Suzi's 24 Hour Childcare

I had a ridiculously realistic dream this morning and woke up relieved and wondering if God was showing me something.

In the dream I woke up in our previous house, all our own furniture, children at the door and my mother acting like all is normal. I was desperate to get out of that reality and trying to figure out how or why we would need to relive the last 4.5 years. The idea of needing to go through buying a new house, moving, starting a new business while keeping the daycare going, raising up our baby boys, all while suffering my aging and painful body and going through covid 19 and then raising up Chandler, and worrying over grandma, watching her age and knowing time can't be stopped or slowed, right before waking up I was thinking Chandler and Dende were not alive at that moment...truly a nightmare.

I've always loved watching time travel movies. But the last 4.5 years have been a nightmare of changes and challenges for me and while all has worked out and life truly is good, I would go crazy if I had to relive any part of it. Life is a forward march and we can't go back and SHOULDN'T.

This wasn't a steller day. I only made 50 bucks all day. But I did take a really nice nap, go to AJs football game, and now it's Chiefs game time!!

This baby girl climbs on and off the couch any time she pleases. She's not so much a baby anymore. But never fear. We won't be without a baby long. Kati is seeing too that. Grandbaby number 8 is only 4 months away.

Today while out passing out business cards, I was summoned over to a car by a lady. I figured she was going to ask about the notary business from the signs on my car. She told me that she could see that I have a hard time walking, but that she just had hip surgery and would I go get her some ice. I did. When I got back to her car she told me that God could heal my leg. Mmm says the lady that just had hip surgery. I told her that I've been waiting for my Holy Ghost knee surgery for a lot of years. She proceeded to start yelling me an outlandish story that Kenneth Copland tells. I told her she must watch Kenneth Copeland. It was kind of a strange encounter. I have to admit that the main reason I haven't yet scheduled knee surgery is that I am holding out for my miracle.

Sunday morning, guy calls at 9am and asks if I am working today. I tell him I can. He's 40 minutes from me. So it's going to eat up the better part of 2 hours. I quote him 13 for gas and 30 for the notary. He says no way is he paying 40 bucks for a notary. Good for you cheapskate. And you think my car is free and little fairies pay my bills. Oh and my name is at the top of Google because I am a slacker, NOT. GOTTA love waking up to be devalued.

I understand that as Christians we are supposed to bear each others burdens and I am one that likes to meet needs for others where I can. But for some people facebook becomes a platform to pull others into their gaping whole of black despair. I'm not on tick tok. But some people gift us with glimpses over here. Who ever thought that a whole platform of rotten stinking opinions was a great idea?

I struggle in my life to turn my own negative thoughts around and to fight against self pity so I can be a productive member of society. For the first time in my Facebook life I have a lot of friends. I take the friend requests due to my business. But I am just as quick to hit delete. I just can't. I've spent all my emotional currency in my life. Here on out I am riding a monotone emotional wave until I meet Jesus.

I've said it a thousand times at least. All moms and dads need to keep a consistent schedule with daycare AND always call with any variation. All providers need to call when the kids don't show. I've called and emailed and texted for nearly 4 decades. But when a parent is constantly leaving us wonder, it's hard to know when to call...

All these dead babies sleeping in cars. Mom or dad forgets the drop at daycare and daycare doesn't call. It's just not okay.

I HAVE called a mom that was almost to work with baby still in a seat. I've also been left wondering with no answers all too often.

I haven't shared too much on here in a long while. Our family is so busy all the time. Between the few daycare children, we have and the whole herd of grandkids, it's just one long busy life. We are expecting another grandchild in January and that daughter is the baby of the family. So, she's not finished with school yet. She has about 2 years behind her and is entering nursing school next month. We will be watching her kid's nights so that daddy can sleep. He works overnight. When the kids all go back to school in August, we are only replacing one of them. So, we will have a bit more flexibility on days to use for our grandchildren. I'm not going to lie. The state should not have changed the rules after so many years of having it the way it was. I raised my children believing that I would always watch their kids for lesser than the going rate in pay, and that I would always have 4 full-time children paying the full going rate. It never would have been enough, and it would not have had me dying a wealthy woman. But it would have worked for my family. Now, even though every member of my family only needs me part-time, I'm always stressed about being there for them and how we are going to get through the days when too many need us. Because of this situation, I haven't put a lot of effort into the daycare itself lately. Anyone that spends time with us knows that we treat all the kids like family. We have had a good group of people that have hung around a long time (daycare families). But many of them have aged out and some will be leaving for school and our nights have dwindled quite a bit. I had to start a second business in order to make ends meet. I LOVE that business and could do it and do it all by it's lonesome. But, I love my family and daycare and my mother and I'm not wanting to send my own flesh in blood to other places and when my mother finally needs me there to nurse her, I WILL be there. So we just juggle all of it. My husband is a great daycare dad. He's getting home earlier, and he has a lot of days off being so long with his company. He takes the kids outside, shows his fish to them and hangs out with the kids if we have doctor appointments. He's only 7 years from retiring. He'll be around a lot more when I am finally ready to let the notary business go and come back to daycare full-time.

I read that 70% of Americans want a new job this year. Do you realize that for every job offered, someone else didn't like it or want it? You know what they say job stands for? Just Over Broke.

In May, people are organizing a national DAY WITHOUT CHILDCARE. No, mom and I are not going to participate. We will cross that figurative picket line. And no, I don't think the government needs to pay for childcare. We are the government and we pay too many taxes now.

I am thinking about this because a teacher went online to complain about a teacher appreciation gift. Well ... there is a childcare appreciation day in this country. I had only 1 parent ever recognize the day in 36 years. And yeah. Don't feel bad. I didn't know we had a day either.

It's always been difficult to read about how hard it is for teachers. I know I sound ungrateful. But these people get off at a decent time of day, even if they grade papers at night. There is no way they come even close to the hours my mother and I keep. They have days off, even weeks off. If we get more than 3 days off in a whole year I would be in shock. The last few years we've had people insisting on us working Thanksgiving. So we ended up with Christmas day only. The national average for a teacher... over 60k. More than twice what we keep after feeding and caring for the kids and it takes 7 days per week to eek it out. They also get insurance, 401k. We get zip in that area.

There is always someone with more and others with less. We should try and be grateful for what we have.

Sometimes through the years, I have worried about my daycare kids for various reasons. Either their personal lives were full of drama, or I suspected drugs or poverty or behaviors that would put them at risk. I always knew that it would be possible that one of our charges would end up in the news for bad reasons. Now that it's happened I am beside myself, mentally obsessed. I am staring at all kids and scanning the streets. I'm trying to do it safely while driving. I just can't believe his mom and step dad are not on the news every single day. If this were my 13 year old grandson, I would not leave one rock or blade of grass unturned. I can't sleep, was up so late every night this week, praying and going over and over the possibilities in my head.

I remember this little boy so much. His singing and silliness, and some things I worried about. I am not all that surprised. Today there is a search and I really want to go. We do have kids today and in truth, my miles in my car in all neighborhoods could come in handy. If that boy is running the streets...he'll be seen. It's a sad sad day when we hope he ran away. Anything else is devastating.

I am still looking for reliable and consistent help that can come by themselves. Adding extra kids from the helper to the house and paying $12 per hour is counter productive. I know its not a lot of money. But daycare providers average 2 dollars per hour per child. At a limit of 6 kids, I am giving more than I make per hour because I don't get the going rate for my grandchildren. Plus the helpers kids count in my numbers So for me to only bring in help during the hours I am not full is causing me to pay way more than I am able. Not to mention I am full most afternoons.

I have more energy than these crazy kids. It's only 5pm!