Inspire Coaching & Counseling, LLC

This is the definition of co-regulation. The most basic way that a child (or adult) learns to regulate… is thru a felt sense of regulated “other.”

That said, the moments when you can’t be a co-regulator for your child and are just too dysregulated yourself - those moments are important too. In those moments, your child witnesses your humanity and imperfection, which gives them permission to be human too. ❤️

Darkness isn’t bad. It’s simply anything we are scared to face or admit - essentially our unconscious and humanity. Calling the contents bad or evil - doesn’t get rid of them. By doing so, we actually drive them deeper underground and they eventually start to grow.

(We see examples of this in some spiritual teachers and gurus - who pursue a particular standard of perceived righteousness or “light” while denying their humanity… yet end up having secret lives of addiction.)

At an unconscious level, a child already knows and feels the challenges happening around them. They are picking up on the body language of adults around them, hushed voices, stress, tension, and energy. When talk about the challenges, we actually help them make sense of the energy that they are already picking up on.

While it may seem we are protecting kids when we don't tell them the truth about something hard (or when we avoid the subject altogether), it can create confusion for them. They then have to choose between believing their own intuition that something is wrong - or believing adults who tell them that "everything is fine." Over time, this can train a child to stop trusting their intuition.

The idea is to help kids face reality, rather than deny them reality. We can do this with love, acceptance, empathy, and reassurance that we will be with them thru the challenges.

(We also don't have to share all the gory details of a challenge with them. Just the basics are enough - so that they know what is going on.)

❤️❤️❤️

Just wrapped up a week in Yucatan, Mexico, studying Maya and Aztec symbolism as it relates to Soul. 🇲🇽

Once again, I feel humbled & awed by a culture that has managed to preserve ancient symbolism. It’s a sharp contrast to my experience in my own culture that often values logic, reason, and power/domination above symbol.

Recently, the symbol of snakes has appeared in many of my dreams (venomous rainbow snakes, snakes eating other snakes, and snakes being birthed out of bloody wounds). This week, I leaned that in Maya religion, snakes are messengers from the underworld to humans… guiding us to our wild, feminine instinct. 🐍 (See the serpent guarding the bottom of the pyramid!)

Other important symbols in ancient Maya include the bat, light & dark, twins, the Ceiba tree, and the jaguar.

Working with symbol is one way to grow both individually and as a culture… through daily work with dreams, symbols, our bodies, our projections and our path to Soul. In doing so, we stop being blind, obedient victims (or perpetuators) in a system of patriarchy, heirarchies, rascism, misogyny, and colonialism. We develop the ability to love (and be with) all of ourselves… some of the time, and imperfectly. Thus we live from a place of love for all creatures - people of every nation, animals, plants, and rocks. Without hierarchy or dominion.

So much of this work happens through symbol and in the physical body. Being in an ancient place, in a different culture, engaging my sense of smell and taste and wonder, and doing so with beloved friends... helps me to remember all of this and to connect a little more deeply to my dear friend, the snake. 🩷🧡💛

❤️❤️❤️ I've found this to be true in my own personal journey, as well as with clients. While we are each complex and unique, there are particular patterns of repression (influenced by society) that sometimes show up similarly. Finding a safe place to experience all of oneself... can be powerful.

Regardless of one's gender... allowing expressing of the feminine (yin) principle (feeling, receiving, body, breath) is a part of the journey to wholeness. ❤️❤️❤️

Secure attachment is formed through a series of rupture, repair, rupture, & repair. Children grow to feel safe in relationships when they do not fear rupture and can trust that repair will always happen.

In fact, avoidance of conflict (or conflict without repair) both teach children to fear rupture… leading to less feelings of safety in the relationship overall.

Society will teach you about heirarchies, class systems, rules, and traditions.

Who is at the top.
Who is at the bottom.
How to behave.
Who to love.
And who to worship.

But nature reminds you... you are a Soul...
existing among other equally magnificent Souls... trees, chipmunks, or rocks scattered on the side of a mountain.

It reminds us, at a very deep level, that heirarchies and rules about who we (or others) are suppoesd to be in society... pale in comparison to who we could be if we each trusted the beauty of our own Soul instead of trusting in the rules of man.

(More directly... Time in nature can loosen any unconscious allegiance to systems of power or patriarchy. It restores us to our own natural wisdom and intuition.)

Practices that help you move, release, and transform energy:

- Breath work (diaphramic, deep)

- Heat & sweat (saunas, baths/showers, or even sitting in a hot car)

- Dancing freely, circular movements

- Water: drinking plenty of water, soaking in water, bonus points for jumping in a cold river

- Crying, shouting, or any kind of vocal expression

- Tapping (EFT or TFT)

- Breaking objects like cardboard boxes (safely)

- Connecting with nature (grounding, walking, forest bathing, feeling the trunk of a tree)

- Yoga or any practice that brings space and opening into your body

- Energy medicine practices

- Taking care of your pets... playing with them, talking & reassuring them (they feel energy too!)

If you have kids, you can invite your kids to practice some of these with you. Plus, it benefits them too. Even if they don't intellectually understand what is going on, they can energetically feel tension in the world around them - so this can help them too.

The key is connect to your body and allow energy to move through you, rather than getting stuck. In this way, you shift your own energy field, connect to Self, and have access to greater sources of energy, wisdom, and power rooted in Love. ❤️

The invitation… is to love that part… until it integrates and even becomes endearing. To hold it with deepest understanding that it developed as an attempt to keep us safe and protect us.

Happy New Year! 🎊

🔔 New Year’s Wishes & Reminders: 🔔

Many cultures that follow lunar calendars haven’t actually begun the new year! 🌙 🌖 🌕

Ancient lunar calendars originated before solar calendars, following phases of the moon. They are woven into connection with earth, natural cycles, ritual, and even intuition. 💫

Our current Gregorian solar calendar was adopted by the Catholic Church in place of lunar calendars - to organize and control society, economy, taxes, politics and religious holidays.

So for those of you not quite ready for a new year… your body may be more aligned to a lunar calendar. Give yourself time and permission to listen to your own natural rythym - you may feel the inklings of new beginnings in a couple of months when many lunar calendars welcome in a new year. 🥂

(I’ve experienced this myself the last few January’s - still feeling tied to the past year and not ready for bew beginnings just yet. My body was simply feeling the natural rhythm of winter and darkness.)

Me and Freya (my favorite co-regulator) wish you a lovely new year rooted in your own intuitive rhythm. 😻🌖🌙⭐️🌟💫