Sound Choices Coalition

07/02/2026

Dear Friends and Followers,

I’m writing this letter to apologize to YOU and to all victim advocates. This letter comes from my heart as your friend, as a person of integrity, and as the founder of the Sound Choices Coalition.

In February 2020 Angela Kelly, then director of the Sound Choices Coalition, offered a presentation she had prepared for the Democratic Coccus, hoping to sway them to vote NO to House Bill 202.

After I heard about the ensuing fiasco, I was shocked. I felt devastated for those of you who know us and what we stand for; also for Sandra Hollins, for SCC’s reputation, for our board members, and even for Angela; especially when she realized, too late, the damage that had been done.

I had been somewhat out of the SCC loop for a while. I didn’t really know what to do. With negative media and of pro-polygamy antagonist's consistent comments it seemed everything good we’d accomplished was being destroyed within minutes, days and the weeks that followed. As the founder of SCC, I felt succor punched and betrayed. I wrote an apology to Sandra Hollins. I took and made some phone calls to her and others. I responded to Facebook comments. However, as the drama escalated, rather than stand up and out, my trauma response from feeling defeated was to slide deeper into a dark cave—wanting to basically disappear.

As the founder of SCC, I wished I could have had the courage to speak out publicly for you, for Sound Choices, for our board members. I should have publicly claimed our strong stand against every human indignity---against racism and abuses of every kind. . . I wish I could have called all media sources, written an op-ed, and shouted out every grand thing we accomplished for victims of polygamy-- for everything we stood for—everything we still stand for.

All of us have watched or heard of and witnessed friends, parents, leaders, followers and cult members who have knowingly or unknowingly done things in their pasts that have harmed others. At some point they (we) wake up and realize our mistakes. For me, it’s much easier to forgive and value those who are willing to sincerely apologize; and who make amends to those they have harmed and/or offended. So, as an honorable human being, as your friend, as a partner in advocacy, as the past director and founder of SCC, I am asking you to forgive me for not doing, and/or for doing anything that was hurtful and/or harmful to our cause, to you and others-- in this way or any other.

Sincerely,

Kristyn Decker

07/20/2025

The Stop Mandated Shunning project began in 2023 to expose the harm of faith-based shunning. If you’ve lost contact with loved ones because of leaving a group or breaking its rules, or were pressured to cut ties, they want to hear from you.

The University of Roehampton (UK) is conducting confidential research on the harmful effects of mandated shunning. You can participate by:

1. Taking a 60-minute survey (you can pause and return anytime): [ https://roehamptonpsych.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6nbWouCItANLEai]

2. Doing a private interview with researchers Dr. Savin Bapir-Tardy or Dr. Windy Grendele (contact via email below)

Your stories will help mandated shunning become recognized as a human rights violation and a crime.

Contact for interviews:
[email protected]
[email protected]

All participation is confidential; no identifying details will be shared.
Learn more at https://stopmandatedshunning.org/

Help us to expose the harm of mandated shunning and set legal precedents against organised ostracism as a violation of human rights. Learn how to join the fight today.

01/16/2025

CHAPTER 6 - My Salvation
Page 61

Still, in my opinion, neither God nor Santa came through for my mother. Either she was gone, crying, angry, sleeping, or reading. She, I believed, had become proficient at escaping unpleasant life situations. Whenever she was through with her work, she read. She read at home, on the bus, in the car, in the bathroom and in bed. When we'd talk to her, she answered, "Uh-huh, uh-hug," as if she was listening. Our method paid off when we wanted to go somewhere or do something she would other wise have answered no. In the realms of her religious books, Mother could avoid her conflicting feelings and emotions. She would stay in her soothing, peaceful solitude to gather a million more righteous reasons to sojourn there even longer.

01/14/2025

Page 42 --

While James and I were in Duchesne, we went with Francine's family to Brother John Thomas's house. Francine said the Thomas family had been the The Group for a long time. All day long the brood of Thomas kids, Francine's kids, and James and I discovered childhood treasures and trinkets as we frolicked around the Thomas's slice of land near the top of a volcanic cliff bank. While the adults visited for hours, we navigated and explored our surroundings like pirates on a new island.

With the major exception of Mr. Thomas, I like everyone in his family. At mealtime, whenever he looked at me, I felt lifeless and unresponsive--as if his venomous eyes and hands had ravaged my body. The rest of the evening was totally destroyed. I ached to get away from him. I couldn't eat, talk, or play anymore. With Mr. Thomas's eyes on me, I wanted to become invisible again. On the road back home, I told Francine I never wanted to be around that stinky man ever again. Later in our lives, the reasons for my feelings became very clear.

