10/11/2026
Sometimes, I feel deep sadness for my daughter.
She came into my ex-husband’s life when she was only four years old. For nearly seven years, he became her father figure. She even called him “Abbu.”
He taught her how to ride a bicycle and a scooter. He took her horseback riding. He supported her schooling and participated in her life in ways her biological father never did.
Then, when our marriage ended, he stopped speaking to her.
When I asked him why he had abandoned a child who still saw him as her father, he told me it was because of me.
There was a time when those words would have destroyed me.
I grew up hearing that other people’s misery was somehow my fault -that my mother’s life was miserable because of me, and that other people’s emotions, decisions, and unhappiness were my responsibility.
But I have healed enough to understand this now:
Another adult’s decision to abandon a child is not my responsibility.
I did not make him walk away. He made that choice.
And as a mother, it is painful to watch your daughter carry a father wound especially when her biological father is also emotionally and financially absent while living his own life with another family.
I will never pretend that this does not affect her. Her pain is real.
But her pain is not her identity.
My daughter is thriving.
Make it a single face-led photo post, not a carousel. Use your photo with this thumbnail:
YOUR CHILD DOESN’T NEED
A PERFECT MOTHER—
THEY NEED A HEALING ONE.
Then use this shorter Instagram caption:
Sometimes I feel deep sadness for my daughter.
Someone she called “Abbu” and trusted as a father figure for years completely stopped communicating with her after our divorce. Her biological father is also emotionally and financially absent.
As a mother, watching your child carry a father wound is painful.
But I have learned something powerful:
Her pain is real—but it does not have the authority to determine her destiny.
My daughter is thriving. She excels in school, her teachers love her, she manages her studies independently, and she is learning both the Qur’an and her secular subjects beautifully. MashaAllah.
And I had to recognize that Allah made me one of the means of her blessing.
She is watching her mother heal, rebuild her life, change other people’s lives, and continuously strive to align herself with Allah. Whether she says it or not, she is following in my footsteps.
Do we have a perfect relationship? No.
There are moments when she feels completely secure with me, and moments when my own reactions affect that safety. I recognize those moments, take responsibility, and continue doing the inner work.
Because perfect parenting does not exist.
If Allah has given you a child who is learning, developing, and thriving, do not allow parental guilt to erase everything you are doing right.
Your child does not need a perfect mother.
They need a mother who is willing to become aware, heal, repair, love, guide, and continue growing.
Do your best with love—and leave the rest to Allah.
If you are struggling with your child, repeating the same conflicts, carrying parental guilt, or unable to understand where you are going wrong, book an ASLAH Clarity & Action Session™.
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She excels in school. Her teachers love her. I never have to sit beside her and force her to study -she manages her work independently and performs beautifully in every subject.
She is excelling in her secular education as well as her Quran , Islamic studies and growing into an intelligent, disciplined, healthy young woman. MashaAllah.
And I also had to recognize something important:
Allah made me one of the means through which she received stability, protection, guidance, and an example to follow.
She is watching her mother rebuild her life.
She is watching her mother heal, transform, help change other people’s lives, and continue striving to align herself with Allah.
She is watching me fall, reflect, correct myself, and rise again.
And whether she says it or not, she is following in my footsteps.
Do we have a perfect mother-daughter relationship? No.
We are not always best friends. There are moments when she feels deeply secure with me, and there are also moments when my own reactions or limitations affect that sense of safety.
I do not deny those moments. I take responsibility for them.
But no parent creates emotional safety perfectly every second.
Perfect parenting does not exist.
What matters is whether we are willing to become aware, repair what we can, correct our patterns, and keep returning to love, responsibility, and Allah.
If Allah has given you a child who is healthy, progressing, learning, developing, and thriving, recognize what that is showing you.
It is evidence that despite your imperfections, you are doing many things right.
Do not allow parental guilt to erase every sacrifice you made, every time you showed up, every lesson you taught, and every safe place you created.
This realization changed something inside me.
I stopped looking only at who was absent and started recognizing everything Allah had preserved.
I stopped seeing my daughter only through the wound and started seeing her strength, intelligence, health, discipline, resilience—and the ways Allah used my own transformation as a blessing in her life.
Gratitude does not mean denying what hurt you.
It means refusing to let what is missing blind you to everything Allah has already given you.
Allah tells us:
“If you are grateful, I will certainly give you more.”
But human beings often become so consumed by what happened to us, who left us, and what we did not receive that we completely miss what is flourishing directly in front of us.
My daughter’s life is not doomed because a father figure is absent.
She is not broken.
She is not incomplete.
She has a mother who chose to heal, transform, become emotionally aware, and create a healthier environment for her children.
She has a mother who refused to let her own childhood wounds remain unexamined.
She has a mother who is showing her that painful experiences do not have to become lifelong identities.
Would the presence of a loving, responsible father have value? Of course.
But his absence does not have the authority to determine her destiny.
That authority belongs to Allah.
And Allah has also given her a mother who continues to do the work.
That matters.
The lesson is this:
Stop measuring your entire parenting journey by your mistakes, your guilt, or the difficult moments between you and your child.
Look at what survived.
Look at what is growing.
Look at the strength Allah developed within you and your children through what you experienced.
Your job is not to become a perfect parent.
Your job is to become an aware and responsible parent -to keep learning, repairing, loving, guiding, and doing the best you can with what Allah has entrusted to you.
Then leave what you cannot control to Allah.
That is where confidence comes from:
Doing your part with love, taking responsibility where necessary, and trusting Allah with the rest.
If you are struggling with your child, repeating the same conflicts, carrying parental guilt, or unable to understand where you are going wrong, book an ASLAH Clarity & Action Session™.
In this private 60-minute coaching session, we will get to the root of one specific problem, identify the beliefs, fears, and emotional patterns affecting your relationship with your child, and create clear, responsible action steps for what needs to change.
Link to book your session:
https://stan.store/AmrinKhan/p/aslah-clarity-action-session
