Wishful Thinking Works

Why "Teen" Brain Development Continues to Age 32 Substance abuse can forever change reward circuits.

Today, March 20, is not only the spring equinox, it is also the first International Day of Happiness! The origins of this new, worldwide celebration can be traced back to the actions of Bhutan, a teeny, tiny country perched high in the Himalaya Mountains between China and India. I first wrote about Bhutan and their approach to happiness in June of 2010…...

Today is First UN International Day of Happiness = Be Happy! Today, March 20, is not only the spring equinox, it is also the first International Day of Happiness! The origins of this new, worldwide celebration can be traced back to the actions of Bhutan…

Priceless FREE Christmas gifts . . . Use them to surprise and delight the special people in your life or anyone you you want to make feel special.

Give encouragement instead of advice!

Simply saying, “ Wow, that is great.” “Congratulations!” “Great job.” “I know this means a lot to you,” is a gift all of us can give away freely. Who doesn’t need and appreciate encouragement and support, especially at this busy time of year?

T’s not the season to rain on anyone’s parade, and there is seldom a need for any expert opinions or advice.

Simple words of support are a gift. Adding a smile, heartfelt eye contact, and/ or a hug are the perfect holiday wrapping for your kind and thoughtful words. Just like any special gift, personalizing them for the recipient and the situation will make them more memorable and appreciated.

“Wow, that is a great idea.” “You are creative and resourceful.” “You are brave and strong.” “I loved the way you handled that.” “Everything looks lovely.” “You did an amazing job.” “Your words were so kind and caring.” “You are a great - Mom, Dad, son, daughter, sister, brother, cousin, friend . .“ “You are beautiful.” “I am so glad you are here.” “I like being with you.” “Being around you makes me happy.”

There are a thousand ways to make someone feel good with your words. Start giving the gift of encouragement. It’s free and can bring immeasurable joy to you and those around you.

“The Art of Unfolding”

“I’m a book lover and a budding unfolder. My definition of an unfolder, is a person, who lets life unfold at its own pace and in its own way.

Unfolding is an art, not a science. It takes practice and patience – two things I used to avoid in life. You see, there once was a time if I could not do something well after the first couple of tries, I simply crossed it off my list. Yes, you are right; that was a silly thing to do. And, I must admit there was also a time when “having it yesterday” was not soon enough for me.

Fortunately for me, and those around me, I have learned the benefits of trusting myself and my instincts and embracing the art of unfolding.

Unfolding is similar to being in a library walking through rows and rows of books. My feelings of excitement and anticipation grow, as I realize all the options presented before me ~ so many books, so little time!

I peruse the shelves, looking high and low, stretching and bending to read the titles. Then slowly and with intention I raise my hand, and use the tip of my index finger to gently tilt the chosen spine toward me, and the book of choice slides from the shelf.

An option has become an opportunity, and a bit of my fate now rests in my hands.

It’s just a book, you say. Perhaps, but like any moment in life, it might hold much more. It may spark my imagination, expand my experience, increase my knowledge, or perhaps become part of my life in a way i never considered.

I read the cover, and if it captures my attention I flip it open and check the table of contents or move directly to the opening paragraph, letting the story unfold before my eyes.

Ahh, the priceless art of unfolding.

To become an unfolder, please:

1. Show-up

~ Nothing happens without action
~ Picture yourself heading to the library of life
~ Plan to sit a bit, no need to rush these things

2. Listen

~ Best way to learn and to open yourself to opportunities
~ Listening is like reading the titles and the first few pages of each new book
~ You know you are really listening when you are no longer thinking of yourself, but only the person or subject at hand

3. Reach-out

~ Best way to help and to receive help
~ Picture yourself opening a new chapter of your life
~ Don’t be afraid to become involved, trust your judgment, if you have followed the first two steps, you are ready

Am I always unfolding? No, not always, but when I do slow down long enough to follow this simple approach; I’m richly rewarded with new ideas, information, insights, and sometimes even new projects and friends.