01/10/2025

Chapter 5 -- Plygville
Page 37

My stepbrother Rick acted like my best friend, at least most of the time. He played all kinds of games with me: Cowboys and Indians, No Bears Are Out Tonight, and Tag. Sometimes he'd hold my hand and stick up for me when some of my cousins called me snot-nose, chubby, or fatso. (His grooming taking place.)

My brothers, on the other hand couldn't stand him most of the time. Having to share a room with Rick often felt like a curse to them, since they considered him a spoiled-rotten brat. They were often angry at Aunt Maryann, because no matter how irritating or tormenting Rick was, she always took his side. To try to get her to defend them or listen to the truth was hopeless. So they'd fight instead. Maryann would clobber them with her fists or whatever object she could find.

During one of those battles, my heart would pound so hard and fast I thought it might pop through the top of my head. "Stop hitting Luke! Stop it!" I'd scream at her over and over again. Sometimes I wrapped myself around her legs, clinging to her thick polyester-knit pants. I'd smack her legs and bottom wherever my arms could reach, to stop her from forcing my brothers out the door. But to her, I was nothing more than an irritation to slap off he legs like a pesky fly.

I never knew when or if my brothers would return home again, and Maryann seemed to be proud of the fact that she won every encounter.

01/09/2025

Through the many years of "Speaking to the harms of polygamy, and advocating for its victims," we had compassion for those who defended religious polygamy---because we'd been there. However, being free from the indoctrinations and miseries of living polygamy, we took a strong stand against this harmful, anti-social and unsustainable practice.

We fully supported (and still do), Canada's ruling that polygamy is too harmful to be considered a human right; therefore it would remain illegal. While Canada's and other countries rulings support legislation that hampers the creation of more victims, Utah decided to make it easier for so called religious prophets, leaders, and Pedophiles . . .

01/07/2025

I love writing, so I thought I'd start with some paragraphs from my book - FIFTY YEARS IN POLYGAMY - Big Secrets and Little White Lies.
In the years of writing and then publishing my book, the numerous and ongoing HUGE LIES, SECRETS, and CRIMES, that took (and are still taking place) in the AUB had not yet been discovered or proved; otherwise, that should have been the name of my book.

Page 9:

As my father turned his attentions from his first love, my mother, to Eleanor, his young, dark-haired beauty, he began to demonstrate a marked inability to calm and soothe Mom's anguish. In addition, Mom believed the devil and his imps (on whom she blamed her suppressed jealousy, as well as her feelings of inadequacy and depression) were attacking her soul, and they would surely be the cause of her demise.

Aunt Eleanor, on the other hand, was a light in the dark to Dad. She was happy, attractive, energetic, and strong-willed. Her concern was not for my mother or mother's children. After all, she felt they had enjoyed my father's undivided time and attention for seven years, and now it was her turn. She was busy plotting how to gain all of Dad's love and attention for herself, and manipulating him into believing her objectives were for the greater good of the entire family.

*** Religious polygamy is the religious sanctification of violating human rights.

12/03/2023

I'VE CHANGED MY MIND about my previous post. Even when I posted it, It didn't really sing to my soul. It happened during one of my random insecure moments.
MY STORY DOES MATTER. SO DOES YOURS. It's important that we tell our stories and listen to others; especially when advocating for stronger and better laws that should honor and support healing, humanity and freedom.
I just turned 71. The younger generations who are also speaking out about the harms of polygamy are telling the same stories--ONLY THIS TIME, theirs are even more horrific and more devastating. This has gone on for WAY too long. Two more women recently told me how they are suffering from Utah's inadequate laws and systems that don't protect them, their rights, and their children.
Until I'm no longer breathing I'll never be able to stop caring and advocating for the hundreds of women and children in and from plural families who have been and are still being revictimized and traumatized by Utah's deficient and unfair legal systems . . .
YES, Life happened to US. It hurt and WE healed. WE also learned who WE can trust, who deserves a seat at OUR tables, who we don't trust, and who will never sit at our tables again.
MEANWHILE, many things in "Utah Elevated" need to become that way.

06/15/2023

We are getting ready for OUR I C S A CONFERENCE presentation in KENTUCKY at the end of the month.

"To say RELIGION or POLYGAMY have nothing to do with the lack of choice, patriarchal powers over women and children, undue influence, child brides, r**e, trauma, in**st, manipulation, anguish, suicidal depression, rampant psychological and physical abuse, cult mind control, objectification of women, sexual exploitations, trafficking, lack of reproductive rights, slave-like conditions, poverty, numerous neglected children . . . as in Warren Jeff's and other like minded "religious" men's crimes------IS like saying religion had nothing to do with young Muslims driving airplanes into the Twin Towers on 9/11."