08/17/2026
Most people try to win arguments. Mature people try to end them.
Here are 9 rules I live by to de-escalate conflict:
1) Lower your voice volume. Speak softly. When people are angry, loud responses only fuel the mood further.
2) NEVER tell the other person to "calm down" or say they should be reasonable. It comes off as rude, like you're suggesting they are out of control. It's better for you, the cooler person, to embody the calmness.
3) Ask reconciliational questions. For example: "What do you suggest we should do now to resolve this?"
4) Own your state. Say: "Give me some time to get back on this, I am not thinking straight right now." Admitting you're the one who got it wrong or that you're off-balance disarms tension fast.
5) NEVER resort to name-calling. Insults and derogatory remarks are like fuel for conflict. Calling an angry person "a f000lish id1ot" will only make things worse.
6) Remember that NOT everyone's brain has the ability to stabilize the neurotransmitters that are responsible for charged emotions. So some people will need you to be calm when they are passing through such phase so they can restore themselves. Don't deny them that kindness.
7) Walk away. In public, yes, just move. Removing yourself from the scene of confrontation has a way of defusing the tension. At home, don't walk away without saying something. For instance, say: "This conversation is getting heated, I would like to take a walk outside to regulate my mind."
8.) Wittingly redirect the topic. If the argument is about religious liberty or politics, you can shift it to sports, health content you saw on social media or something interesting you both have in common.
9) Don't take anything personally. Life is concurrently happening to over 8 billion other humans. Losing that argument wouldn't change the world. Just let it go.
"Don't attempt to win by force, what you can win by diplomacy" — Machiavelli
Ifeanyi
