Katie Dalbey, Parent Education and Coaching

I've got space for a few more parents who are interested in getting and giving support as you work on taking better care of yourself, managing your own emotions, and bringing a conscious, positive approach to parenting! Register through the link and send me a message with any questions!

PSG Spring '24 Yes? Then this group is for you! Together, we will tackle your trickiest parenting moments and help you build your capacity to show up as the parent you want to be.

It’s PSG registration week! If any of these statements describe you, then it’s time to join! Tag a friend who this might resonate with as well! You can both sign up through the link in my bio

The PSG spring session is open for registration! If you're tired of feeling alone in the struggles of parenting, wanting support with challenging behaviors, or need help making yourself a priority again - this is for you! Register with the link below and DM me with any questions!

PSG Spring '24 Yes? Then this group is for you! Together, we will tackle your trickiest parenting moments and help you build your capacity to show up as the parent you want to be.

Such a great take on reframing kids’ behavior!

Did you answer YES for one of these questions? Or all 3? Then this is your sign! Come join me for three months of support in an intimate small group setting. Register through the link

Got questions? Check out the FAQs in my stories or send me a DM. Registration closes Friday!

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Holidays are supposed to be fun, but for parents they can be stressful bc of all the opportunities for comparison and self-judgment.

Halloween your way - it’s ok!

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From my recent newsletter (link in story). If you feel like you are learning emotion regulation right along side your child, you’re not alone. If you’re ready to get some help with it, let’s get you signed up for my Parent Support Group. You’ll get personalized support in an intimate small group setting. To register, visit the link in my bio

Need this? Three words can help you move out of frustration. Link in stories, or DM me if you’re seeing this once it’s expired!

This is such an important distinction. So often children are expected to show self-control, but instead we should be focusing on helping the build the skill of self-regulation!

The problem though? Many parents want to teach self-regulation but just do t know how. I can help! Comment below or DM me “more” for more info!

There is a difference between ‘self-regulation' and ‘self-control'. Despite so many parents seeing references to self-control on their 's report cards, one is often mistakenly confused with the other. And because a child needs self-regulation before they can exhibit self-control, it can be for a child when the latter is demanded in lieu of the former being developed.

Did you know there are 447 different uses of “self-regulation” in scientific literature from which 446 variations are about -control (Burman, Green, & Shanker, 2015). The two terms are somewhat convoluted, even throughout child development literature.

As Jeremy Burman, author of self-regulation research alongside renowned Dr Stuart Shanker, says, “When there are thousands of partially-conflicting studies, with new ones being published every day, you can't just 'read more.' You need to approach the subject in a different way." Recent research into self-regulation follows this line of reasoning, showing that the cognitive and physiological mechanisms involved in developing, experiencing and dealing with self-regulation issues are separate from those involving self-control.

🍬 SELF
Self-control became a focus in psychological research largely due to the “delay of gratification” studies that began to appear in the late 1960s (Mischel, 2014; Mischel, Ebbesen, & Raskoff Zeiss, 1972). These studies showed that problems in self-control could be detected in children as young as four, and that these problems were associated with challenges in emotion-regulation and executive functions (Eisenberg et al., 1995; Blair & Razza, 2007; Diamond & Lee, 2011).

The self-control paradigm became dominant because of the longitudinal studies showing that the children identified at a young age as having poor self-control fared worse over the long run, both physically and academically, and had significantly higher rates of internalizing and externalizing disorders as young adults (Moffitt et al. 2011; Mischel, Shoda, & Rodriguez, 1989). This research led many to conclude that children should be taught in primary school how to control their impulses (Schlam, Wilson, Shoda, Mischel, & Ayduk, 2013; Diamond, Barnett, Thomas, & Munro, 2007).

🤱🏾 SELF
In 1865, the father of modern physiology, Claude Bernard, inaugurated the scientific study of what came to be known as self-regulation. Bernard was interested in the mechanisms that enabled an organism to maintain a stable internal state in response to both internal and external “perturbations,” what Walter Bradford Cannon (1932) later defined as “stressors.” In its original psychophysiological sense, self-regulation refers to the way one recovers from the expenditure of energy required to deal with stressors.

In psychophysiology terms, self-regulation is a prerequisite for exercising self-control. An unstable internal state can lead to a limbic response— fight-or-flight, or freeze (a primitive neural response to threat easily misconstrued as compliance)— and impinge on the functioning of the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain governing self-control (Porges, 2011; McEwen, 2007).

The more an individual is chronically hypo- or hyper-aroused because of excessive stress, the more readily that person goes into fight-or-flight, or freeze (Lillas & Turnbull, 2008). These fight, flight, and freeze limbic states suppress, and at times “brake,” the necessary mechanisms in the prefrontal cortex for the practice of self-control.

Learning 'self-regulation' involves:
🧠 Learning how to monitor and manage your internal states;
🧠 Understanding what it feels like to be calm and alert; and
🧠 Learning to recognize when certain activities help you to return yourself to those states most easily, as well as what pulls you out of them.

As you can see, self-regulation is not self-control. In fact, self-regulation is what makes self-control possible.

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This right here. So important.

Stop putting off visual routines for your kids because you’re waiting for the time and energy to make them Pinterest-worthy!

Visual routines help kids understand the order of the day in the language their brain speaks - pictures! It also helps them take on responsibility for running through the routine on their own, which means less nagging for you!!

This is our morning flow for my 5yo and she’s moving faster than I ever thought possible 😮😂

What part of the day do you and your kids struggle with the most?? Comment below if you need a visual routine!

And if you want personalized support with figuring out all the parenting struggles, grab a free discovery call slot from the link in my bio!

I feel so lucky to have the dad I have, and that my kids have the dad they have. Both have been willing to chart their own path of what “fathering” means, and we are all better for it.

Within a generation or two we've seen the stereotype of the father role - the Leave it To Beaver style "father" as "provider" and not much else - pushed against and in many cases, turned on its head. Being a dad has gone from a fairly one-dimensional role to a multi-dimensional one, and from a prescribed role to one that each dad gets to choose for themselves.

When I look around at the dads of young kids in my life, I see dads taking on the role of the primary caregiver, dads working flexible jobs so they can spend more time with the kids, and dads with strong emotional bonds who are teaching their kids how to feel, how to solve problems, and how to choose their own path. I also see dads who are working long hours to provide for their families, coaching sports teams, and being the "fun one" when they get home after a long day. And each and every one is different. There's no cookie cutter machine churning out the stereotypical dad.

What I think we can all take from the evolution of fatherhood in our culture is the idea that there aren't either/or rules about how to be a parent. You can be the provider and the caretaker. You can hold firm limits and be the kisser of boo-boos. You can be the coach and the confidant. Your unique balance is up to you. You get to choose.

If you are celebrating today, Happy Fathers' Day! If today is a hard day for you, I'm sending you a virtual hug.