Susan Hillebrand

2 years today – almost to the hour. I watched the sunrise at her side this morning – so peaceful at the cemetery just before dawn. What was posted on our lawn at the time of her death by those who loved her - Psalm 91:11, has been our experience.

For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.

Thank you to all those who posted this, and the many prayer angels in our yard – what a blessing.

Jesus has been faithful in His promise to keep us. We have all been well cared for. Jorge and Jennifer have faithfully remained by our side serving Christ with power, and love. The church, homeschool community, and family have filled in where ever there has been opportunity. God is calling Jennifer forward. Her husband Jorge has accepted a job in St. Louis and is there now. Jennifer is still temporarily with us here in Houston, helping us transition into our next phase of life.

I waited until I was certain of our next step before I made a new post on Susan’s page. Today, I signed the kids up at Brookwood elementary school. Fulton (5), Daniella (8), and Ethan (11) will all attend together. They’ll catch the bus at the corner, two houses away, and ride 1 mile to school. The school is great. I met many of the administrators today, and they are all warm and welcoming. We’ll all get a school tour on Monday, and the kids will begin on Wednesday. They’re excited. Although I’m sad to give up the homeschool life, my sense is that the children will be fine in their new world. It will be harder on me than them, but I know that God will remain by our side, to keep the children safe, and the family whole.

Brendon turned 20 at Christmas and finished his first year at UofH as a Chemical Engineer. Cameron (18) will begin at UofH in the Fall of next year as a Mechanical Engineer. Ariana (15) will stay home and finish Highschool. Geneva, who will be 3 in a few days, will stay home with Ariana, and begin pre-school as soon as she is able. I will be looking for an afternoon/evening nanny to help during the week.

Of the pieces of wisdom I gained from my life with Susan, the words that are most often repeated in my mind are those of hers that came when I would frequently become concerned for the well-being of the children; “Why do you worry Tim? Don’t you know that these are God’s Children? They will grow up and be just fine.” I cling to this wisdom of hers. I’ve seen it is true. And, I have nothing, but to rely on the underlying promises of God from which her wisdom came.
Thank you to all who have supported us. And, thank you God for keeping Your promises (Romans 8:28).

These pictures were found by my father on a lost thumb drive. They are photos from a family vacation to Arizona in 2005. They reminded me of how elegant and beautiful a woman Susan was.

It was a tradition to take a family picture at Christmas time. Susan would organize it every year. In 2011, Susan was 9 months pregnant, and although never more beautiful than when pregnant, she didn't wish to show herself. So we skipped 2011. Her heart was set on it in 2012, but one child after the next got sick before Christmas, delaying the picture. The night that she got sick, she was lamenting to me that the picture would be late. 2013 was just too hard to make it happen. So, the last family photo we have is from 2010. Below will be our 2014 photo. No - I didn't find the time to send it out to family and friends like Susan would have.

Today is the first anniversary of our new life together without Susan. I could speak of loss and sadness – both are close friends. But, it feels more appropriate to share God’s goodness. His blessings to our family have been many, and have come in large and small packages, in subtle and in obvious ways. We as a family are not only doing well, we are thriving together. This initially would seem impossible to me, as Susan was everything to all of us – it was she that made this family, and kept us all together. Without Susan covering the bases, how we were going to make life work was far beyond me.

Just before Susan left us, she woke from sedation long enough only to say goodbye and to give to me strength and comfort for what was ahead. Surprised to see her wake, I stood over her bed telling her that she was okay, “everything was just fine”. The possibility of death was the furthest thing from my mind – she had only come down with the flu the day before, and was Christmas shopping the day before that. As she lay in the bed, she was trying to remove the tube from her throat so that she could speak to me – I softly held her hands, and told her, ‘no’. With her deep blue eyes and gentle face, she made certain that she had my attention, and then communicated to me, ‘no – she was not okay’. In that moment, she knew what her outcome was – in fact, with her last spoken words to me when I delivered her to the emergency room just a few hours earlier, she acknowledged her death. In my response to her, understanding only that she was sick and felt bad, I told her, “hush honey, we’re not dying today” – it was impossible for me to go there, as it was all happening way too fast.

