Virtual Coaching Sales, LLC

My mother tells me that I almost didn’t survive to 13.

Now that I have a 12 year old daughter, I get it.

Twelve is hard.

Heck… everything between 11 and 21 is hard.

As Michael Hauge shared: “No one escapes adolescence without a wound.”

…and despite our best efforts, it’s often the people who love us the most, who wound us the deepest.

I study psychology and brain science for a living.

I teach trauma and how to regulate one’s nervous system.

I understand that my daughter’s brain is awash with hormones that encourage independence, at all costs.

And yet…

I still lose my temper more often than I would like to admit as a mother.

So today I want to talk about TRIGGERS & PATTERNS.

A Trigger is anything that elicits a strong emotional or behavioral, often unconscious, response.

Sometimes triggers are good!

When I was learning self-hyponsis for giving birth, I trained my body to relax in response to the word “Oxford.”

But more often than not, “triggers” refer to an outside circumstance that reactivates past traumatic experiences, to which we respond with an automatic stress response.

Someone who has experienced a traumatic car crash may feel intense anxiety and even have physiological response (like their heart beats fast and they break out into a cold sweat) when they hear tires squeal.

A Pattern is a learned behavior, usually habituated through repetition or reinforcement.

Patterns can be beneficial (like brushing your teeth every day) or “maladaptive” (like resorting to yelling at our kids when they don’t obey us).

_____________________

Patience is a difficult virtue for me, personally.

What’s helped me is understanding that most of the time, my impatience, irritation and anger is a pattern of behavior in response to certain triggers, like “perceived disrespect.”

Once I understood these concepts, I could approach tense situations with Curiosity and Compassion (for myself and the other person!).

Here are some self-reflection questions you (and I!) can use the next time we find ourselves “reacting” in a way that doesn’t feel aligned with how we want to show up in the world:

1) What specific event or situation just occurred that triggered my reaction, and how did my body and emotions respond?

(for example: “When my daughter told me ‘No’ when I asked her to do the dishes, I felt angry and my body got hot.”)

2) What past experiences or memories might be connected to my current reaction, and how did I feel and react during those past experiences?

(“Growing up, whenever I was disobedient or disrespectful, my mother yelled at or threatened me until I acquiesced. I felt angry and helpless.”)

3)What specific maladaptive behavior do I engage in when triggered, and why does it feel important for me to shift these behaviors moving forward?

(“I just repeat the same parenting style I saw modeled: I yell and I threaten until she does the dishes. It’s important for me to shift this moving forward, because I don’t want to pass on trauma to another generation.”)

4) What underlying need or desire might this behavior be fulfilling? Why do you suspect this trigger causes this response? How else could you think about this situation?

(“When I feel out of control, my instinct is to exert control at all costs. Instead I can remember that my goal is not ‘compliance’ but to teach Cora how to honor her desires while honoring authorities, so that she learns how to become a contributing member of her community while maintaining healthy personal boundaries.”)

5) What alternative strategies can I try when I feel triggered or the urge to engage in this behavior? How can I initiate or reinforce positive changes?

(“Pre-emptively, when it’s Chores Day, I can approach my daughter the way I would approach an employee: Explain what needs to be done and the desired timeline. Help her understand the significance of this task in context of the greater mission. Ask her what timeline she feels is reasonable for completion and what support or resources she will need in order to accomplish the activity. I can express positive intentions in advance, appreciation during, and gratitude after completion. Reactively, I can remind myself to breathe slowly until I’m calm before responding. I will allow myself to eat dark chocolate when I successfully navigate a tense situation without losing my temper.”)

I’d love to hear what best practices you use help yourself identify and “defuse” triggers and shift unwanted patterns of behavior.

Big hugs,

Caitlin

The biggest reason you're not getting where you want to be - you're relying too much on willpower.

During this training session with Cat Stancik, the Accountability Expert, we discuss how to conquer any goal:
1. Strategize
2. Simplify
3. Systematize

Be sure to have Cat breakdown your own personal goals by signing up for a complimentary 30 minute session: https://calendly.com/catalyticchange/30mins/

How to Conquer Any Goal with Cat Stancik The biggest reason you're not getting where you want to be - you're relying too much on willpower. During this training session with Cat Stancik, the Account...