I’m constantly learning new ways to slow down, to pay attention, and to reach-out at just the right moment. And, yes it is true, sometimes I reach-out and nothing happens or I get stung a bit. I’ve learned not to fret about those instances and to simply slide that “book” back into its place on the shelf and to continue browsing for others. I have seldom left a library empty-handed, and now I trust that the library of life will leave me with at least a good story or a rewarding lesson or two, and maybe, much, much more. So many experiences, so little time.

If you would like to try the art of unfolding: Show-up. Listen. Reach out. Repeat often, and then wait for life to unfold in front of you.

While you are waiting, you might want to open a good book.

Are you unfolding? We’d love to hear and learn from your experiences. And, if unfolding suggests a particular vision or image – tell us how it looks to you. “

Adapted from a Wishful Thinking Works post, Patrice Robson, March 7, 2011

12 Ways to Survive Family Holiday Gatherings

The Wishful Thinking Works “12 Ways to Survive Family Holiday Happenings” can help you avoid prickly holiday moments!

If you are heading to a family gathering soon, but do not always see eye-to-eye with all of your loved ones about touchy topics such as politics, religion, child-rearing, sports, lifestyles, who should bring what, or even the weather – this post is for you.

I am sharing my Wishful Thinking Works version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” which I wrote in 2010 after being inspired earlier in that year by author and life coach Marianne Ford. (I have updated my version for 2023, just a little.)

Marianne reminded me that being right isn’t a right and sometimes conversations and life go better when, instead of sharing our wisdom, opinions, advice, or rebuttals – we simply listen and respond with a friendly, “I hear you.” or a non-committal but respectful “Ah- huh,” Wow!” “Okay,” or “Really?”

In other words, when respect is present agreement is not a necessity. We can change our experience and the conversation by using Marianne’s tips to transform debates into discussions and boring exchanges into interesting encounters.

I can always use a bit of help around this time of year, so I wove Marianne’s thoughts and some of my musings into . . .

“Wishful Thinking Works’ “12 Ways to Survive Family Gatherings” Works best if you sing along!🎼🎼🎼🎼

On the 1st day of Christmas my new perspective gave to me patience at the party,

On the 2nd day of Christmas my new perspective gave to me 2 sacks of courage, and patience at the party.

On the 3rd day of Christmas my new perspective gave to me 3 “Ah-huh’s,” 2 sacks of courage and patience at the party.

On the 4th day of Christmas my new perspective gave to me 4 smiling nods, 3 “Ah-huh’s,” 2 sacks of courage and patience at the party.

On the 5th day of Christmas my new perspective gave to me 5 “Oh, that’s great’s,” 4 smiling nods, 3 “Ah-huh’s,” 2 sacks of courage and patience at the party.

On the 6th day of Christmas my new perspective gave to me 6 “Tell me more’s,” 5 “Oh, that’s great’s,” 4 smiling nods, 3 “Ah-huh’s,” 2 sacks of courage and patience at the party.

On the 7th day of Christmas my new perspective gave to me 7 “That sounds interesting’s,” 6 “Tell me more’s,” 5 “Oh, that’s great’s,” 4 smiling nods, 3 “Ah-huh’s,” 2 sacks of courage and patience at the party.

On the 8th day of Christmas my new perspective gave to me 8 “I-can-do-this’s,” 7 “That sounds interesting’s,” 6 “Tell me more’s,” 5 “Oh, that’s great’s,” 4 smiling nods, 3 “Ah-huh’s,” 2 sacks of courage and patience at the party.

On the 9th day of Christmas my new perspective gave to me 9 “Okay.” “Wow!” “Really’s,” 8 “I-can-do-this’s,” 7 “That sounds interesting’s,” 6 “Tell me more’s,” 5 “Oh, that’s great’s,” 4 smiling nods, 3 “Ah-huh’s,” 2 sacks of courage and patience at the party.

On the 10th day of Christmas my new perspective gave to me 10 “That sounds so frustrating’s,” 9 “Okay.” “Wow!” “Really’s,” 8 “I-can-do-this’s,” 7 “That sounds interesting’s,” 6 “Tell me more’s,” 5 “Oh, that’s great’s,” 4 smiling nods, 3 “Ah-huh’s,” 2 sacks of courage and patience at the party.

