Raising Montessori

So many people in my life have said a version of “You are a neuroscientist. You must be so bored being home taking care of a baby.”

This is such a complicated thing to hear. It makes me sad and angry that the work of parenting and caregiving is perceived to be mundane with no value. While work outside the home is seen as valuable real work.

Being with my baby is the most important, challenging and dynamic things I have ever done. It is so valuable, so transformative, so healing and so rewarding. So much of the work is invisible. It’s mental math of sleep patterns, behavior patterns, development, feeding, diapers, laundry, clothes inventory, appointments. It’s managing my emotions, self regulation, holding space. It’s influencing baby’s emotions, attuning to emotional states, predicting emotions, up regulating emotions and down regulating emotions, emotional coaching. Its being in a relationship, being present, being mindful.

Some of us are privileged to have parental leave. Many of us do our job inside the home and outside the home at the same time.

Being with a baby builds the minds of the future. It’s time for our society to understand and recognize the enormity of the work.

Every important and meaningful job is hard. And there are many things that can significantly help families with the early years. We need our role to be respected and revered for its utmost importance, we need parental leave, flexible work, supportive workplaces, access to high quality childcare, access to perinatal professionals, medical professionals educated in infant mental health and normal infant needs, support networks.

Together we can create a Nurture Revolution 💜🧠💜

https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/article/2601/beyond-the-brain-body-split/52b5171b-60db-45df-8d9f-84dd3d67b6d4/oim?utm_source=linkedin&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=pn_magazine_beyond-the-brain-body-split&fbclid=IwAR0Bq2spIZL2nLm3puK9yueA_opP09b07wcTjyIDdNqiVUuToa0W5arv648

Beyond the Brain-Body Split Thinking about behavior only in terms of reinforcement and consequence is outdated. It’s not mind over matter. It’s both. Are new therapists getting that message?

What do you think?

via Bee and Bear

Quick reminder that humans need to feel heard. Just because we think we have the best solution doesn’t mean we have to share it.

Little kids…
Big kids…
Teens…
Young adults…
Older adults…

We all need to feel heard and supported when times are tough. When you learn to ask this question first, you become a better listener.

Give it a try…

It's not particularly helpful for older children, either. Children need us to be the steady and solid post to lean on when they are having a hard time--that gives them the room to feel their own emotions and move through them in a way and at a pace that makes sense to them.

Increase in whining, tantrums, power struggles? Hitting, kicking, resisting? You're just like wtf is ACTUALLY happening?!🌪️

Let's talk bad behaviors. Why is this happening?

Toddler brains are still under construction, so they don't have the ability to say, "Mama, I need you. I'm worried. I'm scared." So instead, they show you through physical displays.

Let's say you're doing dishes when kid 1 hits kid 2. You tell them "no hitting" 200 times until sh*t hits the fan. You turn the water off, march over, pull kid 1 aside, look him/her in the eyes and say, "ENOUGH! I am DONE with your hitting!"

Your kid's DREAM is that when you do dishes, you turn off the water, walk over to him/her and focus completely, and totally on him/her. Even though this was NEGATIVE attention, your kid still got that attention he/she was craving.

Yep! Your kid wants your attention THAT BADLY. So instead of them relying on unwanted behaviors to get it from you, proactively fill up their “attention tank” with POSITIVE attention.

✨THE 10 MINUTE MIRACLE✨

✔️10-mins of focused, intentional, one-on-one time with your toddler

✔️Give this time a “special” name, so it feels different and exciting from the rest of the day ("mama-Lulu time”🌟)

✔️Let your toddler pick the activity

✔️No distractions, no phones, no siblings and no criticizing or correcting - just time to soak up your unconditional love

✔️Done EVERY single day, so they can count on it

✔️Pro-tip: Use a timer for an easier transition, + remind them that they’ll have more special time tomorrow:
✨”I love you and I can’t wait for our special mama-Lulu time tomorrow!”✨

When they know they can count on it daily, they won’t panic as much when it’s over🥂

“Wait, I just spent the WHOLE DAY with this kid!!” OR the opposite, "Parents need to spend more than 10 minutes each day with their kid."

This special time is different. Think of an average day - where we’re constantly shuffling alongside each other all day long. This is focused, special, tank-filling time.

PS this works for spouses too!

✨Struggling with tantrums, power struggles and unwanted behavior? Our course is here to help! For parents of toddlers & preschoolers ages 1-6.✨

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