“Be the person you want your kids to be when they grow up.” – Unknown

Parenting Sucks.

(sometimes ;))

As an achievement-driven person, it has always annoyed me that being a Mom means giving 100%. The very best we can give is the bare-minimum requirement.

It’s almost impossible to impress anyone with your Mothering skills because we live in a Martha Stewart-Pinterest World where everyone only posts the happiest and most perfect photos of their lives on social media, and so that’s all we have to compare!

Which means that most of the time I’m comparing my No-Good-Really-Awful-Terribly-Bad Day 5% to everyone else’s Picture-Perfect 5%.... and then I wonder why I feel like I’m failing!

But here’s my self reminder:

Our children don’t see PInterest. They are not comparing me to anyone else - they’re comparing themselves to me.

At the end of the day, it’s more important that I BE a person worthy of emulation.

Be kind. Be honest. Be gentle. Show love. Work hard on my dreams. Live with no regrets. Smile. Laugh. Enjoy the moment.

And that last one is probably the hardest for me… I want my children to be happy, but I don’t always allow myself to enjoy the present moment.

And usually, the things that bring me back to the present moment and fill me with love, gratitude and joy are the four munchkins who sometimes brought the chaos and frustration in the first place.

Because sometimes Parenting Sucks, but most of the time, it’s the most rewarding role I have.

>> What “happiness anchors” do you have in your life that bring you back into a joyful and grateful state?

Terri Levine has successfully built and sold 6 businesses in the last 30 years and her latest venture Heartrepreneur.com is her mission to change the world one heart-centered entrepreneur at a time.

Download her "Ultimate Enrollment System" at www.heartrepreneur.com/freegift

Her latest book "Turbocharge: How to Transform your Business as a Heartrepreneur" focuses on differentiating yourself as an Expert by guaranteeing and delivering one key result for your clients!

TurboCharge Your Enrollments with Terri Levine Terri Levine has successfully built and sold 6 businesses in the last 30 years and her latest venture Heartrepreneur.com is her mission to change the world o...

“’Restore connection’ is not just for devices, it is for people too. If we cannot disconnect, we cannot lead. Creating the culture of burnout is opposite to creating a culture of sustainable creativity. This is something that needs to be taught in business schools. This mentality needs to be introduced as a leadership and performance-enhancing tool.” – Arianna Huffington

As a mother of 4 kids and a business owner leading a 15 person team -- it gets tough sometimes to be fully present in either role. Sometimes kids are wandering into my office during work hours looking for construction paper or I have to sent out a proposal before dinnertime.

That said: I am finding that those moments I take for myself - the hot bubble bath with a book in the evenings or the 10 minute “meditation” (i.e. Nap) that I grab after lunch - are the best investment I can make to everyone in my life.

Cuz if Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

This is crucial for all business owners. We can’t be successful unless we can take time for ourselves as well. Self-Care is the Oxygen Mask that we must put on ourselves before we can help others.

>> How about you? How are you disconnecting and recharging during this holiday season?

Tomorrow I will be speaking with Terri Levine LIVE!

I'm SUPER excited!!!

Terri is the founder of the Heartrepreneur Network. Her company is changing the way business owners around the world connect with their target audiences, then sell and serve their customers and their employees.

Join us Wednesday, December 14th at 11:30 am PST

Join from PC, Mac, Linux, iOS or Android: https://lnkd.in/eQDgZcq
Or Telephone: Dial: +1 646 568 7788
Meeting ID: 368 187 419

Join our Cloud HD Video Meeting now Zoom unifies cloud video conferencing, simple online meetings, and cross platform group chat into one easy-to-use platform. Our solution offers the best video, audio, and screen-sharing experience across Zoom Rooms, Windows, Mac, iOS, Android, and H.323/SIP room systems.

“Courage is not NOT being afraid, it’s being afraid and doing it anyways.” – Gina Bianchini, CEO of Mightybell

Courage is one of those odd virtues that only shows up in the presence of weakness. Without fear, there is no courage.