On the 11th day of Christmas my new perspective gave to me 11 “Oh my gosh’s,” 10 “That sounds so frustrating’s,” 9 “Okay.” “Wow!” “Really’s,” 8 “I-can-do-this’s,” 7 “That sounds interesting’s,” 6 “Tell me more’s,” 5 “Oh, that’s great’s,” 4 smiling nods, 3 “Ah-huh’s,” 2 sacks of courage and patience at the party.

On the 12th day of Christmas my new perspective gave to me 12 “I lived through its!”, 11 “Oh my gosh’s,” 10 “That sounds so frustrating’s,” 9 “Okay.” “Wow!” “Really’s,” 8 “I-can-do-this’s,” 7 “That sounds interesting’s,” 6 “Tell me more’s,” 5 “Oh, that’s great’s,” 4 smiling nods, 3 “Ah-huh’s,” 2 sacks of courage and patience at the party.

Feel free to share the Wishful Thining Works updated holiday classic with your friends and family. It may help everyone’s holiday shine a bit brighter and feel a tad merrier.

(In case it comes up at a holiday gathering, the twelve days of Christmas are the evening of December 24/January 6 or December 25/January 7 – depending on the calendar, Julian/Gregorian, you are following.)

And, if you are now trying to remember the original lyrics to “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” here they are . . .

Twelve drummers drumming,

Eleven pipers piping,

Ten lords a-leaping,

Nine ladies dancing,

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree!

Happy Holidays!

I was recently driving the backroads of central Florida on my way to my son’s house and I was frustrated with something my husband did, or more precisely, didn’t do that morning. You know, one of those silly things that truly doesn’t matter but still bugs you. (And, honestly, I don’t even recall what it was now, but do remembering being frustrated!) I was also preoccupied with going over a mental list of everything I wanted to bring for my five day stay at my son’s.

A few minutes into the ride, I decide to get over myself and let my frustrations go, because I knew I soon would be passing some of my favorite scenery in rural west central Florida and I didn’t want to miss the joy it would bring me. I mentally apologized to my husband. (Please note, you can apologize for being frustrated or angry anytime, even when the person is nowhere around and even if they were “wrong” and not you!) And, next I decided it was too late to worry about anything left behind, which helped me let it all go.

With my thoughts and attention refocused, I began noticing the beauty around me. The miles of green pastures, the bends in the winding road and my favorite nursery featuring thousands of trees planted in precise rows that seemed to go on forever. The trees lined gently rolling hills which made the view deeper and more appealing to my eye.

My mood shifted immediately, and led me to notice simple things along the way that packed a surprising amount of joy. I saw houses with new roofs or additions being added and houses with brightly painted doors and window trim that accented the color of the home itself. With my free and refreshed mind, I easily imagined the joy of the families who lived in these homes, as they renovated and updated their houses. I imagined the pride they may have felt being able to make the improvements, and the happiness and relief they may have felt to get the job started or finished.

I noticed various yard and garage sale signs and thought about how happy those folks might be having cleared out their clutter and being able to make a few dollars selling the items they no longer needed. I pictured them in friendly conversation with the folks stopping by to browse or buy.

I quickly realized that my journey was filled with many opportunities to experience interest, delight, and even awe and that all of it was available to me for FREE by simply being open to what was going on around me with grateful eyes. (I felt a bit like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, realizing I always had the power, I just hadn’t seen it.)

My journey was an hour and thirty minutes, but seemed to go by much faster and filled my heart with so much joy, I truly felt as if it was overflowing. My feelings of happiness and serenity expanded when I realized I had done nothing more than notice what was around me and imagined the happiness and excitement others might be experiencing.

In life we spend a great deal of time imagining the worst, but are shy or reticent about imaging the best, or noticing the good. Don’t cheat yourself out of all of the joy life offers. In most situations, happiness is simply a few thoughts away if we simply let go and enjoy the ride.

(Disclaimer: This photo is not from my journey, the road was too narrow to stop to take a picture, but the view I saw is similar and etched in my mind and ready for replay at a moments notice. That is the way delight and joy work, they are always just a thought away.)

