Tandem Learning

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Tandem Learning

A learning platform for caregivers that centers connection & community.

Tandem Learning supports people in authentically transforming their relationships and reconnecting with their inner compass through collaborative and inclusive online and in-person educational experiences.

09/07/2024

Feelings are not BAD!

So often people come to therapy because they want to stop the feelings they are having. But true relief comes from knowing how to support yourself while you are in the feeling.

The more we avoid what we are feeling the worse we feel. Listening to ourselves and our loved ones and understanding what is being experienced leads to increased connection and less distress.

Check out our courses to learn more.

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06/15/2024

You might have noticed that we have been a little more quiet on social media recently. We have been marketing less, but have been quite busy refining our foundational courses. We, like many of you, have also had a busy start of summer because of our various roles (parents, teachers, etc). So, it has been both “a lot” and we have been more quiet.

When we first started Tandem we were clear that we wanted to create a high quality, meaningful experience for people, while also not wanting to run Tandem out of a place of scarcity, and disregulation. This comes from a place of self care, but perhaps differently than what you expect. We know that in order to have sustained, effective action on these big, complex challenges, there are times when you have to pause.

As humans, we each have different capacities, we just do. And it is western, capitalist, colonization culture that tells us we must “grind” “hustle” for ever and ever, or else…. This is not only inaccurate and unreasonable it is also, extremely dangerous (read, watch or listen about the process of decolonizing via the myriad of amazing resources that exist in the world on this topic from people who are far more expert than us.)

So here we are, practicing what we believe.

Tandem has decided to pause posting on our social media during the summer months in order to make room for more focused & generative time for working on our foundational courses.

We will be taking a social media break from June through August.

In the meantime, please reach out via email if you want to connect or have any questions.

"See" you all in September!

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06/12/2024

Kristen Neff is a leading expert on self-compassion and puts forth the notion that those with more self-compassion can have more compassion for others.

This gets to the heart of the issue of FORGIVENESS. Forgiveness asks us to set aside our hurts, pretend that we will never hurt again, and absolve someone else of what was done.

On the other hand, COMPASSION says that we can have compassion for our own feelings and at the SAME TIME have compassion for that other person, who probably is also suffering in some way.

As she states, we can embrace the “negative feelings” of pain/hurt/upset at what was done and offer ourselves self-compassion, which can then generate empathy and understanding for the paint/hurt/upset of others…

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Possibly even allowing space to find some compassion for that person we were wanting to “forgive.”

Thus I want to invite us to transform our thinking to consider cultivating compassion when we start telling ourselves we “should be more forgiving.” Compassion for ourselves AND for others.

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Consider signing up for our course on Healthy Relationships to learn more about supporting yourself when in relationship!

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06/08/2024

Part 4 Forgiveness Series

We often think that to get out of this “emotional loop” that Dr. Taylor speaks of, we need to “let it go,” however trying to force a feeling to stop is actually what most often KEEPS us in the loop!

So that means that focusing on something like FORGIVENESS actually keeps us in the emotional loop as we try to force feelings away.

Instead, when an emotion arises, such as frustration with something that happened with another person in the past, we can allow ourselves to just feel that feeling.

If we can just “let it be” for those 90 seconds and remind ourselves that it’s just temporary, then it will also dissipate on its own.

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This is what compassion is all about. We can have compassion for the feelings that are arising in us regarding this past situation.

Stay tuned for more on forgiveness and compassion next Thursday and sign up for our newsletter for additional great tips!

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05/25/2024

Part 3 of Forgiveness Series

Mother’s Day was earlier this month, and this can often be a time that feelings arise about our moms or our children -- maybe there is an estranged relationship or one that just hasn’t felt easy for some time.

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Rather than forcing ourselves to try to “forgive and forget,” this can be a good month to consider trying on some compassion instead.

As Kristen Neff states, self-compassion allows us to fill ourselves up so that we can try to be there for others, such as our moms or our kids.

This is a great time to offer some compassion to ourselves for the times we didn’t feel seen, and compassion to our mothers or our children for those times that they didn’t feel seen.

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Check back next week to learn more about compassion and how it is supported by science!

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05/18/2024

Part 2: Forgiveness

Have you heard the phrase, “don’t think about a white elephant”? This somewhat common English phrase points out that it is nearly impossible to try NOT to think about something.

In last Thursday’s post, I invited us to think about moving away from trying NOT to think or feel and towards the idea of “letting things be.”

What does that mean?

Rather than trying to force my upset or hurt away, what if I tended to it? Can I offer myself some kinds words, such as:

“It makes sense that I felt hurt when my father wouldn’t return my calls or messages.”

