05/06/2019
Why am I writing this? Because I lived my life not knowing what was wrong and I now know how prevalent this illness is so I am bringing awareness. I have kept this hidden for a long time not knowing how others would react and judge. I want to help others because I know how awful it is to hold this secret. Please know there is no cookie cutter definition to use and each and every person affected can relate to responses to different triggers.
I have suffered with Misophonia and Misokinesia for as long as I can remember. As a child, we would watch tv as a family which meant- my brother would have his feet propped up as he was lying on the love seat and would be waiving his feet back and forth. My mother would be snacking on carrots or chewing gum. Everyone in the room would be breathing. It literally felt as if the walls were closing in on me and as often as I asked everyone to stop making the noises or the movements, it was felt that these were my issues and I was the one who needed to deal with them. The problem was- I couldn't. I became enraged with anger over these rude people. I fled the room in tears.
As time moved forward, the sounds and movements only increased. I had no idea what was happening and to me, I felt that everyone should be experiencing the same response as I was. Soon, I found that the anger and hostility caused by misophonia and misokinesia increased the pain I felt from Fibromyalgia. At that point, I had to seek help and 6 years ago is when I learned that I was not alone. The sounds are not only related to chewing, they can be anything repetitive- keyboard typing, tapping, breathing, sniffing, saying the same word over and over, crinkling a water bottle, loud bass sound from speakers, loud yelling, motorcycles and much more. The more I am triggered, the greater pain I experience so I learned to flee.
To watch someone unwrap a piece of gum means that they will start to chew it and I start to experience the awful symptoms before the sound even starts. Attending elective events such as church, a movie or a play isn't an option. My attendance during meetings might prove tolerable however; when triggered I will get up and leave. Dinners are horrible in an intimate setting and there have been many times when we would change tables, mid-meal. I've learned to always seek an escape and to find it when needed.
Misophonia and Misokinesia can completely ruin a relationship and your life. It has ruined countless marriages and personal self-esteem and respect. Please know that they do exist- the person you are with isn't crazy- they can't just shake it off and ignore what they are hearing and seeing and...at preset, there is no cure. I learned this firsthand when a person from my Misophonia group reached out to me late at night and said she was going to end her life because she couldn't deal with this any longer- her husband had left her and she was alone.
I then realized that I became a coach to help heal relationships including Estrangement and Misophonia. Until now, I did not promote the Misophonia aspect but a recent encounter with someone who is suffering opened my eyes and something told me to open my mouth. If you or someone you know is suffering, you're not alone, it's not your fault, there is no cure but- there are ways to deal and live a productive life with others who love you.
Not much is known about misophonia, a condition that didn’t even get a name until 2001.