I liked this article, thought you might, too. It is things we may know but nicely gathered and linked to “A Christmas Carol.”

5 Things "A Christmas Carol" Can Teach Us About Happiness — New City Players Well, friends… now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, it is by my calculations officially no longer too soon to say that the Christmas season is in full swing. That special season when people are encouraged to step away from their day to day so they can take the annual opportunity to, as the cha...

Are you a “last word” girl or guy? A number of years ago, I started paying attention to my conversations and realized that I am. Sadly, I liked getting in the last word. I am not sure “like” is exactly the right word to describe why I did it, but, no matter, I was often am the last one speaking.

You see, I was either explaining myself, or kindly directing, or helpfully advising ~ which all sound much better than simply admitting that I was getting the last word in.

Maybe I am the only one who does this, but I am guessing many of us tend to want the last word consciously or unconsciously.

I know as a teen my last words were often mumbled under my breath as I was walking away or behind a closed door, and were a way to push back at my parents. I remember hearing them say, “What did you say” and “Don’t you mumble at me” on more than one occasion.

As I grew older my “last word” techniques grew more sophisticated and included the above mentioned offering of words of wisdom and helpful advice. I was uncomfortable with silent endings and was often verbally dancing to fill any personally perceived voids, to make sure everyone was comfortable, or to help get my point across.

That is, until, one magnificent, glorious day when I realized I could let go of my oral gymnastics brought on by my insecurities, and simply let things go unsaid. When I finally sat with the discomfort of not being understood I realized my explanations were my way of trying to eliminate some level of personal internal fear and panic. And, that rather than continue to explain myself ad nauseam, I could be quiet and work off my anxiety in other ways.

I turned to calming, positive self-talk, listening at a deeper level, saying things such as, “You might be right, “Huh, I never thought of that” or “I need to think about that” or “I can tell I am feeling stressed right now, I need some time to think this through.” I then refocused my attention by gently leaving the conversation to go for a walk, stretch, do the dishes or the laundry or any other low key physical activity. Later, when I was relaxed I took the time to do lots of emotional deep dives to key in on what was really bothering me and making me blather on. I also read lots of self-help books and attended programs that helped me better understand my feelings and myself.

I realized that my small, but long-held fears of abandonment and lack of safety, and their related impact on my self-confidence were behind most of my explanations. Once I learned to comfort and trust myself, those scary feelings were greatly reduced. (Internal fears of abandonment or lack of safety are pretty common and can range from teeny tiny to large and looming. Don’t worry if you have them or any other childhood or culturally induced fears; they will diminish or vanish once they know they are being heard and lovingly attended to.)

Once I quit “helping,” explaining, rewording, etc. I found this luscious, beautiful space to simply relax and be, no words necessary. (“Quit” is a relative term in this case, as I still feel the need on occasion to add an explanation or explain myself or my reasoning, but I am much happier than I was a few decades ago, and I have learned there is a special kind of peace waiting for me when I don’t have to have the last word. 🥰)

Awareness, as always, is the first step. If you are often feeling misunderstood, and scrambling for ways to get your point across, especially in conversations with your significant other, check to see if you are in the habit of getting in the last word. If so, pause and see if you can sit with the discomfort of not getting the last word long enough to learn something new about yourself, your partner, or your situation. There is wisdom and peace in silence and reflection.

As a side note, I am not saying you do not need to feel understood in a relationship, but rather if you are constantly verbally or emotionally dancing to make that happened, there is a better way. Trust yourself enough to look at your habits and then let the rest unfold over time.

Independence Day weekend is the perfect time to begin celebrating your personal triumphs. You can pretend all those amazing fireworks are going off on the 4th just for you! Begin the celebration by creating your very own “Ta Da” list. Most of us spend way more time thinking about what we haven’t done, than what we have done. It’s time to change all that....

Celebrate Independence Day a Brand New Way – “Ta Da” Independence Day weekend is the perfect time to begin celebrating your personal triumphs. You can pretend all those amazing fireworks are going off on the 4th just for you! Begin the celebration by…