It was a miracle and a gift that she would wake for this last moment together. She had a peace and a confidence on her face that was not typical of Susan’s normal expression of concern when separated from her babies. I didn’t comprehend any of this in the moment, but would soon come to know that she had already been with Jesus and was conveying to me the knowledge she was given - everything was already taken care of – I need not worry. Still not recognizing what was really going on, I imagined that she would be thinking of her children and asked if she wanted me to go home to check on them. She shook her head, ‘yes’, and went back to sleep - I didn’t realize she was turning them over to me for good. I ran home with the intent of quickly returning - we live only 10 minutes from the hospital. As soon as I got home, I received the call – her heart had stopped, but they had revived her. I immediately returned, but couldn’t make it back in time before her heart stopped again – I wouldn’t get another moment with her.

I am forever thankful, and will never forget the look of confidence on Susan’s face when she left me. It will always serve to strengthen my faith and give me endurance for all that is still ahead. With a nursing infant, two in diapers, and 7 in total, all homeschooled, what choice was there now but to trust in God’s provision? I had no idea what to do with the situation.

To simplify the summarization of this past year – God has been very good to us. In the initial days, the church stood forward and provided for all of our critical needs. They helped to wean the baby. They pulled Christmas together for us. They fed us. They provided child care. They came early in the morning to help feed the children and get the day started. They did everything they could think of to help keep the home operational – too much to enumerate. Friends stepped in to keep the homeschool going. My employer gave me time and room to straighten out my life. We were showered in prayer by both the church and the homeschool community. God’s provision through His people was overwhelming.

At the 6 week mark, Jennifer arrived. Jennifer didn’t know us. We didn’t know Jennifer. Today Jennifer is a close and trusted family friend. She has won the hearts of the children through her tireless care for the family. She provides for them day and night. She even provides for their homeschooling. Qualifications? Jennifer looks great on paper – she has a Master’s degree in School Psychology, and years of real-life experience working with children in many different capacities. But, where she stands out best is when she is in action – Jennifer can’t really be described with words, and can only be understood within a context that is not of this world. We are incredibly thankful for Jennifer – I am convinced that Jennifer is a reason that Susan had the confidence she did when she left. Her husband Jorge is also quite remarkable, in that he supports her in all that she has done for our family.

It is awkward to receive comments on how well the children are doing given the situation – as though the current conditions are preferable. I see the children’s response as a reflection of Susan’s character in them – take what God gives you, and make it work. I also see it as God giving each of the children the strength to step up into their situation, and rise to the occasion. All of them are remarkable – Susan did her job well.

Brendon (18) is a natural born leader, and has been instrumental in making the home function. He now has a job at my same place of employment as a software developer. He continues to play in the praise band at church. He will be off to the University of Houston next year. We are going to miss him greatly.

Cameron (17) has spent more time than all of us caring for the baby and looking after his younger siblings – remarkable! He continues with his flute and wins first and second chair wherever he goes. He will be playing at Carnegie Hall with an elite group of musicians in February. Thank you for the community support that is sending him.

Ariana (14) has an inner character that mirrors her mother’s so beautifully. With her selfless, loving, and caring spirit, Ariana has provided much needed nurture and love for the younger children. She has been key to our family unity.

Ethan (10) has grown up tremendously. With his older brothers both leaving soon, he is stepping into a biggest brother role.

Daniella (7) has undergone the largest transformation of all the children since her mother’s death. She was the one child I was initially worried the most about. Not anymore – she has somehow overcome her previous obstacles. I consider it a miracle.

Fulton (4) – typical 4 year old However, he too has undergone large growth in temperament – again, another mark of God’s hand on our home.

Geneva (1) – She has shown herself to be the most colorful character of the bunch. Just before Susan died, we discovered that Geneva had a severe curvature in her spine. We have found a wonderful doctor who has been working with us. Through repeated treatment, he has corrected her spine from an initial 86 degrees to 45 degrees. There is more work to do, but the progress is significant. I don’t post pictures, as they are dramatic.

