04/20/2026
I used to think I was controlling.
No, you didn’t read that wrong. Self-condemnation was my pastime.
Because that’s what I was being told.
But when I really looked at it…
I wasn’t trying to control everything.
I was trying to hold everything together.
When one person avoids hard conversations…
the other starts pushing.
When one person doesn’t take initiative…
the other starts over-functioning.
When one person shuts down…
the other gets louder trying to be heard.
And then suddenly…
The one carrying the weight gets labeled “too much.”
Here’s what I’ve learned the hard way:
Over-functioning isn’t a personality flaw.
It’s often a response to feeling alone in a partnership.
But the truth is —
the more you carry,
the more the other person leans back.
And the cycle keeps going.
Real partnership isn’t:
One person leading and the other resisting.
It’s:
Two people willing to show up, take responsibility,
and meet each other in the middle.
If you’ve ever been called controlling…
it might be worth asking:
Am I trying to control…
or am I trying to compensate for what’s missing?
There’s a big difference.
And understanding it can change everything.
If you’re navigating this dynamic right now, you’re not alone 🤍
www.bestlifecoaches.org
