Nawshus Ultimate

BOYS OF NAWSHUS PART 4: THE SOPHOMORES

Name: Alec Holiday
Nickname: Callahan 2019
Position: Outside Cutter

We’re constantly on edge that Alec is going to fight someone at a tournament. Especially when he wears that “Make America Great Again” visor in the most liberal part of the northeast. Meanwhile the other Alec has definitely been the closest to clocking some poor kid from the other team. After joining the team late last season, Holiday quickly made a name for himself as he is determined to win the Callahan award in his senior year, earning him the nickname “Callahan.” Now that there’s a D-III award however, I suggest we switch his name to “Donovan.” You can catch DJ Holiday on WICB talking trash and spinning tracks before taking his bitch-ass to Moonies. Classic.

BOYS OF NAWSHUS PART 4: THE SOPHOMORES

Name: Zack Smolen
Nickname: Beanz
Position: Inside/Outside Cutter

We all know how much Zacl looks like Beans from Even Stevens. Like Christ, we should call up that show "Separated at Birth" and see if they would be interested in a special episode. In addition, Smolen has a reputation for being very dad-like, but not in the cool “dad bod” way Scott has magically managed to pull off. If Smolen ever has son, I hope to god he doesn't inherit Zack's love of pop-punk. Beanz’s love of pop punk has recently reached obsessive and concerning levels, as he’s now decided to start wearing eye make-up in an attempt to emulate his favorite pop punk singers. Could’ve sworn I saw Billie Joe Armstrong on campus the other day.

BOYS OF NAWSHUS PART 4: THE SOPHOMORES

Name: Matt Ristaino
Position: Outside Cutter

We’ve been pronouncing this kid’s name wrong since day one, and I never knew until a couple of weeks ago. Ristaino has a personality and appearance that some would call "milk toast." But despite being so quiet you would barely notice him, he is easily the nicest and most genuine people on the team. I know if I strived to be half as nice as Matt, I would want to kill myself for being too nice to stupid people. I wanna start calling him "Hermit," because he is slowly coming out of his shell. Make this happen. For me... please?

BOYS OF NAWSHUS PART 4: THE SOPHOMORES

Name: Ben Kaplan
Position: Inside Cutter

We were so thrilled to discover that so many kids actually played ultimate in high school. However, Kaplan still struggles with the most fundamental part of ultimate. The backhand. When this kid winds up it's a combination of Villani's darts and an old man throwing his back out. And just like an old racist grandpa, despite our best efforts, Ben just seems set in his ways and unable to change. O well, that's a problem for the next captain to deal with.

BOYS OF NAWSHUS PART 4: THE SOPHOMORES

Name: Nate Wetzelberg
Nickname: Nate Wetzel-Pretzel-Berg
Position: Inside/Outside Cutter

If you’re in a 2 mile radius of Nate, you’re gonna know it. You’ll hear echoing shouts of “OOOOHHH YEAH HAHADA HAHDA” from all the way across campus. Nate used to wrestle before he got to college; but then he decided to play a sport which, instead of encouraging cutting weight, encouraged excessive drinking, yet still had the same appeal of touching other men. Every once in awhile a member of Nawshus will get drunk enough to think wrestling Nate is a good idea. When this happens Nate’s eyes light up like it’s Christmas morning, then he quickly pins whichever sucker was dumb enough to challenge him.

BOYS OF NAWSHUS PART 4: THE SOPHOMORES

Name: Adrian Baker
Nickname: Ragerian
Position: Handler

Adrian is an RA by day, but by night he turns into a drinking machine. Adrian will show up to a Nawsheezy party, casually down 10 beers, chug the rest of that fifth you didn’t finish, slap the bag, and shotgun four beers in a row; all before his girlfriend and fellow sophomores drag him kicking and screaming away from the rest of the alcohol in the house. Because given the opportunity, he would drink it all. I once continuously fed the beast that is Ragerian beers under the table after he was cut off by his friends. He ended up 17 drinks deep and I ended up with a black eye.

BOYS OF NAWSHUS PART 4: THE SOPHOMORES

Name: Nick Dell’Amore
Nickname: BCK (Blue Cheese Killah)
Position: Cutter

Nick is the the smiling face of Ithaca College that you’ll see on the cover of pamphlets they pass out to touring families. He’s an RA, a tour guide, a singer in an acapella group, and I’m fairly certain he’s best friends with every single girl at IC. Basically Kevin Doubleday if he didn't turn to the darkside of drugs and alcohol. Nick would probably have been a shoo-in to replace Tom Rochon as the next president of Ithaca College if his sterling reputation wasn’t tainted by the fact that he spends his free time throwing frisbees with a bunch of semi-functional alcoholics, who decided to exclusively call him BCK after he lost odds and drank blue cheese one time. I guess it just threw everyone off to meet someone who refused to chug a beer, but then willingly chugged blue cheese on 1-in-4 odds.

BOYS OF NAWSHUS PART 3: THE JUNIORS

Name: Elliott Bonus
Position: Handler/Cutter

In a different lifetime, Elliot was an infamous Japanese gamer with just the front of his bangs tastefully dyed sky blue. Can’t you just picture it? Unfortunately, due to a controversial tactic in the final match of a Super Smash Bros. tournament, Bonus has been banned from the Japanese Gamer League and has decided to lay low and reinvent himself at IC. You can tell by the smug way Bonus lazily throws a flick that he definitely joined the Frisbee team to meet the ladies. Hey Bonus, how’s that goin for ya?

BOYS OF NAWSHUS PART 3: THE JUNIORS

Name: Noah Schaefer
Position: Inside/Outside Cutter

After being raised by wolves and living in the forest for twenty years, Noah finally emerged from the natural lands and ended up at Ithaca College. Legend has it that Noah traveled all the way from Goucher College to live out his final years as part of the Nawshus Clan. Noah is your typical mountain man who loves camping, hiking, and whose Spotify playlists' consist mostly of Scottish winds, African birds, and Moroccan river sounds.

BOYS OF NAWSHUS PART 3: THE JUNIORS

Name: Michael Villani
Position: Handler

The word “touch,” is not in Villani’s vocabulary. So if you’re a cutter, get those hands ready, because Mike’s going to throw the disc at you with the force of a Randy Johnson fastball. If you haven’t seen this kid around recently it’s because he’s busy viciously chugging water, running around Park, and being surprisingly physical for someone so calm. You heard it here first folks, I would not be surprised if Villani turns into Patrick Bateman. Oh f**k….. I’ve said too much.

BOYS OF NAWSHUS PART 3: THE JUNIORS

Name: Sam Fischer
Position: Handler

If I had to relate Sam to any mythical creature it would be a leprechaun.
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Oh you want to know why? Because he’s small, his throws are gold, and if you capture him he’ll give you his pot of gold hidden beneath a rainbow. What this analogy isn’t doing it for you?Come on, like you can’t see this kid coming after your Lucky Charms™?

BOYS OF NAWSHUS PART 3: THE JUNIORS

Name: Steve Kaufman
Nickname: Dr. Schlomo
Position: Handler/Cutter

If Steve had to sum up his Nawshus experience in one word, that word would be, “Siiiiiccckkkk!" After 3 years and many attempts, Steve finally managed to get one of his sh*tty jokes to stick with the rest of the team. Unfortunately, Steve is rarely around anymore to hear his teammates use his catchphrase. You can now catch Schlomo at the women’s track practices staring at the runners and muttering “siiiiccckkkk” under his breath.