“Yes, I feel sad when I remember what it was like when my friend blocked me.”

“I get to be angry that I was impacted by a family members’ substance abuse.”

I’d like to offer that this doesn’t mean that we need to continue to be upset/mad/hurt AT this other person, only that we do get to allow our feelings that arise to be present and acknowledged.

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Come back next week for more on what to do about FORGIVING!

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05/11/2024

As much as I love Elsa’s, “Let it Go” song (don’t we all?), I find that trying to WILL myself not to think about something is pretty futile.

However we all often wish for this - I wish I could stop thinking about how my friend/boyfriend/partner/mother hurt me and just FORGIVE them.

I want to talk about this idea of forgiveness this month as it’s been brought up by multiple people that I work with this past week and I know it’s something that tends to weigh on us.

I also want to dig into where this idea comes from. The definition of “forgiveness” is to “STOP FEELING angry or resentful towards someone.”

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Now if you’ve ever tried to stop a feeling you know that’s just as difficult as trying to stop a thought.

This definition also implies that this is a one-time event! So that means if I “let it go” and then it arises again, well then I have failed.

So I would like to invite people to reframe this idea of forgiveness and rather than focusing on “letting go,” what if we could take some advice from The Beatles and “let it be?”

Want to know more? Check back next Thursday for more on this topic of Forgiveness. Also, consider signing up for our newsletter for more great topics like this!

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05/02/2024

Couples often come and say, “I’m not sure we have the same values,” which is actually a great question to explore.

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I will then frequently turn to this great resource by and Andreea Niculescu, which is the “Live Your Values Deck.”

This allows each person to really sift through and pull out what matters most to them and compare and discuss together what their values truly are.

Now and then couples will uncover something in these conversations that is “non-negotiable” such as “kids” or where they want to live, which is useful to know and work through.

However, more often than not, couples find that their values aren’t all that different and they have maybe forgotten what they appreciate about one another.

For example, Romance, Collaboration and Beauty could live very nicely alongside the values of Kindness, Harmony and Fun.

We can appreciate the different values while also holding intentionally to our own values and finding the sweet spots in between.

Whatever comes of the conversation, it can be great to explore your values together as a couple!

Want to learn more? Sign up for our monthly newsletter for more free relationship tips. Link in bio!

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04/25/2024

“Why can’t we just get along?”

I find it curious that in this world in which we must constantly interact with other humans, we don’t even really have a word for “getting along.”

What does “getting along” really mean? Is it making sure everyone feels okay all of the time? That isn’t really possible. Is it finding “peace and harmony?” Maybe… but sometimes we also say that we just need to “agree to disagree.”

How humans interact and what defines social well-being is a complex topic. If you have ever offered a child a treat, only to have them melt-down about it being the wrong color/shape/size and throw it back at you, you know that behavior does NOT always make logical sense.

Even for adults, there are times where we know we must get something done and then we go and do just the opposite, like procrastinating on writing this post by searching online for an electric blanket because I tell myself I’ll write better if I’m not so cold.

Fortunately, recent brain research and decades of information from counselors and therapists can give us some essential insights into the complexities of human behavior that can help us to learn more about what it means to “get along.”

Check out our courses on “Understanding Challenging Behavior” and “Understanding Healthy Relationships” to learn more!

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04/18/2024

Surprised? Authenticity and Vulnerability are not the same!

Authenticity is almost always a good thing to strive for, however vulnerability is sometimes good to save for just the right moments.

Some examples:

💟Vulnerable and not necessarily authentic:

”I just can’t take it anymore, I am so done with this.” [ May be clear that you are upset but not authentic about what you really need. ]

💟Authentic and NOT vulnerable:

“I am struggling, and am not sure if I can go into it right now.”
[ Good for moments when you need to be professional, or when the other person isn’t available to listen further. ]

💟 Authentic AND vulnerable:

“I am really struggling as I just learned that my sister has cancer and I am also worried about it running in the family…”
[ Good for moments when the other person is available to listen ]

It’s good to keep both in mind and strive always for authenticity and decide when and where it’s safe and reasonable to be vulnerable.

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04/16/2024

It’s hard to get along.

It’s so true. And getting along is so important to fulfillment in our relationships and careers.
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We aren't really taught how to get along in school.

This is why we started Tandem Learning.

To provide the tools we have learned from decades of experience working in the education, therapy and library fields.

We wanted this information to be ACCESSIBLE for as many people as possible.

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Louisville, CO
80027

Website

http://tandemlearning.com/

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