The Parental Edge

What you notice grows.
Name the behaviors you want to see more of out loud.

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We parents are driven to teach and explain the logic our intervention when our kids do something wrong.

But kids don’t think like parents. When we explain, all they hear is “You’re wrong, you’re wrong” and so in defense, they don’t listen to a word we say.

So make the correction, stay calm, and teach later.

Calm first. Teaching later.

We can’t expect kids to have the emotional maturity that even adults struggle with.

“Use your words,” is an overused, unhelpful demand we say to kids who are crying or whining.

It’s a reprimand, not a suggestion. Instead, help kids out by giving them the words.

This feels supportive and allows for practice to say what they are feeling when they are in a state that makes this hard to do.

Follow for more parenting shifts that get positive results.

When your child says something sharp or flat-out rude, it’s easy to take it personally. But those prickly moments are rarely about you. They’re a clue.

Still, you don’t just step aside, excuse the behavior, and take the slap. You set the boundary and then move to understand the problem.

You say something like, “That was rude. Take a breath. I wonder why you are so upset.”
Translation: “Find a respectful way to express what you’re feeling. I am here to help.”

The mistake I see parents make is missing the “setting the boundary” part.

Self-regulation is an important element in problem solving.

When kids see that listening is a benefit, not a negative, they’re more likely to say “yes” without the pushback.

It may sound selfish to some. I say, it’s honest. Especially for kids who push back out of habit.
Pointing out the benefits get them to pause and consider rather than battle.

Later, after they listened, you can teach the lessons that parents are supposed to teach.