I can be nothing but thankful for all that Susan gave to us, and for all that she has left me with. Thank you Susan for your life’s work and dedication. With God’s continued grace and provision, we will carry on and finish what you started.

Baby Geneva did great in surgery on Wednesday morning.

The surgeon was pleased with the results of the procedure, and communicated to the family that Geneva will benefit greatly from what they have been able to do for her. The correction they've made gives Geneva a greater probability that her spine will straighten itself over the next several years of growth.

Geneva has been resting quietly today with her sister Ariana to love and care for her. If she continues to recover as she is, the hope is to be home by Sunday.

Thank God for His hand, and for all of your support and prayer.

Please pray for our baby Geneva. She will be having surgery on July 31st.
Late last fall, Susan and I discovered that Geneva had a lump on her back. Since then, the proper care has been taken to diagnose the problem, and to find the right surgeons.

Geneva’s cerebellum extends slightly lower than it normally should, putting pressure at the point where the spine joins with the skull. This pressure has forced fluids down into her spinal column resulting in a severe malformation of her spine. Her torso is twisted, which puts pressure on the rest of her organs. And, if she is not corrected, her life expectancy is threatened longer term. The surgeons will remove bone from her skull to relieve this pressure. The hope is that by removing the pressure, her spine will correct itself as she grows.

She will be in the hospital for up to 1 week after the surgery, depending on her recovery. Please pray for a successful surgery, a quick recovery, and God’s healing hand upon baby Geneva.

Today was our wedding anniversary. I spent the afternoon with her alone, reading through the Psalms. It was a peaceful and sad day.

I finally got her headstone ordered today. It took me awhile to figure out what I wanted to put on it. I'll post a picture of it when it arrives.

Last week we celebrated Brendon's high school graduation. Susan would have been proud, as they worked hard together to achieve that goal.

Mother's Day without Susan was difficult. However, our hearts were lifted with the gift of a vacation to Destin, Florida all last week. We had a wonderful time being together as a family.

The trip was coordinated by our Nanny, Jennifer. When Jennifer came to our family in January, she informed us that she had a 2 week vacation planned in May. Her husband, Jorge, was in a wedding, accommodations had been secured, and nothing could be undone.

In her concern for the children being without a Nanny for 2 weeks, she searched for and found accommodations for us at $500 per week. At that time I thought she was an amazingly resourceful woman to have found such an incredible rate. I grabbed it, but was only comfortable with a 1 week stay. I learned while on vacation, and only by chance, that Jorge and Jennifer had given to us 1 of their 10 vacations they had purchased years ago as a package deal. We paid only the upgrade price because we had so many children. Without a thought, or a word, they would have given us 2 if I were willing to stay the second week. And, because I needed to return home after the first week, they gave away their second week to a friend so that they could return home with us. Wow! What amazing people.

The family enjoyed the beaches. They were beautiful, with the sand being the finest and the whitest I have ever seen. The water was a crystal clear, blue-green - beautiful. I doubt the kids are going to be anxious to return to Galveston after their time in Destin.

Today also marks the 5 month anniversary of Susan's death (December 20). I will post again at 6 months and tell more about all the incredible ways in which God has been at work in our home, and the lives of the children.

We miss Susan terribly. The tears still flow, but we do not miss how good He has been to us through the wonderful people He has surrounded us with. We are all very thankful.

Destin, Florida

Today is Susan's birthday. We all went out to her grave to be with her, to read scripture, and to pray together.

We miss her! And, we are thankful for the gift that she was. She has left us with everything we need to carry on.

Thank you Susan for your life. We love you.

When we arrived home from the Memorial Service, we found these angels planted on the front lawn, and hanging from the trees. They were absolutely beautiful. We left them for a week. They attracted the attention of many neighbors who stopped to browse the individual prayers written on each angel.

The banner in the front is from Psalm 91:11

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.

This was done by the Homeschool community - thank you!

My plan is to put the banner in a large frame that contains it and several of the angels. We will hang it in the gameroom.