tough. Yesterday was worse. Over the last couple weeks I’ve been having episodes of chest pains, difficulty breathing, nausea, tremors, chills, feeling confused or disoriented, right hand going numb. And then I always have double & blurred vision, migraines, loss of taste & smell & balance issues. When I went to get an MRI yesterday, I was asked to lay face down & put my b***s in these two holes. (We were checking to see if I in fact I have a ruptured implant) so I was laying there looking down & the pain started radiating from the pressure on my sternum, my ribs & abdomen. So, when I was in the accident, my understanding was that I was pinned by the steering wheel & buried by my belongings with flames building in the cab of the car with me. Some of my injuries from impact were…broken sternum, 4 broken ribs, pulmonary lung contusions, ruptured bowel & small intestine. My guess is that the pressure against & causing pain to those injured areas might have triggered a trauma response & I began crying even though I don’t remember anything from the accident until the 2nd or 3rd day in the hospital. Afterward I was super out of it, slightly dizzy, disoriented, confused, off balance & strangely all the sudden desperately dehydrated & needing ice cold beverage. I kept feeling the tingling or pins & needles in my right hand & really cold. I kept getting the chills & couldn’t warm up the rest of the day. The nausea, chest pains & difficulty breathing lasted through the evening & continued to today. When all of this occurred at the imaging place, I began crying out of sadness of what’s happen to me & what’s become of me, as well as fear that comes with the feeling like I’m losing control of my body & my mind. I sensed something was really off. I felt that I needed to see a medical professional right away about it. So I went to my pelvic floor physical therapy instead of cancelling it. My therapist told me she recommends I start with a Neuro PT that works with nerves & the messaging in the brain. As I left I felt I needed to go to the hospital. I woke up this morning & called my Neuro. I was told to get to the closest ER…cont’d Part 2