When we think of courage, we think of heroes, like firefighters, who rush INTO burning building when everyone else is running out. We assume that courage manifests in big ways and valiant action.

But courage also shows up when we need to confront a team member who is not meeting expectations… When we pick up the phone to make a sales call when we’d rather send an email.

Those small acts of courage build in us the fortitude to handle the big opportunities when they come.

Too often we let the fear stop us or keep us from moving in the direction we want or need to, often because we fail to name it correctly. We call it “Procrastination” or “Getting Distracted.” We find other ways to avoid the thing we fear. Once you face your fears, you’ll find that you’ll overcome it much more easily.

Ask Yourself: What is something you’ve told yourself you need to do, but you keep finding ways to avoid it? Look it straight in the face and ask yourself: “What am I afraid of?”

Actionable Takeaway: PICK THE SINGLE MOST DAUNTING ITEM ON YOUR TO-DO LIST TODAY, and break it down into the first, smallest step -- whatever you can get done right away, in less than 5 minutes -- and do it!

Be sure to mark your calendars and join us Wednesday, December 14th at 11:30 am PST when I speak live with Terri Levine, the founder of the Heartrepreneur Network. Her company is changing the way business owners around the world connect with their target audiences, then sell and serve their customers and their employees.

Join from PC, Mac, Linux, iOS or Android: https://zoom.us/j/368187419

Or Telephone: Dial: +1 646 568 7788
Meeting ID: 368 187 419

Join our Cloud HD Video Meeting now Zoom unifies cloud video conferencing, simple online meetings, and cross platform group chat into one easy-to-use platform. Our solution offers the best video, audio, and screen-sharing experience across Zoom Rooms, Windows, Mac, iOS, Android, and H.323/SIP room systems.

Johnilee Whiteside has a Masters in Psychology and is a certified Emotional Freedom Technique expert. In this interview, she shares the scientific background of EFT and the business ramifications of incorporating "tapping" into one's sales process. She also shares how to "increase confidence in 20 seconds or less"!

Join us Wednesday, November 30th at 11:30 am PST for Part-Two with Johnilee from PC, Mac, Linux, iOS or Android: https://zoom.us/j/368187419

EFT for Sales with Johnilee Johnilee Whiteside has a Masters in Psychology and is a certified Emotional Freedom Technique expert. In this interview, she shares the scientific background...

Join us today at 11:30 PST for our Learning Lunch.

Today we will hear from Johnilee Whiteside, a master sales mindset and money coach.

She has developed the powerful curriculum “Tapping into Sales” based on Margaret Lynch’s tapping into wealth program and has a long track record of transforming low performing sales teams into high energy, high vibration, highly lucrative sales teams with incredible integrity and service orientation.

Join us live to learn how to shift into high vibrational confidence so you can conquer your sales process.

How to join: zoom.us ID: 368 187 419 or you can dial in at 1+ (646) 568-7788

Today we had a great Learning Lunch where we heard from Caitlin herself!

She shared with us her "7 Step Formula for Closing High Ticket Clients". Before starting the replay, please head on over to our Facebook group, Million Dollar Sales Project, to download the Cheat Sheet from the file tab.

Please mark your calendar for the next Learning Lunch on November 16th at 11:30 am PST.

We hope to see you all there live!

7 Step Formula for Closing High Ticket Sales Join our Facebook Group "Million Dollar Sales Process" to download your cheatsheet: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1706466839639060/

"The higher the aspiration, the deeper the roots." - C. Doemner

A few weeks ago, Caitlin spoke at West Point Military Academy, where she discussed the power of motivation for attaining one's dreams.

In this video, she shares with you her personal story that drove her to build a million dollar sales business in less than 3 years and the Core Values that have defined and fueled her business.

In July she will be speaking at Harvard. We look forward to sharing that experience with you as well.

Westpoint Leadership Speech with Caitlin Cogan Doemner "The higher the aspiration, the deeper the roots." - C. Doemner In this keynote address to entrepreneurial leaders at West Point Military Academy, Caitlin Do...