Intimacy After Prostate Cancer

09/13/2026

Stop helping him.

That sounds like terrible advice for the partner of a man recovering from prostate cancer.

But sometimes helping slowly becomes managing.

She becomes the researcher, scheduler, motivator and rehabilitation officer.

He becomes the project.

And somewhere along the way, patient and caregiver can replace husband and wife.

I explore why this happens—and how couples can find their way back—in my new Substack essay.

Free to read. And if it resonates, subscribe for the next one.

https://intimacyafterprostatecancer.substack.com/p/stop-helping-him?r=7hrazv&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

09/06/2026

“I’m fine.”

Two words men say all the time after prostate cancer.

Sometimes because we are fine.

Sometimes because we’re trying to be strong, protect the people we love, or simply don’t know how to explain what’s really happening inside us.

But silence doesn’t stay empty. The people we love eventually fill in the blanks themselves.

And that can change a relationship in ways neither person intended.

I explore this more deeply in my new Substack essay.

It’s free to read, and you’re welcome to subscribe if this conversation matters to you.

The Most Dangerous Sentence After Prostate Cancer

08/30/2026

Prostate cancer can create a strange kind of distance.

He pulls away because he thinks he’s no longer enough.

She feels him pulling away and starts wondering if she’s no longer enough.

Same bed. Same relationship. Two people quietly blaming themselves for something neither fully understands.

There’s actually some very simple psychology behind why this happens — and understanding it can change the conversation.

I wrote about it here:

https://intimacyafterprostatecancer.substack.com/p/when-cancer-changes-the-way-you-see?r=7hrazv&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

If intimacy, relationships and life after prostate cancer matter to you, subscribe. I write about the parts of recovery we don’t talk about nearly enough.

08/23/2026

After prostate cancer, so many men quietly chase the same goal:

“I just want to get back to normal.”

But what if normal is actually the trap?

In my latest essay, I explore a different perspective on recovery: stop measuring today’s life against yesterday’s body. Instead of asking, “Is it as good as before?”, perhaps we should start asking, “Is it good?”

A small change in words. A very different way forward.

Read the full essay here and subscribe if you’d like to follow my weekly writing on intimacy, relationships and life after prostate cancer:

There are five words I hear again and again from men after prostate cancer.

08/16/2026

After prostate cancer, it’s easy to make one painful mistake:

You start grading the entire marriage on whether s*x still works the way it used to.

But intimacy was never just in*******se.

It’s the hand you still reach for. The tea you make exactly the way they like it. The kiss that doesn’t need to lead anywhere. The laughter in bed. The conversation nobody else gets to hear.

One part of the menu may have changed. That doesn’t mean the restaurant stopped serving food.

Maybe recovery isn’t only about asking, “How do we get back what we lost?”

Maybe the more important question is:

“What is still possible between us?”

I explore this idea—and a simple exercise couples can try—in my latest article. 

Read the full article here:

https://intimacyafterprostatecancer.substack.com/p/stop-grading-your-marriage-on-one?r=7hrazv&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

08/09/2026

Sometimes the hardest voice to live with after prostate cancer isn’t your doctor’s.

It’s the one in your own head.

The one quietly asking: Am I still the same man? Will my partner still want me? What if this never comes back?

That voice can sound like truth. Often, it’s fear, old beliefs, and expectations speaking.

In my latest Substack, I explore how to recognize that voice — and begin answering it differently.

Read it here:
https://intimacyafterprostatecancer.substack.com/p/whose-voice-is-that-in-your-head?r=7hrazv&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

If these conversations about life, identity and intimacy after prostate cancer matter to you, subscribe. I write about them every week.

08/02/2026

Most of us grew up believing that desire comes first.

You feel it... then intimacy follows.

But what if, after prostate cancer—and for many couples later in life—that order quietly changes?

What if closeness comes first... and desire follows?

That single shift has helped countless men stop asking, "What's wrong with me?" and start rebuilding intimacy in a completely different way.

If you or someone you love is navigating life after prostate cancer, I think this may be one of the most important ideas you'll read this year.

Read the full article below. And if these conversations resonate with you, subscribe to my Substack. Every week I share practical, research-informed insights to help men and couples rebuild intimacy, confidence, and connection after prostate cancer.

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https://open.substack.com/pub/intimacyafterprostatecancer/p/youre-not-broken?r=7hrazv&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

07/26/2026

Some people spend years trying to get back to the person they were before prostate cancer.

But nature doesn't work that way.

A mother duck doesn't stop at the riverbank wondering if last year's path still exists.

She looks ahead.

She adapts.

She leads.

Maybe that's the lesson for all of us.

Recovery isn't about finding your way back to who you were.

It's about discovering the person you're becoming.

I explore this simple but powerful analogy in my latest Substack article, "The Duck Doesn't Look Back."

If you're navigating recovery after prostate cancer—or supporting someone who is—I hope it gives you a new way to think about the journey.

And if topics like recovery, intimacy, identity, and rebuilding life after prostate cancer matter to you, follow along. I publish a new article every week.

👇 Read it here:
https://open.substack.com/pub/intimacyafterprostatecancer/p/the-duck-doesnt-look-back?r=7hrazv&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

07/19/2026

https://youtube.com/shorts/zOFjHemKUrs?feature=share

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking…“I’ll feel like myself aga...

07/19/2026

The most dangerous question after prostate cancer isn't about PSA levels.

It's this one: "When will I get back to normal?"

Because hidden inside it is an assumption — that somewhere, waiting patiently, is the man you used to be. The body you had. The relationship you remember.

He isn't waiting. And every day you measure today against him, you lose.

As a psychologist and a prostate cancer survivor myself, I've watched couples spend years asking "Why isn't this working anymore?" — when one different question could have started the engine:

"Given where we actually are, what becomes possible now?"

My new essay is about putting down the old map — and what happens when couples finally do.

Read "The Cancer Is Gone. The Old Map Isn't Coming Back" and subscribe here:
👉 https://intimacyafterprostatecancer.substack.com/p/the-cancer-is-gone-the-old-map-isnt