Autism inclusion page.

Negotiate and Collaborate ( for children, teens, and adults)

It is important to teach children to problem solve and collaborate to meet their needs and keep themselves regulated. Children often go from 0 to 100 when they reach a road block, going into panic mode because they see the world as “all or nothing”, either “yes or no.” No means never, and snags mean disaster! It is important to also get them considering the view point and concerns of others (which does not come naturally for them). The “Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS)” strategy described here was developed by Dr. Ross Greene, author of “The Explosive Child”, and has been highly successful with working with children who have rigid/inflexible thinking and poor emotional regulation. In this sequence of steps it is important to first acknowledge and validate the child’s concerns and importance, “Wow…Johnny you really look upset to me!”, “I can understand how you would feel angry if Julie took your favorite toy!”. Once you have validated the child’s concern then you can concretely define your concern and teach the child to collaborate with you to come up with a solution that meets everyone’s needs. It is very important to concretely define each person’s concerns so that the options need to compromise to meet both party’s needs. When learning this it is important to practice this frequently. If the child is too upset to do it during the heat of the moment, then review it once everyone has calmed down. It is also good to use this before entering events that could be a problem…use it proactively to hold off problems.

This procedure is good for more cognitively capable children on the spectrum because it helps the adult learn to define (investigate) what the true problem is and also teach the child that others have a different perspective by the adult clearly identifying what their concern is. Once the two concerns are identified that the “rule” (objective) is to find an agreed upon solution that will meet both concerns. For most of our kids teaching this problem solving and collaborating will take a long time to teach. The child doesn’t naturally see the perspectives of others and doesn’t have a clue that negotiating can get them where they want to go. Patience and persistence is the key. However, the payoff is very beneficial.

Steps to Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS)

1. Empathy (plus reassurance)

a. Stay calm
b. Acknowledge child has legitimate concern
c. Reflective listening: “I’ve noticed that….”, “You seem really upset by….”
d. Than clarify problem “What’s up?” Specifically define what the concern is.
e. Child must feel that their concern is “heard” and “taken into account”.

2. Define the problem.

a. Next, define the adult’s concern(s).
b. Need to specifically defined concerns…child and adults.
c. Do not state your concern as an imposed solution: “you are not going to…!”
d. Problem is two concerns that have yet to be reconciled.
e. Do not state in terms of your concern being more important.
f. Both concerns need to be specified until there are possible solutions.
g. Laying both concerns out on the table allow child to understand person has a different perspective.

3. Invitation

a. Next, invite the child to collaboratively identify possible solutions. Solutions must be “mutually satisfying.”
b. Invitation makes it clear that both parties will do it together: Key word “lets”
“Lets see how we can solve that problem” “Lets see what we can do about that.”
c. Brainstorm solutions that will address both concerns.
d. Try to give child first crack at it. “Do you have any ideas?”
e. If the solution only addresses child’s concern, “That probably might make you happy, but doesn’t make me happy. Lets find one that makes both happy.”
f. It is important that both parties recognize each other’s concerns and come up with a solution that is satisfying to both parties.

Summary

1. “Wow you seem really upset! What’s up!”
2. Use empathy and define child’s concern as important.
3. Clearly define what your concerns are.
4. Invite child to brainstorm solutions: “Lets see what we can do about this” “Do you have any ideas.
5. It is important that you acknowledge and value child’s concerns and invite child to help come up with solutions. However, solutions must be satisfactory to both parties.

Ways of using CPS

1. Reactive Problem Solving: Doing CPS at time of problem. When problem arises, using
CPS to work through the problem.
2. After the Fact” Problem Solving: Doing CPS following the explosion.
3. Proactive Problem Solving: For common, reoccurring problems, doing CPS before
problem arises. Before event occurs, talk about expectations
of both parties and work out plan that satisfies both parties.

Clarify, Verify, Preview & Review. Practice: Social stories, comic strip, pictures, modeling,
role playing, etc.

•Clarify: Don’t assume, be specific about what is happening, what is expected of him, when it
will end, and what is next. Use visual aids, demonstrate as needed.
•Verify: Don’t assume, ask him to explain back or demonstrate
•Preview: Go over it before going.
•Review: Go over afterwards, and periodically between events.

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Noah LeCompte. Nanette Nielson
We had so much! Art and milkshakes!!! They have so many different projects you can pick from. Noah made a Tri-met sign I painted a birdhouse. Noah picked out the s’mores milkshake. I got the Barbie.
The staff was so friendly and so accommodating and so kind to Noah. I highly recommend this place if your family members are on the spectrum or not.  Soooo much fine!!!

“When we make it safe to fail,
we make it safe to succeed.”

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TikTok · Betsy Hicks Russ 363 likes, 26 comments. ““It’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s just that he’s not part of the social contract””

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