Diary of a Doula

Diary of a Doula I’m a birth doula and doula mentor located in central Connecticut. Come hang out with me here whil

My name is Melissa Duenas and I am a birth and postpartum Doula. I support parents through pregnancy, labor, birth, postpartum and beyond. I love this work and feel honored to be part of such an amazing journey for so many. I specialize in dealing with those who have perinatal mood disorders, anxiety, or have PTSD (this include spouses). I also work with many military families or those with schedules that may require specialty care.

08/22/2026

So science can’t give us a perfect sibling age gap. But if we’re balancing pregnancy recovery + child development + practical parenting demands, roughly 2.5–4 years between births is a pretty reasonable “sweet spot.”

And, of course, the best spacing for an individual family may look completely different.

Studies:
Zhu BP, Rolfs RT, Nangle BE, Horan JM. Effect of the Interval Between Pregnancies on Perinatal Outcomes. N Engl J Med. 1999;340:589–594. doi:10.1056/NEJM199902253400801. (New England Journal of Medicine⁠)

Dhamrait G, O’Donnell M, Christian H, Pereira G. Is early childhood development impeded by the birth timing of the younger sibling? PLOS ONE. 2022;17:e0268325. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0268325. (PLOS⁠)

Sun X, et al. Patterns and correlates of changes in sibling intimacy and conflict from middle childhood through young adulthood. Developmental Psychology. doi:10.1037/dev0001750. (pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov⁠)

08/21/2026

Happy Birthday to me! This next year around the sun has already shown me just how special and unique it has the possibility of being. 🏠 ❤️ 👩🏻‍💼🤞🏽

08/19/2026

Positive pregnancy test? Here are your first steps:

1. Figure out the first day of your last period
2. Start taking a prenatal vitamin with folic acid
3. Review medications and supplements with your provider or pharmacist, don’t stop prescriptions on your own
4. Schedule your first prenatal appointment
5. Stop alcohol, smoking and recreational drugs
6. Learn the basic pregnancy food and safety recommendations
7. Know which symptoms warrant a call to your provider or urgent evaluation

Take a breath! You don’t have to figure out your entire pregnancy today.

Save this for later or send it to someone who just saw two lines.

08/14/2026

Could an oxytocin boost before pumping help milk flow and improve pumping output? Potentially. 👀

Important distinction: better milk removal ≠ instantly making more milk. Oxytocin helps release milk, while ongoing milk production is largely driven by frequent and effective milk removal.

08/11/2026

This is the tongue tie story I see over and over again…

Baby is seen by the hospital IBCLC before discharge. Nothing is mentioned about oral restrictions.

Then breastfeeding HURTS.

Cracked/bleeding ni***es. Lipstick shaped ni**le after feeds. Poor latch, inefficient feeding and eventually slow weight gain.

Pediatrician: “No tongue tie.”

Mom persists. Pedi sends them to see ear, nose and throat specialist.

ENT: “No tie.”

But the problems continue. Someone recommends an out of hospital IBCLC.

Eventually, an independent IBCLC performs a comprehensive feeding + oral function assessment and identifies signs consistent with restriction.

Parents are understandably confused: “How did multiple professionals say everything was fine?”

Here’s what families often don’t realize:

IBCLC is a credential, not one identical training pathway.

All IBCLCs complete at least 95 hours of lactation education, but clinical requirements vary by pathway: 1,000 hours of clinical practice OR 300 supervised academic clinical hours OR 500 directly supervised mentorship hours.

Some IBCLCs are RNs or other healthcare professionals. Others enter through a different health science pathway.

So “the hospital IBCLC checked” doesn’t tell you that person’s original profession, clinical pathway or depth of experience assessing complex feeding and oral function.

And tongue tie isn’t just about whether you can SEE a frenulum.

Function matters.

Can baby maintain suction? Elevate and lateralize the tongue? Transfer milk effectively? What does mom’s ni**le look like afterward? Is baby gaining? What compensations are happening?

And delay can matter.

A release isn’t a magic fix. Babies who spend weeks or months compensating can develop feeding patterns that don’t immediately disappear after treatment.

Not every painful latch is a tongue tie.
Not every frenulum needs release.

But persistent ni**le trauma, significant pain, poor milk transfer and inadequate weight gain deserve more than “it looks fine.”

They deserve a comprehensive functional assessment and appropriate referral.

There’s a big difference between looking at a tongue and evaluating how

08/08/2026

Was your third birth the wild card?

08/05/2026

Quick rundown of what’s happening with insurance in CT

08/03/2026

Going in with a plan to combat provider differences is so much better than getting stuck feeling frozen when one of your docs disagrees with your plan.

07/27/2026

This is a long standing myth!

Your surgical team isn’t taking organs out and putting them back in one by one.

What you’re hearing is normal surgical communication and much of it is about instruments, anatomy and routine steps, not your organs being removed.

07/27/2026

Have you ever considered waiting to introduce your toddler to the new baby until you’re home?

I know…it’s become almost expected that siblings come to the hospital. But it might not be the magical moment we imagine.

Hospitals are busy. They’re full of people, germs, alarms and constant interruptions. Toddlers are often overwhelmed, tired, ready to run and don’t always understand why they can’t climb on the bed or touch all the equipment. What you pictured as a sweet first meeting can quickly become stressful for everyone.

There’s another reason I encourage families to think about it…

Those first 24–48 hours may be the last time your newest baby has you all to themselves.

No sharing your arms.
No dividing your attention.
No juggling snacks, diapers and sibling needs.
Just you, your partner and your new little person soaking in those first precious moments together.

Then, when you’re home in a familiar, calm environment, your older child can meet their sibling without hospital monitors, visitors or the pressure of making it a “perfect” moment.

There’s no right or wrong choice, many families have beautiful hospital introductions. But if you’ve been feeling torn, know that waiting until home is a wonderful option too.

Sometimes the most meaningful first meeting isn’t the earliest one, it’s the one where everyone can truly be present.

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Manchester, CT
06042

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Tuesday 9am - 8pm
Wednesday 9am - 3pm
Thursday 9am - 8pm
Sunday 9am - 5pm

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